Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Pregnancy & Parenting

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-02-2010, 05:16 PM   #1
 
deedles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,980
Send a message via Yahoo to deedles
Default TANTRUMS

OMG! is anyone else going thru this right now! The joys of having a young child!

Liam had a massive meltdown in the middle of the supermarket this afternoon (jumping, stomping.. the whole shebang) I thought his head was going to explode..

I proceeded to take him out of the store and made him sit outside of the store until he calmed down


Care to share any tantrum stories??


D
__________________
Liam: 6 years old
Colin: 3 years old
Location: Williamsburg, Virginia
Member Since: August 2000
deedles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 06:18 PM   #2
Speckla
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

My son threw himself down on the floor in the middle of Walmart and screamed and cried and carried on because I said, 'no'. I didn't bat an eye, I turned around (watched from the corner of my eye) and walked away...two seconds later I heard, "Wait, momma, wait. Don't leave me." Tantrum was forgotten at the thought of getting left. He was about four at the time. I either tried to ignore and walk away or distract his attention elsewhere. It usually worked but sometimes it didn't. We left a few stores ratherly quickly and sat in the car is silence on the way home and then time out chair.

Meltdowns are sometimes just their way of expressing their total frustrations when they can't form the words to. And sometimes it's for attention or trying to get their own ways.

Kids. Love 'em.

Last edited by Speckla; 03-02-2010 at 06:21 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 06:42 PM   #3
 
RedCatWaves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 31,616
Default

I suggest grocery shopping at night...ALONE! I still shop for food alone. It's often the only peace I can get.

Tantrums happen. The just do. At home, I would step over the kid and leave the room, ignoring the behavior. In stores, I would take the offensive child home immediately (or as soon as I could get my stuff paid for). I became an expert at getting an arching kid in a carseat. Trying to talk a tantruming toddler down is a waste of time, I think. If you're consistent at ignoring, the tantrums really do taper off by age 3 or so. Get to learn your own kids' tantrum triggers and avoid situations that will set them off. Most of all, keep your sense of humor. They really are funny as hell at that age.
RedCatWaves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 06:48 PM   #4
 
RedCatWaves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 31,616
Default

I'm not a fan of pretending to leave a tantruming child behind. I've seen some real near-disasters (kid almost hit by a car when she panicked and darted under a car when her mom pretended to leave her behind), and I don't think it's all that healthy to add fear-of-abandonment to their little developing psyches.
RedCatWaves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2010, 06:13 AM   #5
 
PixieCurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 9,954
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves View Post
I'm not a fan of pretending to leave a tantruming child behind. I've seen some real near-disasters (kid almost hit by a car when she panicked and darted under a car when her mom pretended to leave her behind), and I don't think it's all that healthy to add fear-of-abandonment to their little developing psyches.
I agree with this.

When Solomon throws tantrums in public, I try to just remove him from the situation as quickly as possible. We've been known to scoop him up and carry him out of Story Time or My Gym kicking and screaming (not that it happens all the time, but still). I also, as RCW said, try to avoid situations that I suspect could trigger a tantrum. Finally, when possible, I try to figure out why he's upset and talk to him about it. I don't know how effective it is, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something. Like this week at Wegmans it was really busy and he had been so patient the whole shopping trip, then started to melt down a little while we were waiting in line. I just said calmly "I know you want to get out of here, you've been so patient. It's almost our turn." I also bribe him when we're shopping. I always get a free cookie for him at the bakery (after a few slices of cheese from the deli, so something healthy first) and sometimes give him a tootsie roll to tide him over until we're done.

ETA: Solomon's obviously younger than Liam, and Speckla and RCW's kids, so I may not know best, but I try not to punish tantrums. I know he's acting that way because he's upset and doesn't know how else to express himself. Again, I remove him from the situation if necessary, but I try not to think of it as him being "bad". I try to say to him "Tell me what you want" if there's not an obvious cause for the tantrum, in which case I'll say something like "I know you want the whole bag of raisins, but you're going to dump it on the floor and make a mess so you can just take a handful" or whatever.
__________________
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy

