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Old 10-03-2011, 02:35 PM   #1
 
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Default Sex questions from a 4 and 5 year old - help!

So my girls were in the bathtub, and one of them had her Polly Pocket doll at her crotch and was pretending it was a penis. They get a BIG kick out of pretending all kinds of things are penises. I'm not sure what the fascination is, but I'm not really worried about it.

Then they tell me that girls have a little baby penis, and show me their clitoris. I tell them it's not a little penis and then they ask me what is it then? I'm not really sure if I should just answer the question or what. I just don't want them going to school and talking about their clitoris. It seems way too advanced.

The other thing we've talked about is how a baby gets out of your belly. I told them, but then they wanted to know how it gets in there. I just said I didn't know. I really can't think of an age appropriate answer to that question. Any suggestions?
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Old 10-03-2011, 03:52 PM   #2
 
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If you're concerned about them going to school and blabbing about clitori, then I would tell them something simple like: It's not a baby penis. It's something only girls have and you get to use it to feel good when you're older.

As for how babies get in there, I'd say: When mommies and daddies love each other very very much and decide they want a baby, they do a special loving thing together that makes babies. That may satisfy them. If they kept asking, I'd tell them more, but I think it's important to answer the question asked and not necessarily add more info unless/until they want it.
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Old 10-03-2011, 04:10 PM   #3
 
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So my girls were in the bathtub, and one of them had her Polly Pocket doll at her crotch and was pretending it was a penis. They get a BIG kick out of pretending all kinds of things are penises. I'm not sure what the fascination is, but I'm not really worried about it.

Then they tell me that girls have a little baby penis, and show me their clitoris. I tell them it's not a little penis and then they ask me what is it then? I'm not really sure if I should just answer the question or what. I just don't want them going to school and talking about their clitoris. It seems way too advanced.

The other thing we've talked about is how a baby gets out of your belly. I told them, but then they wanted to know how it gets in there. I just said I didn't know. I really can't think of an age appropriate answer to that question. Any suggestions?
our kids asked the same questions at the same age. well, maybe not the clitoris thing.

if you are really worried about them going to school saying "clitoris," maybe you could just tell them that "that" is part of the outside of their vaginas and that all girls and women have them. if they press on for an exact name, just tell them. if they are inquisitive enough to want details, they deserve to be told, just in a way that will not overwhelm them with information.

i would also emphasize to them that they can ask you anything about their bodies that they want to, but that it's not good conversation to go to school, church, and to other people's houses talking about their private parts.

about babies. i told them that babies grow in a woman's womb, not her stomach. food goes through our stomachs, not babies. i also told them that women have eggs (not like chicken eggs, but human eggs) that grow into babies when they are fertilized. after nine months, most women are ready to push their babies out through their vaginas, not where the bm comes out. i think the reason they didn't ask how the eggs got fertilized was because i answered their question by completing the birth scenario with baby being pushed out and being born.

hope this helps.
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Old 10-03-2011, 09:52 PM   #4
 
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Dr Laura Berman has put together some info about talking to your children about sex and their bodies.
Download Dr. Laura Berman's Talking to Kids About Sex Handbook - Oprah.com
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Old 10-04-2011, 02:00 PM   #5
 
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I answer but with minimum information that will satisfy them. No need to add more info than needed.
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Old 10-04-2011, 02:11 PM   #6
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If you're concerned about them going to school and blabbing about clitori, then I would tell them something simple like: It's not a baby penis. It's something only girls have and you get to use it to feel good when you're older.

As for how babies get in there, I'd say: When mommies and daddies love each other very very much and decide they want a baby, they do a special loving thing together that makes babies. That may satisfy them. If they kept asking, I'd tell them more, but I think it's important to answer the question asked and not necessarily add more info unless/until they want it.
Way too much info for a 5 yr old.

I wouldn't make it sound like a big deal or noticable that I'm at all concerned about the question, kids pick up on that and will take it further then they otherwise would have. Secondly I'd just give them basic very minimal answers. I'd say a **** is body part on a woman (that's it) and that babies come in the belly when man and a woman gets married. @ 5 that's plenty enough. Kid's arn't mentally equipped to handle all that sexual stuff yet.
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Old 10-04-2011, 02:38 PM   #7
 
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While I am all for not being graphic, I do believe in telling kids what they are asking.
My almost 4 year old has used the word vulva since she started talking.

I have some neuro problems and it took me 12 years to be diagnosed, because in our culture, most women don't know the difference between a vulva, vestibule and vagina.

My husband is very shy, but if the girls happen to see him naked, we don't make a big deal of it. She knows that boys and girls are different.

When she asked about where her sister came from we simply told her that the love that mommy and daddy have for each other created both her and her sister. She saw me go through my last pregnancy and even came to the OBGYN with me.

