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Old 09-18-2011, 11:46 AM   #1
 
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Default Choice Parenting: Artificial Insemination Anyone?

I am seriously (but tentatively) thinking about taking the artificial insemination route to have a child (ren) within the next few years.

The plan since childhood was to get married before children (& even sex) and I have stuck to 100% of this plan this whole time. I always thought I'd be married by now but it doesn't look that's going to happen anytime soon.

It's not something I WANT to do. It is kind of gross and unnatural. I don't want to explain to a kid that they have no father and I don't really want to raise a kid by myself. I don't want to feel like i have to explain to strangers how my child came to be.

But I don't want to be an old mom either. Just no.

And I don't want to adopt. I want my own and i don't care how selfish that makes me. I don't want to raise someone else's child.

If I have to do parenthood alone, I don't want some guy who can't/won't marry me hanging around giving input on how to raise my kid.

So I'm making preparations. I've done college, i have a decent job and working on a side hustle. I know a child is lots of work and hopefully it turns out that I am able to marry before I resort to this.

Im several months from 30, by the way.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? Is there anyone who has actually gone through with AI?
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Old 09-18-2011, 05:15 PM   #2
 
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If you think it's gross and unnatural, you don't want to have to explain to a child why they have no father and you don't want to raise a child by yourself, then you really should not do it. Because guess what, you are going to have to do those things., No way around it.

A good friend of mine got inseminated at 39 and she has an almost-tow-year-old now. She does not regret it but it is not easy being a single mom. She has a lot of family support and works for her dad while her mother watches her son, but it is still tough. Don't do it unless you are prepared to handle all of it.
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Old 09-18-2011, 06:22 PM   #3
 
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I hear you geeky. The negatives are evils I'd accept as part of my decision and I'd go through explaining and everything else. I understand.

Again, it's not something I really want to do and I probably won't go through with it. Im wrestling with this and don't take it lightly.

I don't think I would regret it because the alternative is not having kids at all or having kids at 45 and I don't want that either.

But I am considering the effects on a child with no physical father.
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Old 09-19-2011, 06:31 AM   #4
 
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I think the hardest part is explaining to the child why they have no father. I have a friend who has 2 daughters through AI. Her husband was infertile, so they needed the donor. She is married, so the kids do have a father, but even though he has been a good father to them, he is not their biological father and they know it, and it just causes all sorts of weirdness. The oldest is 18 now, and just found her "bio" donor, who wasn't the warmest guy in the world. I don't think they'll have a lasting relationship. She also found a "bio" sister and the two of them have sort of bonded. It's sad...the kid is trying to make a new family, even though she grew up with an intact family that was seemingly happy. Why? Apparently, because biology is a strong pull.
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Old 09-19-2011, 11:24 AM   #5
 
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Even if you met Mr Perfect for you tomorrow, fell madly in love, created the perfect baby together, there is guarantee that things couldn't change- that's life.

30 is still young! I had my daughter at 27 with my then fiance, but it was a horrible relationship, we never married but managed to be civil and put her first in our dealings moving forward. At 35 I met the man that I would marry barely a year later, had a child with him at 38, and now (big unplanned surprise) am expecting #3 at 42 ( I'll be a few weeks short of 43 when I deliver).

I never "planned" this schedule either. In fact, because my mom was 41 when she had me, I was very sensitive about being an older mom. By the time I was 33 both my parents were gone, and I was the main caretaker for them in their last few years and that's something I don't want to do to my kids.

But I'm still madly in love and happier than I've ever been with anyone. I'll take the older but married/happy scenario to raise kids than the younger/not as settled life I had with my first.

I wish you luck whatever you decide. Children truly are a miracle and a blessing and if you have the desire and love to have them for the right reasons, then by all means, best wishes!
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