Last edited by PixieCurl; 03-03-2010 at 06:17 AM.
PixieCurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2010, 07:01 AM   #6
 
nynaeve77's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 4,240
Default

Danae's only had one public meltdown. We were at Target and she didn't want to ride in the cart. I just scooped her little butt up and took her home. When I was putting her in the car, she was screaming, "You don't even understand me!" It took all my willpower not to laugh right then. If she has one at home, I just send her to her room and tell her that she can come out when she's done.
__________________
"Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas
-----------------------------------------------
My fotki: http://public.fotki.com/nynaeve77/
Password: orphanannie
nynaeve77 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2010, 05:54 PM   #7
 
subbrock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 9,312
Send a message via AIM to subbrock
Default

majerle has just started throwing massive tantrums. jumping up and down, throwing herself on the floor, arms and legs flailing...ugh. i hate it.
subbrock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2010, 08:11 PM   #8
Speckla
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

That meltdown in Walmart was luckily the only time he's thrown himself on the floor in a store. I wasn't pretending to leave him to make him feel deserted or anything like that - I was outright ignoring him to show him he couldn't get his way by throwing a tantrum. I'm not sure how damaging it can be to a kid but so far he's pretty stable emotionally and mentally. I guess you learn with each child what works and what doesn't. He hated to be ignored and pretending not to see it made the tantrum shortlived. No audience takes the power away. But sometimes kids are just going to short circuit and there's nothing you can really do. Just get them out of the situation the best you can whether it be taking them home, putting them down for a nap, or letting them get the emotion out.

Last edited by Speckla; 03-03-2010 at 08:18 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2010, 08:18 PM   #9
 
iroc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,371
Default

My first child was the queen of tantrums. There was like a 2 month period where I couldn't leave the house at all. I'd step into any store and she'd hit the floor in a tantrum, and I'd have to pick her screaming, thrashing self up off the floor and back into the car. I was having serious depression issues over it.

It ended up being part of what drew me to lean toward her being on the spectrum. I repeatedly brought up her inability to calm down during tantrums to her Dr, with no helpful information. She would scream for up to an hour. I would bring her upstairs and leave her screaming in her room. Then she would throw herself against the walls, the doors. It was one of the hardest times of my life. Hubby was working constantly, I was doing it completely by myself, and pregnant.

But I digress......

Usually it's because they wanted to do something themselves, and we took over as the adult and did it for them. At that age they are all 'me do'. Sometimes WE DO without giving them a chance to even say they wanted to do it themselves. And that ends up in an non communicative screaming tantrum.

Usually if you can't get them to calm down, the only thing you can do is walk away. Don't force them to do anything b/c that will just make them scream more. Eventually they will realize they can not do it on their own, and come to you for help.

The worst is when you're out. But that's why having children is so humbling!! Really, the errand can get done later. Leave, go home, put screaming child somewhere and ignore them, and eventually they'll calm down and come to you when they have.
__________________
iroc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2010, 05:17 AM   #10
 
PixieCurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 9,954
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iroc View Post
The worst is when you're out. But that's why having children is so humbling!!
Yup! And we all thought we knew everything before having kids, right? My favorite is the sympathetic look you get from other parents (especially older women) when rushing a screaming kid out of a store.
__________________
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
PixieCurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2010, 07:44 AM   #11
 
fuzzbucket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,507
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PixieCurl View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by iroc View Post
The worst is when you're out. But that's why having children is so humbling!!
Yup! And we all thought we knew everything before having kids, right? My favorite is the sympathetic look you get from other parents (especially older women) when rushing a screaming kid out of a store.
This.

But I have to say that the other day, I felt a bit patronized by one such well meaning older couple. We were out at a bagel shop on a Sunday morning. Harry and Nate were doing fine. Harry is very high spirited and I am careful to make sure he is not disruptive. He was chatty and a bit antsy sitting at the table, so I had him help me clear the table and the trash so he could walk around a bit. As we walked across the room to go back to the table, I heard the wife of this couple say, "He looks like a handful!"



OK, maybe he is, but I was handling him just fine. He wasn't screaming or being intrusive. He was just being himself. And he's 2.5! What 2.5 year old isn't a little antsy?

Sorry for the rant. It just bugged me.
__________________
Hair type: 3A/B
I lurk, therefore, I am.
My Blog
fuzzbucket is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2010, 07:52 AM   #12
 
PixieCurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 9,954
Default

People say that to us about Sol, too. It's one thing to give an "I've been there and I know how it is" look, and it's another thing to make it seem like your kid is unusual or more wild than others (even if he/she is).
__________________
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
PixieCurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2010, 08:19 AM   #13
 
iroc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,371
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PixieCurl View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by iroc View Post
The worst is when you're out. But that's why having children is so humbling!!
Yup! And we all thought we knew everything before having kids, right? My favorite is the sympathetic look you get from other parents (especially older women) when rushing a screaming kid out of a store.

