Discussing "controversial" pregnancy/birth/etc decisions with people...

Like Tree6Likes

I thought you said it really nice in a few posts up. You feel like your decisions are up for debate when in fact, they are not.

Can you say that to her? Something like "hubby's name and my decisions on XYZ are not up for debate". That way, you both look like a united team on the decision making.
hello.world.
I thought you said it really nice in a few posts up. You feel like your decisions are up for debate when in fact, they are not.

Can you say that to her? Something like "hubby's name and my decisions on XYZ are not up for debate". That way, you both look like a united team on the decision making.
Originally Posted by webjockey
I could try, I just feel weird setting boundaries with her. I'm fine doing it with my parents, but I feel out of place doing it with her. I've told the husband he needs to do it with his parents -- and he has about other issues (I think I posted about her randomly showing up to decorate our house before...) -- but if he doesn't do it soon about this, I'm going to have to.
I'm glad you two talked and he understands how you feel. I really hope he follows up with your MIL and that these issues get resolved quickly and easily. I really do know how hard it can be. I hope everyone backs off and you are able to have a pregnancy that's as stress free as possible. Good for you for choosing what you feel is best for you and your baby and not backing down.
High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

Thanks Jess. I really appreciate everyone's input here.

Also, what does one say when someone says "SO.. ANY BABY NEWS?!?" My reaction is... umm... it's still in there. What are these crazy people looking for?
I thought you said it really nice in a few posts up. You feel like your decisions are up for debate when in fact, they are not.

Can you say that to her? Something like "hubby's name and my decisions on XYZ are not up for debate". That way, you both look like a united team on the decision making.
Originally Posted by webjockey
I could try, I just feel weird setting boundaries with her. I'm fine doing it with my parents, but I feel out of place doing it with her. I've told the husband he needs to do it with his parents -- and he has about other issues (I think I posted about her randomly showing up to decorate our house before...) -- but if he doesn't do it soon about this, I'm going to have to.
Originally Posted by Like.Australia
I understand the discomfort, but if you want peace of mind, you'll have to overcome that discomfort because it will just continue.

Been there, done that (and still doing that). Some people just won't stop until they are confronted in plain language. In my family, I'm battling centuries of tradition where grown mothers are seen as "rude" or "disrespectful" of their elders for contradicting them.

It's a tough nut to break. Bottom line, my sanity and need for respect is more important than their traditions.

As for "any baby news" questions, I usually say "still in there doin what he/she does"

I call him/her "Cletus the fetus".

Drives some people crazy.
hello.world.
Other than on website discussion boards (and I don't only mean this one), I have never experienced anyone criticizing, mocking or challenging anyone's decision to have a certain type of delivery, serve a certain type of food, sleep a certain way, etc.

I've found IRL (discussion boards are an entirely different thing) women usually try to be friendly and helpful when talking about these topics with other women who are pregnant.

I've encountered differing opinions, but never "tsk tsk tsk you dummy" type stuff.

Are these people like this about other topics when you are not pregnant?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Other than on website discussion boards (and I don't only mean this one), I have never experienced anyone criticizing, mocking or challenging anyone's decision to have a certain type of delivery, serve a certain type of food, sleep a certain way, etc.

I've found IRL (discussion boards are an entirely different thing) women usually try to be friendly and helpful when talking about these topics with other women who are pregnant.

I've encountered differing opinions, but never "tsk tsk tsk you dummy" type stuff.

Are these people like this about other topics when you are not pregnant?
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Yup.
I thought you said it really nice in a few posts up. You feel like your decisions are up for debate when in fact, they are not.

Can you say that to her? Something like "hubby's name and my decisions on XYZ are not up for debate". That way, you both look like a united team on the decision making.
Originally Posted by webjockey
I could try, I just feel weird setting boundaries with her. I'm fine doing it with my parents, but I feel out of place doing it with her. I've told the husband he needs to do it with his parents -- and he has about other issues (I think I posted about her randomly showing up to decorate our house before...) -- but if he doesn't do it soon about this, I'm going to have to.
Originally Posted by Like.Australia
I understand the discomfort, but if you want peace of mind, you'll have to overcome that discomfort because it will just continue.

Been there, done that (and still doing that). Some people just won't stop until they are confronted in plain language. In my family, I'm battling centuries of tradition where grown mothers are seen as "rude" or "disrespectful" of their elders for contradicting them.

It's a tough nut to break. Bottom line, my sanity and need for respect is more important than their traditions.

As for "any baby news" questions, I usually say "still in there doin what he/she does"

I call him/her "Cletus the fetus".

Drives some people crazy.
Originally Posted by webjockey
Thanks. Yeah, I'll give my husband a couple more days to deal with his mom himself. If she continues, I guess I'll confront her. We don't see them all that often, maybe once or twice a month max and it's rare that it's just us and them. She wanted to spend time with just us and not his other brothers/their wives for some reason the other night. It was odd.. and awkward.
I didn't read through all the posts but let me just say I sooo feel your pain!! When I had my last baby and decided to nurse him my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws had a cow. And when he was 7 months old I was asked if it was about time to switch to a bottle. (uh no) and heaven forbid I try to feed him anywhere with people around. With this baby not only am I nursing again (I can hear them shudder) but I'm also cloth diapering. My MIL said "I'll just buy a back of diapers to keep at my house" My response "Well if you want to waste your money on them go right a head" Thankfully I have my mom who nursed me and cloth diapered me who has been very supportive to me. Hold firm roll your eyes and call your best girlfriend to complain about how your MIL is driving you crazy at least that's what I do







Ahh the MIL battles.... They won't stop after you have the baby either, there will always be things you two see differently. Strange that I don't as often hear of mother/daughter battles that are quite as intense. My mom lets me do what I want and has not ever criticized my choices. I had to really establish boundaries w/ MIL. She stepped over them a few times and thankfully either my FIL or my husband stepped up to say that what I chose to do with my child was not her decision. Now things are much better, my son is a toddler, but occasionally she will say something and I will have to say, "It's my decision, but thanks for your input."
FIA: 2b-c/f/i, normal porosity/elasticity I think?

Current favs:
lo-poo: Giovanni
Co-Wash: V05 Kiwi Lime
RO: CJ Beauticurls,
LI: Ouidad Botanical Boost
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Stylers: LALSG, Aussome Volume Gel
last weekend Quentin (my 4 year old) wanted his aunt to cut his hair a mohawk I was fine with it, he's had them before and he looks pretty darn cute with them. As I'm telling my sis-in-law it's fine my MIL is yelling over top of me "no he can't have one you're not cutting one" and on and on and on. I finally looked at her and said "or his MOTHER said yes so it's fine!!!"
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