birth story blues

I thought CGE nailed it...
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves

Please don't add to the insensitivity here. I'm glad that some people here are worthy of the ability to 'put themselves in someone else's shoes' but let's not expect that everyone is going to see the situation the same.

Especially a person who is going through an emotional time.

It's interesting that you would call WileE insensitive. Maybe both of you could practice some sensitivity as well.
Originally Posted by iroc

I'm pretty sure WileE can handle herself. No need for you to rap my knuckles, mom.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Nevermind.


Yes, dear.

Last edited by iroc; 06-27-2011 at 08:39 AM.
At the risk of further derailing this thread...

I thought CGE nailed it...
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Look, I don't disagree that it's an insensitive comment. But a simple, "that's an insensitive thing to say, WileE" would have sufficed. People say all kinds of dumb tripe, at the worst possible moments. Hopefully all they need is to be told once (that you don't say that sort of thing to someone who's mourning because it's totally unhelpful and possibly hurtful).

I'm really sorry, Amneris. I haven't posted because I still haven't processed my own traumatic birth, almost two years ago. I don't quite know how to be helpful to you because I have no wisdom to share. All I can say is that I feel your pain and if you ever need to talk, you know how to reach me. Wishing you peace.
Truly am sorry Medussa. But the constant insensitive and sometimes derogatory remarks were driving me crazy.
I used to have a signature but it disappeared and I just couldn't be bothered writing another so please feel free to ingore this.
WileE's comments didn't bother me, and she wasn't the only one to post such feelings.

To address something else in this thread: this is not the USA and unfortunately you cannot just fire a midwife. Midwives are provided by the government as an alternative to an OB. Pre-natal care can otherwise be done by either a family doctor or an OB, with an OB handling delivery. You can also hire a doula on top of that. Midwives are tough to get because certain populations (low-income, Aboriginal, new immigrant) get priority when some of them are assigned. I was told that you literally have to call the day you get a positive test, and that's what I did and it still took about a month to get taken on as a patient. You randomly get assigned a midwife and that is the only one you get - well, her and the others in her practice. I think it might be possible to switch within the practice, but not to another one. You don't even get to request which area of the city you want to be sent to. They have to follow guidelines and procedures which does make it more med-wifey. They are definitely not as "natural" as I would have thought. Some areas of the country don't even have midwives. So next pregnancy I can either take the midwife I am offered or shop around for an OB, but that's it. I'm almost tempted to try to get a good OB and have a doula. We'll see.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











WileE's comments didn't bother me, and she wasn't the only one to post such feelings.

To address something else in this thread: this is not the USA and unfortunately you cannot just fire a midwife. Midwives are provided by the government as an alternative to an OB. Pre-natal care can otherwise be done by either a family doctor or an OB, with an OB handling delivery. You can also hire a doula on top of that. Midwives are tough to get because certain populations (low-income, Aboriginal, new immigrant) get priority when some of them are assigned. I was told that you literally have to call the day you get a positive test, and that's what I did and it still took about a month to get taken on as a patient. You randomly get assigned a midwife and that is the only one you get - well, her and the others in her practice. I think it might be possible to switch within the practice, but not to another one. You don't even get to request which area of the city you want to be sent to. They have to follow guidelines and procedures which does make it more med-wifey. They are definitely not as "natural" as I would have thought. Some areas of the country don't even have midwives. So next pregnancy I can either take the midwife I am offered or shop around for an OB, but that's it. I'm almost tempted to try to get a good OB and have a doula. We'll see.
Originally Posted by Amneris

You still have choices. There are midwives in Canada who work around the Canadian healthcare system's rigid guidelines. You may have to pay cash for them...but they're usually affordable. I paid cash for my midwife's services. Best $2,500 I ever spent.
WileE's comments didn't bother me, and she wasn't the only one to post such feelings.

