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Old 06-29-2009, 09:58 AM   #1
 
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Default Maybe a bit morbid but a good parenting topic I think still...

I know this seems like a morbid topic but with all the deaths lately.. it got me thinking....

God forbid something happens to both hubby and me (tragically) who will step
up to take care of our son?

Liam does have a godmother and I selected her specifically because she was
married and my age and would have been perfect for raising Liam.. now she is divorced and doesn't really want kids... She in my book is still considered
someone Liam calls Auntie but both hubby and I feel that maybe it would be wise to select someone else...

I don't have siblings so that takes that out

my hubby has one brother so that's an option but he's not married, is over 30and still lives with the folks....get my drift?

I out of the blue asked hubby about this.. he called me morbid but still said
he would pick his folks over mine because A) they are younger, B) they have a bigger house. (mine are almost retired and live in a condo!) and he
says that his are more financially stable... (even though his folks are on perm disability)

I don't dare get into an argument now but wonder what if?????

Do you have folks in mind for your kids??? is this a hot button issue with
your sig other??

D
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:16 AM   #2
 
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We have it in our wills/health care proxies.
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:34 AM   #3
 
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webbie,

was your choice a "given" or did it take a while to come to an agreement?
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:36 AM   #4
 
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As all our parents are either in their 80's or dead, my husband and I don't have too much of a choice. Our siblings aren't really capable or are already at their breaking points raising their own families. Currently, we have it set up to take our estate and form a trust, with our oldest son (age 23) as the executor in charge of his younger siblings. I hope it never comes to pass and all that responsibility doesn't fall on him.
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:46 AM   #5
 
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Ours is a very tough situation. We mostly agree with each other about it, but God forbid if anything ever happened, I think our families would be really offended. While both my sister and his sister have kids, we strongly disagree with their parenting styles. Plus, neither is super-stable and his sister just left her husband with three kids of her own, and is in a horrible financial situation. Either of our parents COULD be okay (better than either sister) but we still don't agree with parenting styles. Our best-couple-friends are who we'll most likely put when we make our will. They're getting married in two weeks but have been together for many years, own a home together, and will probably start having children themselves within the next couple years. Right now, it seems like they'll have similar parenting views as we do, but if they end up being very different we may be back at square 1.
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Old 06-29-2009, 11:07 AM   #6
 
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We've talked about it. We'd prefer one of our siblings to take care of them due to age concerns. Both our younger sisters are a little flaky, though they've gotten less so. My older sister has three kids of her own and money is a little tight with them. His middle sister is probably who we'd go with. She and her husband have one kid, she's a stay-at-home-mom and has more time to devote to childcare, they have a big house, and money is not tight with them. I don't agree with all of their parenting decisions or styles, but it's such a remote possibility, I'm not going to dwell on it. For example, even though she still co-sleeps with her daughter at age 5 and makes her macaroni and cheese for dinner half the time, things I wouldn't do in my home, her daughter is happy, healthy, and loved. I think that's the most important thing.

We don't have a will or any legal documents stating our wishes. I guess we should make one. We have several lawyer friends who would probably help us.
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Old 06-29-2009, 11:33 AM   #7
 
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Our very good friends just asked us this weekend to be godparents to their baby and guardians to both their kids if something happens to them. This is the baby that I babysit during the week, and his 11 year old brother, whom I'm also sitting for the summer, so we know the kids very intimately. We would take them and raise them gladly, and we told them so. But, I pointed out to my friends, that we might not be so good at the "godparents" part, since hubby and I are both atheists and wouldn't likely carry on their catholic teachings. They were OK with that. They said they'd rather their kids had a loving home than religion.

I think this is a good example that no arrangement is going to be as good as the parenting you currently provide...you just have to choose the "best" you can, given your choices. And sometimes you have to make compromises.
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Old 06-29-2009, 11:48 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves View Post
Our very good friends just asked us this weekend to be godparents to their baby and guardians to both their kids if something happens to them. This is the baby that I babysit during the week, and his 11 year old brother, whom I'm also sitting for the summer, so we know the kids very intimately. We would take them and raise them gladly, and we told them so. But, I pointed out to my friends, that we might not be so good at the "godparents" part, since hubby and I are both atheists and wouldn't likely carry on their catholic teachings. They were OK with that. They said they'd rather their kids had a loving home than religion.

I think this is a good example that no arrangement is going to be as good as the parenting you currently provide...you just have to choose the "best" you can, given your choices. And sometimes you have to make compromises.
Yep...hubby & I are in this exact situation & while my mom had a fit, hubby & I were on the same page & know we made the right decision.....

