Why do people think you should give up your life?

Well, as someone who never once even considered staying home with my child prior to giving birth, let me just tell you that it is hard to predict where your heart and body will be once that baby arrives! A a scientist who has years of education under her belt, tons of student loans, and was in the middle of finishing my PhD, I could *not* imagine handing my high needs baby over to anyone else. I doubt I ever will unless forced into it.

Poor as a church mouse, yes, but happy to be the one making sure my boobear is safe and happy.

Everyone is different, but maybe these people had experiences similar to mine and expect everyone else to feel the same way (but not everyone does!)
Originally Posted by Swirlycurly Chemist
I love, love, love that you wrote this. Because I remember your reaction when you found out you were pregnant. And you are right, a woman never knows how she will truly feel until she is holding that baby in her arms.
Originally Posted by medussa
I totally agree, and I also remember your reaction to finding out you were pregnant...and you're completely right. You never know how you're going to feel once you have the baby in your arms. Also, you never know how you're going to feel about having to leave that baby to go back to work...it's easy for some people and can be the hardest thing to do for others.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.

I agree with all three of these comments. There are some women who have no problem with carrying on the lives they had before they had children - and there are others who cannot fathom keeping their old lives because it involves occasionally leaving their children behind.

Either decision is quite fine, and totally depends on the personality of the person - and yes, you truly do not know how you're going to feel about that until the baby comes. It's amazing how in the blink of an eye you're entire being can change.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
I also think that "We'll see" is a good answer for a lot of questions regarding after-baby planning.

You don't want to enter into a discussion when you don't really know what the outcome is going to be anyways. No point in vehemently insisting that you will be travelling for work at 6 weeks PP, when in the end you may decide otherwise. You just end up setting yourself up for "I told you so".
Originally Posted by mad scientist
That's why you don't want somebody spiteful like me arguing with you...even if I was tortured by leaving the baby, I would keep at it and throw myself into my work to distract myself. Just so nobody could ever, ever say those four little words.

Shoot, if I had to walk around wearing bear traps to spite some rude woman, I wouldn't put it past me.
OMG, LOOK!!

...It's a siggie.
I just got a job offer for an awesome job down the street from my house, but it's 60 hours a week and would start right after my projected due date. The money will be so good, and I know that will be useful at the time, plus it's less than 5 minutes from my house.

I'm almost scared to take them up on the offer. It's so appealing, but who knows if I will be able to have the kind of flexibility I have with my job now... Who knows if I will have this chance again, though...

Plus, I have no idea how I will feel once the baby is born. I may not even want to come to work (although we don't have the luxury of me staying home).

I just got a job offer for an awesome job down the street from my house, but it's 60 hours a week and would start right after my projected due date. The money will be so good, and I know that will be useful at the time, plus it's less than 5 minutes from my house.

I'm almost scared to take them up on the offer. It's so appealing, but who knows if I will be able to have the kind of flexibility I have with my job now... Who knows if I will have this chance again, though...

Plus, I have no idea how I will feel once the baby is born. I may not even want to come to work (although we don't have the luxury of me staying home).
Originally Posted by Munchy
Honestly Munchy, starting a new 60 hour a week job right after having a baby seems beyond stressful.

It's hard enough trying to prove yourself and learn the ropes at a new job, but now you'll be trying to do it without sleep. You'll also be trying to learn the ropes as a new mother at home so you'll never feel like you're in any kind of comfort zone.

This isn't a situation where you need to give up your life, but you do have to think about your santiy. You can't put a price tag on that.
If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
Munchy -JennyC is wise.

Amneris - I've been a SAHM and a go to work at the office and leave the baby mom too. Both decisions were hard to make. I was a SAHM when I could afford it and now I'm a leave the baby mom because I cannot afford to be a SAHM. Everyone has an opinion about everything you do when you become a parent. Heaven forbid, I went back to college when S was 2 years old WHILE working. You would have thought I'd sold her on the illegal adoption market the way most people were so unsupportive. My response to their shock and abhorrence: "How can I teach her she can do anything, be anything she wants IF I DON'T SET THE EXAMPLE FOR HER?"