To address something else in this thread: this is not the USA and unfortunately you cannot just fire a midwife. Midwives are provided by the government as an alternative to an OB. Pre-natal care can otherwise be done by either a family doctor or an OB, with an OB handling delivery. You can also hire a doula on top of that. Midwives are tough to get because certain populations (low-income, Aboriginal, new immigrant) get priority when some of them are assigned. I was told that you literally have to call the day you get a positive test, and that's what I did and it still took about a month to get taken on as a patient. You randomly get assigned a midwife and that is the only one you get - well, her and the others in her practice. I think it might be possible to switch within the practice, but not to another one. You don't even get to request which area of the city you want to be sent to. They have to follow guidelines and procedures which does make it more med-wifey. They are definitely not as "natural" as I would have thought. Some areas of the country don't even have midwives. So next pregnancy I can either take the midwife I am offered or shop around for an OB, but that's it. I'm almost tempted to try to get a good OB and have a doula. We'll see.
Originally Posted by Amneris

You still have choices. There are midwives in Canada who work around the Canadian healthcare system's rigid guidelines. You may have to pay cash for them...but they're usually affordable. I paid cash for my midwife's services. Best $2,500 I ever spent.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
+1

Mine were $3K each

Check your tax laws to see if it's a deductible expense.
hello.world.
WileE's comments didn't bother me, and she wasn't the only one to post such feelings.

To address something else in this thread: this is not the USA and unfortunately you cannot just fire a midwife. Midwives are provided by the government as an alternative to an OB. Pre-natal care can otherwise be done by either a family doctor or an OB, with an OB handling delivery. You can also hire a doula on top of that. Midwives are tough to get because certain populations (low-income, Aboriginal, new immigrant) get priority when some of them are assigned. I was told that you literally have to call the day you get a positive test, and that's what I did and it still took about a month to get taken on as a patient. You randomly get assigned a midwife and that is the only one you get - well, her and the others in her practice. I think it might be possible to switch within the practice, but not to another one. You don't even get to request which area of the city you want to be sent to. They have to follow guidelines and procedures which does make it more med-wifey. They are definitely not as "natural" as I would have thought. Some areas of the country don't even have midwives. So next pregnancy I can either take the midwife I am offered or shop around for an OB, but that's it. I'm almost tempted to try to get a good OB and have a doula. We'll see.
Originally Posted by Amneris

You still have choices. There are midwives in Canada who work around the Canadian healthcare system's rigid guidelines. You may have to pay cash for them...but they're usually affordable. I paid cash for my midwife's services. Best $2,500 I ever spent.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
+1

Mine were $3K each

Check your tax laws to see if it's a deductible expense.
Originally Posted by webjockey
I don't think there are private ones where I live - private health care is generally not allowed, but it's something to check out to be sure. I am not interested in breaking the law.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali













You still have choices. There are midwives in Canada who work around the Canadian healthcare system's rigid guidelines. You may have to pay cash for them...but they're usually affordable. I paid cash for my midwife's services. Best $2,500 I ever spent.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
+1

Mine were $3K each

Check your tax laws to see if it's a deductible expense.
Originally Posted by webjockey
I don't think there are private ones where I live - private health care is generally not allowed, but it's something to check out to be sure. I am not interested in breaking the law.
Originally Posted by Amneris


There are private midwives everywhere. YOU wouldn't be breaking any laws. You'd just be having a baby at home. That's allowed. As to whether the midwife would be breaking the law...I think there are ways around that. Homebirth midwifery flourishes in Canada.
I feel for you girl i really do, my last pregnancy with twins was so traumatic for me that I have yet to write it down. You are doing something positive and healing for yourself by getting this all out I really wish I could bring myself to do the same.

My only advice if you have a homebirth next time is to make sure you are completely comfortable with every aspect of your midwifery care or switch right away and make sure you have a cpm and not a cnm who decides later to do homebirth that"s what i had and she was a mess.

I feel for you girl i really do, my last pregnancy with twins was so traumatic for me that I have yet to write it down. You are doing something positive and healing for yourself by getting this all out I really wish I could bring myself to do the same.

