Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut

I have been CG for three years now and have received nothing but terrible haircuts that leave me looking like a boy and a pouf ball and really bad coloring. I've gotten home broke and in tears too many times so I decided that I would never get my haircut again or colored because noone ever knows what they are doing even though they tell me they do. Also whenever they get to do my hair all they always do is complain about how much hair I have. I always have to walk around looking really ugly in awkward hair phases because of bad haircuts and I always have to go back home and dye my hair to it's natural color again. I am going to be starting my first real career job next week. I was trying on suits today in front of the other sales women and my hair didn't seem to go with the suit at all. I don't look like a doctor I look like a lions mane. My hair is covering up my small face and frame. I've let it grow and it's all sorts of browns. I felt embarrased today. I don't want to have anymore awkward transition phases with my hair or look or confidence for that matter. I scheduled a hair appointment with a recommended salon and backed out of it. I am soo scared that I will regret trusting another person with my hair and money again! Should I just leave my hair the way it is or what? Is it possible that curly hair just doesn't suit me even though I was born with it. I have had layers short cuts medium cuts and nothing ever looks right. It's always big looking and if its long it looks like a lions mane and if it's short it looks like a boy. Layers were horrible on me. I'm not sure what to do at this point in my life. HELP!!
I was considering just puttin my hair up but I have to diffuse it first because I can't go to work with wet hair and then when I put it up it looks soo frizzy that it makes me look like I have bed head and everybody thinks I look tired when my hair looks dry and frizzy.
you do have to start with a good cut. where do you live? have you tried any of the stylists for your area recommended here? (salon finder)

what is your routine? what products do you use and how do you use them?
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3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity
washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
leave in:cj conditioners and treatments as leave in
styling: cj pattern pusha, cj honey butta leave in, cj cccc, cj ciab, lalsg. cj aloe fix gel is my high dews/summer HG!!
sealants - spiral solutions emollience butter, jane carter nourish & shine
I recently moved out of FL and into MA. I did schedule the hair appointment with one of the recommended salons in MA from the salon finder here on naturally curly but then I backed out because I've had soo many bad experiences and like I said I don't want another awkward hair transitioning phase with my new career. I use Deva Curl products from the no-poo, conditioner (I leave it in), and the Angel, and the ddeva curl deep conditioner 2x a week.
My hair looks black when it's wet but I cowash and gel it everyday and then I diffuse it so it won't be dripping and once it dries it looks more brown than black. I haven't had a good curly hair cut yet. Also my hair color never comes out good, either they make it soo dark that I have to put more makeup than usual to balance it out or they try to lighten it and it looks different shades of orange. I have gotten thin caramel highlights but people told me they look more red and they weren't too noticeable on my curls. So then I got thicker caramel highlights and those weren't noticeable until my hair was dry. Since I no longer trust anyone with my hair I haven't had any cuts or color done to it in a long time. Now it's grown to below my scapulas when it is curly and it definitely looks healthy and better than all the past colors and curly haircuts but this is not to say that it looks good. Like I said I tried on that suit and my head looks out of place with the suit. It looks like a big lions mane taking over my face and frame. I don't know if I should just keep growing it more or just start straightening it which my mother made me do all my life and I hated it because it always took forever and if it rains or I sweat or it's humid all the time spent goes to waste because my hair looks like a frizzy dry electricuted mess. I do workout everymorning too. Also spring in MA is like rain everyday. I wish there could be a way to be curly and look good as a women in a suit and not like some beggar with big hair. Some girl told me I should wear dreads which made me feel even worse about my lions mane right now.
Oh and my hair is 3b and very thick, coarse and porous.
i understand the fear, just about all curlies have had multiple bad haircuts.
i'd pm a few people who gave reviews on that salon and ask more questions. there are two that are talked about on curltalk. be very clear what you want when you go. there is a thread by a stylist, struttswife, that details what you should ask/say when you go for a haircut. do a search. it might even be a sticky in the salon section of curltalk.
there is also the newbies forum that has lots of info.

as far as products -- many of us here started with deva. i loved their products until they changed all the formulas two years ago. my hair HATES it. most of us now find deva products very drying.
two recommendations -- curl junkie line. go to the website. and, you can email the owner, marsha, at info@curljunkie.com and ask for her recommendations.
the other recommendations is to send in hair samples for an analyis and product recommendations. the website for that is livecurlylivefree.com. you need the premium package for product recs.