Y'all don't forget to do some sort of a will, especially now w/ kiddos...I think it's extremely important if you want your wishes met. I have seen too many messes...even write something out in the meantime...time gets away from us, that's for sure...
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Old 06-29-2009, 12:07 PM   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deedles View Post
webbie,

was your choice a "given" or did it take a while to come to an agreement?
It did take a while. Mind you, I was having a kid with someone I didn't know for very long so I was still in the process of getting to know his family etc.

Our pool of eligible candidates were pretty narrow which made things much easier.

Their inheritances, college funds, etc. are also setup.
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Old 06-29-2009, 02:05 PM   #10
 
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My husband is in the Army, so we most definitely have had this talk. We decided that we would want my sister and her husband to care for Lilly if something happened to us. It really was a no-brainer and they say that they would gladly take her.
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Old 06-29-2009, 03:09 PM   #11
 
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my parents would take majerle. they live 15 minutes away so she sees them several times a week. they wouldnt have it any other way, nor would we.
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Old 06-29-2009, 03:43 PM   #12
 
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I assume my parents would. And if somethign happened to them, I trust that they would pick suitable "replacements". I trust my mom 100% He woudl be spoiled freakin' rotton, but we all grew up pretty well, so I know she would always have his best interest at heart.
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Old 06-29-2009, 04:07 PM   #13
 
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We took care of our wills and guardianship issues after DD was born.

For us the tricky part is that while my kids are very close to my inlaws - my MIL lives with us and effectively raises the kids along side us, but she is also 70 years old, and couldn't raise the kids alone. My SIL is also very close to the kids but she's not married and I wouldn't want to impact on her future by having her take the kids.

So the kids will go to my brother and his wife, who live across the continent from us in Boston and see the kids maybe a couple of times a year. But they are very similar to us in their values and priorities and socio-economics. I told my brother explicitly that I would want him to make it a priority that the kids retain a relationship with MIL and SIL.
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Old 06-29-2009, 04:46 PM   #14
 
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DH and I have asked my sister to take our daughter if something happened to us.
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Old 06-29-2009, 04:55 PM   #15
 
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Wow this thread freaks me out my SO and I have never even talked about this , their is no one that I trust enough to raise my kids.
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:31 PM   #16
 
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We would have DH's brother and sister-in-law take DD. They are her godparents and although they are 12 years older than us, they would be wonderful with her.

As a lawyer, I am embarrassed to admit, we haven't prepared a will or had a trust set up for DD yet. I have no excuse since attorneys in my firm could do this for free.
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Old 06-29-2009, 07:35 PM   #17
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My son will go live with my husband's parents or his sister. My sister will not get custody of my child - too much drama, too many exhusbands that she's still having trouble with. We've also discussed what to do if something happens to her. She knows that I cannot handle her children - I cannot mentally or emotionally deal with more than 1 child or too much stress. My sister has three other sisters that aren't related to me and one of them would get custody.
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Old 06-30-2009, 10:18 AM   #18
 
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Deedles, this is not a morbid question more like a practical one. Too many couples don't think about these things until it's too late and then it's the kiddos that suffer when the families end up fighting over them.

With that being said, hubby and I are guilty of the above. We've talked about it but still haven't put it down on paper. Both sets of parents are too old. My one sister has 8 kids, my SIL and her husband don't have kids yet but if they do...I can see our kids not being treated the same etc. That leaves my other sister and BIL...who are a lot older than me but would probably be our best bet. She would love them and give them a great home. They just aren't very well off...so we would have to make sure all the money is there for college, etc.
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Old 06-30-2009, 10:49 AM   #19
 
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We did our wills a few years ago and sorted it all out then. My sister and bil will have my boys and we have made financial arrangements so they'll be taken care of that way too. We also had to make interim arrangements with friends here in Australia as my family are in the UK.

My SO has 3 sisters, one is a single parent with 3 daughters (two are adopted and very young so it would be too much for her) one is gay and kids don't really feature in her life and the other I wouldn't let look after my dog. Luckily my SO and I were in total agreement about it.
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Old 06-30-2009, 03:17 PM   #20
 
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I mentioned this to DH last night, and we both agreed my parents would be the best option. Nobody in our family really agrees with our parenting beliefs, except maybe DH's mom (who is old, sick, and I very much dislike and boubt she would put the theories into practice). My sister is too young, DH's brother can't take care of even himself, DH's younger set of sublings also too young and irresponsible. DH's dad and second wife are well off financially, but they are older than my parents. Plus, I think my sister and I are least messed up of all of us, so that's a credit to my parents I guess.

So I guess now we need to put this into writing at some point. I have also been pestering DH to raise his life insurance during the next open benefits period, which was motivated by my friend's 38 year old husband being diagnosed with terminal cancer a few months ago (while she's pregnant with their fifth child). I have no idea what DH would do if I died though, since I don't work anymore and have no life insurance. Yeah, this stuff is pretty morbid to think about.
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