My only advice if you have a homebirth next time is to make sure you are completely comfortable with every aspect of your midwifery care or switch right away and make sure you have a cpm and not a cnm who decides later to do homebirth that"s what i had and she was a mess.
Originally Posted by Delma
Are you saying not to use any home birth CNMs, or just ones inexperienced with home birth?

I would say unless once they switch to homebirthing they apprenticed with a homebirth midwife don't use them . Mine was experienced with homebirthing but i don't think she had enough experience in herbs and others aspects of homebirthing to be educated enough to be ahomebirth midwife at least not a very good one and in my case i think a donwn right bad one.

I would say unless once they switch to homebirthing they apprenticed with a homebirth midwife don't use them . Mine was experienced with homebirthing but i don't think she had enough experience in herbs and others aspects of homebirthing to be educated enough to be ahomebirth midwife at least not a very good one and in my case i think a donwn right bad one.
Originally Posted by Delma
That makes sense. I had my home birth with an obstetrician, which is really unusual. I'm not sure if he had any home birth training or just started doing them one day. Also not sure how much he used herbs with clients because I didn't need anything like that at my birth. I knew I wasn't going to get that midwife-type care with a male doctor so I hired a doula that would take care of the hands on, more natural type stuff. Also because I didn't want to be surrounded by just men while giving birth.

I'm sorry things didn't go so well with your midwife.

I'm so sorry, Amneris, that you had to go thru all that and that you were disappointed. It sounds incredibly frustrating.

I will say, however, that you might want to consider the flip side of going late: going early, and having your baby(ies) lie so sick in the NICU for several weeks, and you're hoping with all your might that they will breathe on their own, that they will eat, that all the other health problems will resolve and that you will get to take them home . . . soon.

My three beautiful sons are now all as healthy as can be, but their first weeks were hellish. I'd have given anything to have been able to keep them in there a few more weeks.

Such is the nature of pregnancy and childbirth, right? I think that ultimately the thing the matters is the beautiful baby (or two) who is the result of it all!

Congratulations on your two amazing boys. Keep us posted on #3!
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A

You are beautiful!
I'm so sorry, Amneris, that you had to go thru all that and that you were disappointed. It sounds incredibly frustrating.

I will say, however, that you might want to consider the flip side of going late: going early, and having your baby(ies) lie so sick in the NICU for several weeks, and you're hoping with all your might that they will breathe on their own, that they will eat, that all the other health problems will resolve and that you will get to take them home . . . soon.

My three beautiful sons are now all as healthy as can be, but their first weeks were hellish. I'd have given anything to have been able to keep them in there a few more weeks.

Such is the nature of pregnancy and childbirth, right? I think that ultimately the thing the matters is the beautiful baby (or two) who is the result of it all!

Congratulations on your two amazing boys. Keep us posted on #3!
Originally Posted by Gretchen
Thank you Gretchen.

Yes, that is very true about premature deliveries. I feel fortunate that so far that has not happened to me, especially as I seem to know so many people who did go through it. I really feel for mothers who go home with no baby, have to pump right from the beginning etc. - you guys are supermoms! Glad that your kids are all healthy now. I know it can feel dismissive when people say that, but you are right that in the end that is the #1 concern.

#3 is at least a year and a half away from even being thought of at this point!
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











wow! what an incredible story! i don't think it is sad at all. I hope after recovering these few weeks you've had a change of heart and realize what an incredible story you have to pass on to your child.

When I was pregnant I found out my son had Spina Bifida, and a week later I started having contractions (at 21 weeks!). To deal with it, I wrote a couple of stories about it from my son's point of view (as a fetus) and shared it at an open mic. PPL loved it!
What might seem like a tragedy at first can really be a story of inspiration if you change your way of thinking about it.
when all else fails...eat
[COLOR="Purple"]
Amneris - come to Alberta. We have some excellent midwives, and they're paid for by the government....FINALLY!

As for your birth story, you will find a way to make it special for your son. I tell my son that when he first cried after he was born he sounded like a cat and I thought there was a cat in my room (true story...fatigue does crazy things to your mind) and he thinks it is hilarious.
Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

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