another thought --i, and many of us, were told by stylists for years that we had coarse hair. most curlies actually have fine hair. mine is fine/normal.

good luck and let us know how things turn out!
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3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity
washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
leave in:cj conditioners and treatments as leave in
styling: cj pattern pusha, cj honey butta leave in, cj cccc, cj ciab, lalsg. cj aloe fix gel is my high dews/summer HG!!
sealants - spiral solutions emollience butter, jane carter nourish & shine

Last edited by rbb; 03-27-2011 at 02:20 PM.
If your hair has a noticeable amount of jump or spring, or you have a history of hairdressers having to continuously "just even this up" from side to side, or cutting off more than you requested or they intended, you will do much better with a Deva cut than you've had with traditional, wet haircuts.

If any of the well recommended stylists near you in nc's SalonFinder is a Deva stylist, I really think -- if the above is true for you -- that you should go with that choice.

If you need more reassurance that this could be right for you, I think it would help for you to schedule a consultation with the stylist. Deva stylists are trained to consult with clients prior to beginning any cut. They should understand the trauma that we curly girls have suffered at the hands of hairdressers who don't understand the needs of curly hair. If you're reassured, but still skittish, make an appointment to have your hair styled by her/him first.

In the meantime, if you don't already have a copy of Curly Girl, I strongly recommend it. Using the CG approach to hair should help you. There's a lot of valuable information in it about what to look for in a hair stylist, how to solve specific problems, styling curly hair, how curly hair should be cut, how you can cut your own hair (or at least trim it), etc.

Another good book is Strictly Curls, which was invaluable to me in learning some simple tricks for styling my hair, and has step by step instructions for specific long hair up dos.
Peace,
Morgan

Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
CGing since July 2008

Last edited by Morgan_Adcock; 03-26-2011 at 04:58 PM.
Well, the previous posters know much more than I do, but I agree with them. I too have had the experience--my whole life--of haircutters having no idea how to do my hair. I just don't understand how so few of them know how to handle a common type of hair! (Although the cynical part of me thinks a lot of it is that a good curly cut is very time consuming & they don't want to bother--they just want to move clients through.) I've often heard the "Oh, you have SO MUCH hair!" thing too & till recently thought I had tons of coarse hair--now I know my hair is actually fine, & now that it's curling better (& not just a massive blob) I realize I don't even have that much of it!

I would follow the suggestion of PMing people who have been to the recommended salon & also be very clear before you go in that you're going to get a dry cut, the right products, etc. I used the salon finder here to get my first dry cut, & it was such a step up from my past haircuts...although in all honesty I did have some issues so probably will try somewhere else.

I second the recommendation to get the hair analysis, which helped me a lot (both in figuring out my hair type & in finding products). I also really like the new Curly Girl book, but found the Live Curly, Live Free ebook more helpful. (That one talks about protein, which it turns out I need--Curly Girl doesn't really go into that). Much of the material in the ebook is available for free on the site, by the way.

I do still feel extremely ovewhelmed by all this--my hair is much better but still not where I want it, & I am just getting sick of trying to deal with all the variables (dewpoint, ingredients, methods....). But little by little my hair is shifting from something that I am embarrassed about to something I am starting to actually like! I think finding the right cutter is key--still working on that one.

Hope this helps a little--I I understand how you feel!
I didn't mean to leave out a recommendation to get Tiffany Anderson's ebook, Live Curly, Live Free. It's an excellent book! I do think that it helps to have started with Curly Girl. Having a grasp of the basics first, not to mention all the illustrations, and videos can make it easier to get started.
Peace,
Morgan

Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
CGing since July 2008
I didn't mean to leave out a recommendation to get Tiffany Anderson's ebook, Live Curly, Live Free. It's an excellent book! I do think that it helps to have started with Curly Girl. Having a grasp of the basics first, not to mention all the illustrations, and videos can make it easier to get started.
Originally Posted by Morgan_Adcock
Yes--I think that's a great suggestion, to start with Curly Girl, even though in the end I prefer Live Curly Live Free. The pictures are very helpful (the DVD too). I think if I hadn't had Curly Girl behind me, LC Live Free would have been less helpful. I haven't seen the other book Morgan mentioned, but will seek it out.
My advice: Post front, side, back pics of your hair as it is now. Post pics of your hair if you were ever happy with it for cmoparison.