I always appreciate the 'been there done that' grin I get from people who have obviously been in that situation many times. It gives you a feeling of camaraderie, rather than making you feel like a bad parent with a bratty kid.

Then there are those glares from cranky people who have no tolerance for little kids. That one annoys me. Then I feel all self conscious.

Most of the time kids are just being kids. I had to remind my mom constantly that they are not going to sit there perfectly still with their hands in their lap.

Usually with Bella, if she's screaming when we get into a store, I just put her in the cart and she will start to calm down as we're walking. That's why I shop at Wal Mart. No one will notice another screaming child.

A very loud, inappropriate screaming child gets scooped up and brought outside immediately.
__________________
iroc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2010, 09:11 AM   #14
 
inheritedcurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 3,446
Default

I now know why every Target and Walmart has a snack shop. If I want to enjoy my shopping trip to Target...we shop with a bribe of food for awhile..then we get a snack (pretzel, popcorn) so mommy enjoy the rest of Target. We don't however do this at Walmart...usually it's a get in get out thing.
inheritedcurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2010, 10:54 AM   #15
 
sarah42's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,588
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iroc View Post
It ended up being part of what drew me to lean toward her being on the spectrum. I repeatedly brought up her inability to calm down during tantrums to her Dr, with no helpful information. She would scream for up to an hour. I would bring her upstairs and leave her screaming in her room. Then she would throw herself against the walls, the doors. It was one of the hardest times of my life. Hubby was working constantly, I was doing it completely by myself, and pregnant.
Are tantrums part of the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum? I'm just asking because I've looked this up before (from the DSM IV), and I thought I read that it involved symptoms more like lack of non-verbal behaviours such as eye contact or pointing, lack of emotional reciprocity with others, stereotyped behaviour and mannerisms, etc. If intense tantrums are not an "official" diagnostic criterion for autism, are they usually associated with it?

At our house, we put C in time-out for tantrums. He gets sent to his room for 3 minutes, and that gives him time to settle down and compose himself. He also has a special blanket that usually help him calm himself.

We don't go out too often (to restaurants, etc.), but when we do, we try to bring toys, crayons, or whatever to keep his interest and prevent a meltdown. He rides in the shopping cart at the grocery store and it has to be a very efficient trip.
__________________
sarah42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2010, 05:04 PM   #16
 
iroc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,371
Default

Here are some articles that explain it a bit, but yes, tantrums are significant.


http://www.examiner.com/x-4959-Special-Education-Examiner~y2009m7d11-Essential-differences-in-meltdowns-verses-temper-tantrums


http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Temper_Tantrums_and_Autism
__________________
iroc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2010, 08:37 PM   #17
 
LoloDSM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,772
Default

DD will be three in May. We send her to her room until she stops screaming. When she was younger, we had a pack n' play we would put her in for a minute or two until she calmed down.
__________________
Loose botticelli curls and waves
No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
LoloDSM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2010, 10:05 PM   #18
 
FieryCurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 2,423
Default

Lilly just turned 21 months last week and we are in temper tantrum hell. I just ignore her if we are at home, but I have had some things that I had to go this week and I just had to quickly keep doing what I was doing if we were in public. People might have thought badly of me for not leaving the places, but I couldn't until my shopping was done.
__________________


FieryCurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2010, 07:14 AM   #19
 
rainshower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000
Default

we avoided (as much as possible) having our toddlers out between 1 and 3 on the weekends. that was the time they were used to napping. and even if they weren't napping, they were used to being home or in a familiar environment (grandma's house) to lounge at leisure.

it was the culmination of loading and exiting carseats and cars, having to walk or being confined in a stroller, being restricted from natural behavior and curiosity (no touching, inside voice, no climbing, no running, etc.), and being forced to be patient during that time of day that would bring on public tantrums.

so we learned to get out early to do shopping, playgrounds, museums, and to save visits for after nap time when they had restored their energy. this worked wonders for both our kids.

i learned after watching our son have a dramatic meltdown as an infant/young toddler that i was asking too much for him to sit cooperatively for an hour while i did major grocery shopping. and having a little toy or crackers for him to engage in was not enough. sitting that long in the restricted space of a cart must have been torture. i can't remember if i abandoned the cart or if i left the store with only a quarter of the food that i intended to buy. regardless, after that day, i did major shopping/errand-running alone and left him at home with daddy during ... "the witching hour."
__________________
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
rainshower is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:11 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com