Do/did you know your family was complete?

Thank you for sharing, Wile. I think that's the most I've ever "heard" you say.

It's definitely a difficult decision to make. I think I could be happy with just DD right now, but I'm afraid I will regret having just one later in life. As I've mentioned before, we've talked about adopting an older child which may be the best compromise.

One more question, and then I'll leave you alone, how old is your little one?
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I always wanted 4, as did DH. We were both the oldest in families of 3...but DH was the oldest by along shot (his little brother is 8 years younger).

Originally we wanted them 2 years apart. After having DS and all the issues he had, we knew he needed a little more time with just us.

DS and LO will be around 3 year apart. DH and I will talk about our next child (if and when) when this one is around a year old.
We too want 4 (or more) kids, but at least 3. Finances are important to us as far as necessities, but we'd rather have a large family and a more modest lifestyle. Having me continue to stay home is really important to us. We live in a great school district so we'll definitely do public school (or homeschool, which we're considering as well). We take advantage of free activities like story time at the library and playgroups.
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
That just about sums up the way I feel.
I am done. I started late and never knew if I'd get married or get pregnant. So when I had DD1 at 36, I felt blessed and didn't know if we'd do it again. I got the itch when she turned 15 months because she was such a big girl (tall) and so verbally advanced that she seemed 2.5. I got pregnant easily when she turned 18 months. I am almost 40 - I am soooo done.

Another thing - I hated HATED being pregnant. I was especially miserable with DD2 (aches and pains were horrid). I didn't lose weight well after #2 - I am working on getting my body back.

Finally - it's expensive as H311 to live in this area. We are highly educated, make good money and there is no way I could stay home. Child care expenses are off the chain. Schools are not great and we're looking at really high tuition if they go private. We live frugally too. I just can't see having another child if we stay where we live.

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This is such a great question and one I have been battling since DD was born. I have always wanted 3....DH only wanted 2. Now that we have one of each...he is very content. I on the other hand am still having days where I don't feel like our family is complete. There is one thing I do know, I don't want another child unless I can be a stay at home mom. As a working mother I feel like I have missed out on some of my children's milestones and it has taken a piece of my heart with each child. I know that this is partly mother's guilt but I don't think I can go through with having to put another baby in daycare. Since I don't see us getting out of debt too soon I don't see another child in my future which makes me sad and angry at myself for putting myself in this situation of debt.

I will post more later...this subject is just to close to home right now.
WileE, I don't think I've ever seen you say so much!

It's so interesting to hear what everyone has to say, and all the different reasonings people have for the family size they have. What strikes me most is that everyone here has made their decision with what they think is best for their family, and there are so many complex pieces that go into each decision.

Keep the answers coming!
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











My last pregnancy and delivery were so awful I was immediately sure I never wanted to go through it again!

But the primary reason is that I don't believe I would be able to devote enough time and energy to more than two children.

I'm an only child so two children seems like plenty from where I sit. But I wanted my first one to have a companion while growing up and immediate family after their father and I am gone.

For years I suspected I wouldn't be able to have children so I just feel blessed it all worked out.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

After my husband died I decided I was done. I didn't want my kids to feel like any new siblings that might come along have a real dad and they don't. When SO and I first started he knew this and didn't want any either. He had lost a child with a previous girlfriend to early labor and didn't want to ever go through that again. About 6 months in to us all living together I saw him become "dad" to my children and it was beautiful. Something in me wanted so badly to give this man a baby even though it was something he didn't want. A few weeks later we were sitting outside talking about my kids and he grabbed my hand and said "I want to have babies with you and only you". So now I'm not done Yes I'm starting all over as my kids are in school already but I'm OK with that. I want 2 more. My kids are so amazingly close and connected and I would want that companionship for the next baby. I am sort of an only child and always felt lonely without a sibling. SO is the oldest of 4 and having his sis so close in age helped him know he always had a confidant.
High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

Nice story, Jess the Mess!
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I'm done. Even as a kid, I never wanted more than two. but I'm done with the one. And it's purely selfish reasons.

-Money. I don't have a steady job, so only hubby is bringing in the money. (He's a teacher) I am still able to stay home with Isaiah. We can also have little extras every now and then. I don't think we could with another child.

-My career: There comes a point in pregnancy where I most likely can't work as an actress. Like 5-6 months into it.

-Appearance: what if my body doesn't bounce back. This is a problem for me personally as well as professionally.

Desire: I just don't want to go through it all again. Yes, there are times when I see little babies and think "awwww" But then I think of everything......


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i wanted four and i got four. 3 girls and a boy. I had to have a hysterectomy or else im sure we would have had another one. But at 39 with my oldest being 20 and my youngest 8, i can see NO.WAY.IN.HELL..........my having an infant
When I was pg with our youngest we thought we were done, not because of finances (which might have been smart) or because we were living with my parents. We thought we were done because we’d agreed when we got married on how many kids we’d have: 3 close together or 4 somewhat spaced out. Our youngest was #3 close together.
I’d had two miscarriages, one of which was my son’s twin, and I just couldn’t face another miscarriage, which meant no more pregnancies. When my husband had the v done, we both wanted to tell the other to wait, but communication wasn’t happening at the time, so he went through with it. Even after having our youngest neither of us feel done. We want more kids. Finances or the size of our house don’t figure in this desire. There's a hole, something is very missing from our family. We are too old for a reversal, and I still don’t ever want to be pregnant (though I’d be quite happy if I was), so we pin our hopes on adoption. How many more depends on how many will be sent our way. I used to want 5 kids, so adopt 2 more, but I keep looking at sibling groups of 3 and 4 kids. I think 3 more would be ideal, but am not opposed to 4 more. Yeah, that’s 7 kids. Now, technically, we have 4 kids between us, but my husband’s oldest daughter wasn’t in our life until the last 6 months, and she just turned 18. I want to raise our kids and we weren’t allowed to be involved in the raising of his daughter.
For education, we home school. We live literally down the road from the community college. Our son’s soccer coach is one of the assistant deans and told us there are full-ride scholarships, including books and transportation, for girls going into a typically male-dominated course of study. We will do what we can to help our kids further their education, but they’ll all have to start at the community college level. They can CLEP tests to earn credit which will save money, too. If we adopt through the foster system, there are scholarships available to former foster children.
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Last edited by Cynaminbear; 07-27-2009 at 01:27 PM.
DH and I are going through fertility treatments again to try for baby #2. We love our daughter, and if she were the only child we ever had, we'd be thrilled, but I don't think our family is quite done yet.
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