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Old 11-30-2007, 02:42 PM   #21
 
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Well, In the OP's defense she said she has been involved with a man for 3 years who is financially stable. Rewind 45 years or longer and this would be what 75% of young American women would have said they aspired to. The main differences would be that 1) they wouldn't be willing to "start trying" till after marriage...and 2) they would already know how the bf felt about settling down and raising a family etc. long before 3 years had passed.

It's none of my business and not relevant to the original question...but i am curious how the OP spends her days now...school, a job she likes, a job she hates, unemployed, etc.?
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Old 11-30-2007, 03:23 PM   #22
 
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please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose."
CGNYC wait a minute...you're telling us you're not painting, taking care of your flock of pets, and cooking up a feast every night? I refuse to believe it. Refuse!

Joking--sorry, I couldn't resist. This thread is like watching an impending trainwreck. And I keep coming back.

SL5000--I agree--in an earlier era, this "plan" would've worked, but now, not so much.
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Old 11-30-2007, 04:00 PM   #23
 
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please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose."
CGNYC wait a minute...you're telling us you're not painting, taking care of your flock of pets, and cooking up a feast every night? I refuse to believe it. Refuse!
Don't forget the all the bon-bons she's eating.

I think it's fine to feel a calling to motherhood. And if you want to stay home with the kids and you find a partner that is on board with that plan, that's great. (But you would be a dumbass to not get an education and have no prospects for any career, because there are no guarantees in life).
But to say that if you don't have a partner you can just have a kid and live below the poverty line and all witll be fine and dandy is pretty short-sighted, immature and not based in reality.
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Old 11-30-2007, 06:41 PM   #24
 
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CGNYC wait a minute...you're telling us you're not painting, taking care of your flock of pets, and cooking up a feast every night? I refuse to believe it. Refuse!
I know you guys all look up to me as some hybrid of Super Mom, the Perfect Wife, and Martha Stewart so I hate to bring it all crashing down but...wait, sorry. Hang on. Let me catch my breath and settle down. I can't stop laughing.

Yeah, motherhood is a fine career goal! SAHM is a perfectly legit career path but if you think that being a SAHM is all fine dining, hobbies, pet interestes, reading, and hobbies then you really REALLY need some reality. SAHMing is the death of all that (for at least a while) unless you really ARE some hybrid of Super Mom, the Perfect Wife, and Martha Stewart. Or your parner is.
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Old 12-01-2007, 12:13 PM   #25
 
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Wow, I started a very controversial thread. I don't know why I aired my unconventional opinions on living.. I already know no one agrees with me. But now I feel compelled to defend myself.

I bought insurance from Blue Cross yesterday (only $118 a month!). I am going to start looking for doctors.

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You say you know people who are doing OK with minimum work, but how many single moms that live below the poverty line or working for minimum wage do you know? Raising kids with no health insurance? Plenty of people in this country are doing this out of necessity, but I doubt that anyone having that experience would do it by choice.
The 'poverty line' is very high, at least where I lived. Like I said my family was making about 30 thou (or a little under) a year. We still qualified for discounted school lunches and CHIP.

I know about 9 women (mostly other waitresses, one a bank teller, one a vet technician) with 1-4 children, who make very little money. Most of them don't have SOs. Some have dads paying child support, but most don't. A lot of them have family or friends who help out with childcare, but several don't.. they manage. It's not easy but they manage, and their kids seem fine.. in fact, all of their kids are good kids (though they're all young yet). As far as I know all their kids have insurance, though some of the women themselves don't.. which I think is unwise.

None of them live on minimum wage, but neither do I! I couldn't. But it's not hard to find a job that doesn't require skills that still makes all right money. I make at least $10 an hour waitressing. On a really good day I have made an average of $22 an hour. Tax free. I make more a month than my friend who is a vet tech (2 years of college) and my friend who works back-breaking doubles at a half-way home for pyschologically disturbed children (4 years of college).

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please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose."
By 'how I choose' I really meant that I would choose to work 5 hours 4 days a week and spend the rest of my time cooking, going grocery shopping, breaking up the kid's fights, taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever, making them do their homework, walking the dog, cleaning endlessly.. and all the other things you have to do for your family, rather than stay at the office for 9 hours 5 days a week. Even if that means I can't own a car or a house, and we never go on vacation, I am okay with that.

Right now I do not have those responsibilities, so I am able to make art and bake in my free time. OBVIOUSLY I won't when I have 2 kids!

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Planning to raise a child in poverty and rack up credit card debt is NOT a good plan. We are around the same age and I can tell you that living a life where you barely have any financial cushion is not fun and gets old fast.
I have a financial cushion. I have several thousand dollars in the bank.. enough to support myself for several months if I got hurt, and more than plenty of people I know, many with high-paying jobs, who don't save any money at all. I am a big believer in saving. I am also a big believer in never getting into credit care debt!