Hang in there!
Heaven forbid, I went back to college when S was 2 years old WHILE working. You would have thought I'd sold her on the illegal adoption market the way most people were so unsupportive. My response to their shock and abhorrence: "How can I teach her she can do anything, be anything she wants IF I DON'T SET THE EXAMPLE FOR HER?"

It's awfully rough on the kid when the mother is away so much though. I did it too...went back to school when my oldest was 2, while also working full-time. It was very difficult on both of us. I set an example for him, sure...but I also put him through hell by not being there.
Munchy -JennyC is wise.

Amneris - I've been a SAHM and a go to work at the office and leave the baby mom too. Both decisions were hard to make. I was a SAHM when I could afford it and now I'm a leave the baby mom because I cannot afford to be a SAHM. Everyone has an opinion about everything you do when you become a parent. Heaven forbid, I went back to college when S was 2 years old WHILE working. You would have thought I'd sold her on the illegal adoption market the way most people were so unsupportive. My response to their shock and abhorrence: "How can I teach her she can do anything, be anything she wants IF I DON'T SET THE EXAMPLE FOR HER?"

Hang in there!
Originally Posted by goldencurly
Thanks! The bold is how I'm thinking, too. I want my doctorate, so school and kids may be in my future, too...
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











The thing that irks me most is that no one asks men the same question. The first day I returned to work, one of my co-workers didn't say "Welcome back," but, "I didn't think we'd see you back!" Nice.

The way my life was before is gone--some days i have hard time accepting that the freedom I had before (and the "me" time) is just not the same anymore, I won't lie. And while I am glad I nursed, the whole nursing-pumping at work juggling act was a HUGE stress that I honestly don't miss. And with all the parenting debates on the "mommy" board that I joined when I was pregnant, I got a good idea of all the demands and expectations that people have of you once you've had a child.

For me, maintaining a social life outside of work and home has been a real effort, but it is manageable if you have a considerate husband and you want to make the effort.

I am like geeky--I don't think i have the makings to be a SAHM (I lack infinite patience, to start), but the next time around, I would like to stay home longer than the 3 mos. mandated maternity leave if it's feasible.

And Swirly, you definitely made a 180 degree change, as a former fellow "preggo" at the time, it was an amazing thing to witness in someone else.
Hey gemini! Long time no see - how are you and the family?
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Heaven forbid, I went back to college when S was 2 years old WHILE working. You would have thought I'd sold her on the illegal adoption market the way most people were so unsupportive. My response to their shock and abhorrence: "How can I teach her she can do anything, be anything she wants IF I DON'T SET THE EXAMPLE FOR HER?"

It's awfully rough on the kid when the mother is away so much though. I did it too...went back to school when my oldest was 2, while also working full-time. It was very difficult on both of us. I set an example for him, sure...but I also put him through hell by not being there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
S didn't go through hell. I worked my schedule so I had classes only 4 days a week and with no breaks between them most days so I was gone the least amount of time possible. My last semester, I had one night class, and even though it was only one night a week, it truly sucked. I think I minded that time away from S more than she did. S is very independent and she never went through seperation anxiety or felt abandoned or neglected. My mother took care of her when I was at work or school. When at home, I devoted myself to her when she was awake. Once she was asleep, then I did homework. I didn't get nearly enough sleep! It wasn't easy on me, but she didn't suffer. Aside from the one night class, going to school and working wasn't that big of a jump from just working 40 hours a week. I realize every mother-child relationship is different of course and this is only my experience.
Hey gemini! Long time no see - how are you and the family?
Originally Posted by Amneris
We are all doing well thanks for asking. Elise will be 18 mos. old on the 21st.

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