At the end of the day, it is every parents decision, but I think honesty is the best policy.
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Old 10-04-2011, 02:41 PM   #8
 
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I didnt knew this stuff till I was 10 and im 16 now

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Old 10-04-2011, 06:23 PM   #9
 
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I didn't know about sex till I got to high school
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Old 10-04-2011, 07:40 PM   #10
 
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If you're concerned about them going to school and blabbing about clitori, then I would tell them something simple like: It's not a baby penis. It's something only girls have and you get to use it to feel good when you're older.

As for how babies get in there, I'd say: When mommies and daddies love each other very very much and decide they want a baby, they do a special loving thing together that makes babies. That may satisfy them. If they kept asking, I'd tell them more, but I think it's important to answer the question asked and not necessarily add more info unless/until they want it.
Way too much info for a 5 yr old.

I wouldn't make it sound like a big deal or noticable that I'm at all concerned about the question, kids pick up on that and will take it further then they otherwise would have. Secondly I'd just give them basic very minimal answers. I'd say a **** is body part on a woman (that's it) and that babies come in the belly when man and a woman gets married. @ 5 that's plenty enough. Kid's arn't mentally equipped to handle all that sexual stuff yet.


Maybe for your 5 year old, but my 5 year olds were savvy enough to know that not every baby is born within marriage. I may withhold some information, depending on the individual maturity of the child, but I would never outright lie to them like that.
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Old 10-05-2011, 04:10 AM   #11
 
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@ 5 that's plenty enough. Kid's arn't mentally equipped to handle all that sexual stuff yet.
Actually, kids are plenty equipped. It's not that big a deal if it is explained simply and age-appropriately. Parents are the ones generally not mentally equipped to handle all that sexual stuff when it comes to kids.

My kids have known the right names for body parts from birth. My soon who is seven just started asking about babies. I told him about the sperm and the egg and the special love, but he wanted to know the mechanics of it, so I got him the book "It's not the stork" I know for me it was more my own discomfort on discussing sex. When I got over it and told him, he pretty much took it in stride and was not traumatized or confused. I told him it was one of those things adults do and kids should not. He is familiar with the concept, so it made sense.



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Old 10-05-2011, 11:57 AM   #12
 
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If you're concerned about them going to school and blabbing about clitori, then I would tell them something simple like: It's not a baby penis. It's something only girls have and you get to use it to feel good when you're older.

As for how babies get in there, I'd say: When mommies and daddies love each other very very much and decide they want a baby, they do a special loving thing together that makes babies. That may satisfy them. If they kept asking, I'd tell them more, but I think it's important to answer the question asked and not necessarily add more info unless/until they want it.
Way too much info for a 5 yr old.

I wouldn't make it sound like a big deal or noticable that I'm at all concerned about the question, kids pick up on that and will take it further then they otherwise would have. Secondly I'd just give them basic very minimal answers. I'd say a **** is body part on a woman (that's it) and that babies come in the belly when man and a woman gets married. @ 5 that's plenty enough. Kid's arn't mentally equipped to handle all that sexual stuff yet.
I have to disagree. My niece was 4 when she came home and said she knew what sex was, "its when a man and a woman gets naked turn off the light and kiss each other". Mommy and daddy had to nib that in the bud, she was already getting crazy info from kids at school. They called me and she asked her questions and gave her honest answers. SHe never came out and asked what sex was, but she asked me other stuff. like body parts.
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Old 10-05-2011, 02:29 PM   #13
 
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I may withhold some information, depending on the individual maturity of the child, but I would never outright lie to them like that.
I agree.
When my daughter asked me about how babies get into a mommy's tummy, I told her that the daddy and mommy make the baby and it grows in the mommy's tummy.

She seemed satisfied until the following day when she asked me again - "wait, HOW do they make a baby again?" I can't even remember what I said, but I promised myself I'd get the book that Geeky recommended and I never did. Ugh.
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Old 10-06-2011, 11:10 PM   #14
 
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While I am all for not being graphic, I do believe in telling kids what they are asking.
My almost 4 year old has used the word vulva since she started talking.

At the end of the day, it is every parents decision, but I think honesty is the best policy.
Agreed. An arm is an arm. A vulva is a vulva. It is what it is.
I've always answered questions honestly. I figured that either I can give my children the correct information or their friends can "educate" them.
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Old 10-07-2011, 09:35 AM   #15
 
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I also think it's fine to tell them all the correct names for the parts. I do tell my kids that the parts are private which means we don't show them to people and don't go around talking about them in school. But I figure if they say 'clitoris' at the playground it's not that big a deal. It's not like calling a kid a "f****** as*******" or something, it's just using a scientific word.
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