NOTE TO EVERYONE: I don't recall anywhere saying I am planning on being a stay-at-home mom. Even if I have kids with my BF I am not planning on letting him be the sole breadwinner for any length of time. I am only saying that I will chose to work LESS and make LESS, even though this entails some sacrifices, in order to spend time doing things that are more valuable to me (even if they aren't fun, and are 'work' in themselves).

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Oh honey, grow up. This is like a twelve year old's idea of what life should be like.
Ouch. This is what my life IS, dude. Right now, this is actually what I do.. and it's nice, yes, but it is a luxury. Later it will change (duh). I am not a retard. I helped my mom run a house and raise my sisters (and later take care of my father when he was severely brain-injured and we couldn't afford in-home care), so I do have some concept of the work that entails.

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It's none of my business and not relevant to the original question...but i am curious how the OP spends her days now...school, a job she likes, a job she hates, unemployed, etc.?
I have my own apartment. I waitress and work at a coffee shop part-time. I used to work 7 days a week but that got old, now I've cut my hours back and I'm spending way too much time on the internet I cook, clean, take care of my many pets, read a lot, make art, and hang out with my BF. That's about it.[/quote]
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Old 12-01-2007, 01:29 PM   #26
 
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Originally Posted by rhubarbarin
Wow, I started a very controversial thread. I don't know why I aired my unconventional opinions on living.. I already know no one agrees with me.
That should tell you something...
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Old 12-01-2007, 01:47 PM   #27
 
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I don't know why I aired my unconventional opinions on living.
Me neither.
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Old 12-01-2007, 01:51 PM   #28
 
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I should have said, no one who lives in the normal American way agrees with me.

People who have the same lifestyle I do obviously understand where I am coming from. And yes, I do know some personally.
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Old 12-01-2007, 05:50 PM   #29
 
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By 'how I choose' I really meant that I would choose to work 5 hours 4 days a week and spend the rest of my time cooking, going grocery shopping, breaking up the kid's fights, taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever, making them do their homework, walking the dog, cleaning endlessly.. and all the other things you have to do for your family, rather than stay at the office for 9 hours 5 days a week. Even if that means I can't own a car or a house, and we never go on vacation, I am okay with that.
How do you plan on taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever if you do not have the extra money to pay for it. That stuff is not cheap.

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I used to work 7 days a week but that got old, now I've cut my hours back
welcome to motherhood. It is 7 days a week 24 hours a day. And if it gets old, you cannot just quit.

personally, I think you are being a bit delusional, but hey, not my life.
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Old 12-01-2007, 07:18 PM   #30
 
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Tax free
Just how is it tax free?
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Old 12-01-2007, 07:41 PM   #31
 
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We still qualified for discounted school lunches and CHIP.

taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever

I make at least $10 an hour waitressing. On a really good day I have made an average of $22 an hour. Tax free.


This "unconventional" lifestyle sounds an awful lot like you plan on relying on taxpayers to raise your children...in other words...Welfare. Reduced school lunches are paid for by taxpayers. CHIP is paid for by taxpayers. You obviously are not a taxpayer, since you appear to be illegally not paying your taxes.

Wait til you find out how much dance and piano lessons cost. My daughter takes dance and piano lessons...about $500 for both per month, just for her. Taxpayers aren't going to pick up that tab.
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Old 12-01-2007, 08:28 PM   #32
 
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Anyway after I am 30 or 40 I think I should at least make an effort to get some sort of education and maybe get a job that will provide me with a pension..
This part kills me. What companies provide pensions anymore?
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Old 12-02-2007, 07:28 AM   #33
 
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Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
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We still qualified for discounted school lunches and CHIP.

taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever

I make at least $10 an hour waitressing. On a really good day I have made an average of $22 an hour. Tax free.


This "unconventional" lifestyle sounds an awful lot like you plan on relying on taxpayers to raise your children...in other words...Welfare. Reduced school lunches are paid for by taxpayers. CHIP is paid for by taxpayers. You obviously are not a taxpayer, since you appear to be illegally not paying your taxes.

Wait til you find out how much dance and piano lessons cost. My daughter takes dance and piano lessons...about $500 for both per month, just for her. Taxpayers aren't going to pick up that tab.
Yep.
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Old 12-02-2007, 07:29 AM   #34
 
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Originally Posted by deezee02
How do you plan on taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever if you do not have the extra money to pay for it. That stuff is not cheap.
I was wondering that as well. To make sure I'm clear on this: Possibly all on your own, you'll work just 20 hours a week, will pay rent, feed, clothe your child/children, feed and care for your pets, and have money left for piano and dance lessons and your own 'hobbies'?

If this is all true, then you really should consider writing a book. I know I'd buy it. Because clearly you know some secret, magic, financial formula for making all this happen that all the rest of us who are actually living the REALITY of life and parenting have no clue about!
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Old 12-02-2007, 02:18 PM   #35
 
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Originally Posted by SweetPickles
Quote:
Originally Posted by deezee02
How do you plan on taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever if you do not have the extra money to pay for it. That stuff is not cheap.
I was wondering that as well. To make sure I'm clear on this: Possibly all on your own, you'll work just 20 hours a week, will pay rent, feed, clothe your child/children, feed and care for your pets, and have money left for piano and dance lessons and your own 'hobbies'?

If this is all true, then you really should consider writing a book. I know I'd buy it. Because clearly you know some secret, magic, financial formula for making all this happen that all the rest of us who are actually living the REALITY of life and parenting have no clue about!

If you were to write that book you would be a millionaire!

Most people don't want to work, most people if they could get away with only working 20 hours a week would. Do you think anyone wants to work back breaking work for 40-65 hours a week? And the whole line about living below the poverty level is just a matter of careful managment and budgeting is laughable. So what, all the people who don't manage are just irresponsible? Just because you know a few people who pull it off, doesn't mean it's that easy. You don't know all their details.

And for those women who don't have health insurance, they probably don't have it because they can't afford it. Responsible parents don't just decide they'd rather spend their money elsewhere then health insurance, espcially single ones. I bet they are fully aware of the fact that they would be desitude if something were to happen to them. Your insurnance company wouldn't be happy with the fact that you got it just for the sole purpose so you can get pregnant, if they don't flat out drop you, they can give you a lot of trouble with not paying for anything without a fight. Believe me I had problems with that very company not paying for stuff that they were supposed to pay. It doesn't matter if the insurance company was supposed to pay for something, even the most understanding doctors will only wait for so long before they want their money.

You say they get a lot of help from family and loved ones, but you can't depend on that. People get tired of other people always asking for help.

And what if something would be wrong with you child? You can't plan for that. No insurance covers everything, and you can quickly go into debt. A lot of daycares won't take, or charge more for special needs kids.

And one last point, just because you are ok with a minimalist lifestyle, doesn't mean your kids will be. And you can't predict how a person will react to situations. Some people will take up their parents habits, others will go in the extreme in the other direction. And kids can be cruel, and often tease others who don't have a lot or get public assistance.
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Old 12-02-2007, 04:08 PM   #36
 
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And what if something would be wrong with you child? You can't plan for that. No insurance covers everything, and you can quickly go into debt. A lot of daycares won't take, or charge more for special needs kids.
i did not even bring that one into this.

I have a child with a terminal heart defect. in his first MONTH of life, he racked up $750,000 in medical bills. Thankfully we have always had exceptional insurance. We still have to pay about $30,000 in co-pays though. PLUS $80 a month in medication. we also have 2 more open heart surgeries in the future, one of those being a heart transplant. If you are not stable and do not have insurance, you do not qualify for that. He was not approved for daycare until he was a year old. I was pretty much out of work for a whole year. Had it not been for Hubby, I would be flat broke and in extreeme serious debt. NOT a good place to be if you hae a sick kid.
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Old 12-02-2007, 04:22 PM   #37
 
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Originally Posted by Scarlet
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Tax free
Just how is it tax free?
It's tax free if you lie to the IRS and cheat on your taxes. Hello, audit!
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Old 12-02-2007, 05:09 PM   #38
 
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Well, yes. I just wanted to ask as there probably is a very interesting explanation.
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Old 12-02-2007, 07:45 PM   #39
 
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Originally Posted by deezee02
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And what if something would be wrong with you child? You can't plan for that. No insurance covers everything, and you can quickly go into debt. A lot of daycares won't take, or charge more for special needs kids.
i did not even bring that one into this.

I have a child with a terminal heart defect. in his first MONTH of life, he racked up $750,000 in medical bills. Thankfully we have always had exceptional insurance. We still have to pay about $30,000 in co-pays though. PLUS $80 a month in medication. we also have 2 more open heart surgeries in the future, one of those being a heart transplant. If you are not stable and do not have insurance, you do not qualify for that. He was not approved for daycare until he was a year old. I was pretty much out of work for a whole year. Had it not been for Hubby, I would be flat broke and in extreeme serious debt. NOT a good place to be if you hae a sick kid.
Yep. No one expects to have a sick baby, but it happens and it gets expensive fast. Having a baby in the NICU can cost thousands or tens of thousands of dollars a day, for example. Insurance doesn't cover everything. One of my professors had twins that were born at 26 weeks and were each in the NICU for three months. The bills were in the 5 or 6 digits. And they still are paying for physical therapy for the babies and frequent doctor visits because they still have health problems from being so premature. Lucky for them, they had good insurance. If they didn't, their finances would be ruined.
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Old 12-02-2007, 09:53 PM   #40
 
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 I am not a retard
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Just wanted to add that this comment shows your immaturity. I bust my butt making sure I am the one taking care of my child not the government. I am paying taxes on my income. Is it fair that you are planning on your child getting free lunch and mine will be brown bagging it? I am the one paying into the system that you are planning (and already are) abusing.
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