Now, do google searches in IMAGES for "curly hair" maybe add long or medium or coarse or some other pertinent modifier and "hairstyles". See what comes up. Is anyone out there showing ATTRACTIVELY STYLED and cut hair that is in texture and curl type LIKE YOURS? Save those pics and post them so people get an idea of what you WANT.

Now, print out those pics and save them in a folder for when you go to a salon (whever you do).

Remember...the pics you choose must have peole with your hair DENSITY and CURL TYPE and ideally other characteristics you have/want (color, layering, etc).

If you don't post pics, how are people to know if they can advise something? Someone with hair like yours may chime in if they SEE the hair is like yours.

Also, don't go darker. Tell them to give you the brown you already have, but richened maybe with some suitable color for your skin tone (a mahogany or warm tone or a cooler tone/ashier depending). You can have a nicer brown that's not DARKER or striped or too red or blond. Just within the overall color or gloss.

The thing is that no matter your texture or type of curl, it can look nice and professional. I would recommend either longer hair (enough to bun nicely) or shorter bob hair (so it's not a nuisance) if you're going to be working long hours and need to look neat/professional. Middle hair may be harder to deal with.

Longer hair can be more flexible (sexy for dates/events when loose, more pro when half-do or up-do is done, out of the way with full nape buns).

But yeah...pics. Every curly head is different. descriptions don't cut it.
3a3b dry, dyed --newly "banged"
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Okay so I emailed that lady Marsha from curl junkie and she wants to know a phone number to reach me at after I sent her pics...Is that just to make a sale or is that odd?? I just want to make sure. I have also posted two of my most recent hair photos for any advice.
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Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-palmer-graduation-046.jpg   Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-palmer-graduation-032.jpg  
Okay so I emailed that lady Marsha from curl junkie and she wants to know a phone number to reach me at after I sent her pics...Is that just to make a sale or is that odd?? I just want to make sure. I have also posted two of my most recent hair photos for any advice.
Originally Posted by risos
marsha is unlike the typical customer service person. she owns curl junkie and has invaluable knowledge. i, and many others here, have spoken to her on the phone. she probably has more questions, has more info to tell you, and it's easier on the phone. you can only win. marsha NEVER pushes any products!!!
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3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity
washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
leave in:cj conditioners and treatments as leave in
styling: cj pattern pusha, cj honey butta leave in, cj cccc, cj ciab, lalsg. cj aloe fix gel is my high dews/summer HG!!
sealants - spiral solutions emollience butter, jane carter nourish & shine
Here are pics of haircuts I like.
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Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-1139415772brigid_conley_walsh_brannagh_actress_20080710.jpg   Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-bernadette_peters_20080710.jpg   Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-blackhairstyles4.jpg   Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-istock_000008650062xsmall.jpg   Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-phpnwkaxw.jpg  

Here are two more haircuts I like. I am not sure if the last one would suit me without making me look like a boy though.
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Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-fd052a503b50b62f_long_curly_hair.jpg   Afraid to Get My Curly Hair Cut-short-curly-hairstyles.jpg  
I agree with all of the product information that rbb gave you in post #7. My hair hates Deva since the ingredient changes, too. It's very drying and your hair looks really dry. As others said before me, it's hard to know if some curly hair is dry or coarse.

Count yourself lucky if you get a phone call and advice from Marsha. She's one of the most respected folks on all of nc.com. She offers her advice freely. Her products are considered a really "top" line by most of us curlies.

A really good haircut is the foundation for great hair. You need to find a stylist who you can trust, so going someplace with a lot of really good reviews is a wonderful place to start. I've been lucky. I have a great stylist who started out as a friend and then became my stylist. My experience is very different then most around here. I've gone to him for about 30 years, get a wet cut that takes him about ten minutes--walk out the door with wet hair that's been combed out while he's cutting (so it's straighter and frizzy), so it doesn't look good until I wet and style when I get home. At this point, I'm retired, so don't see "new" people a lot. When I'm out in "public," it's a rare day that I'm not asked about my hair.
3a (Corkicelli), highlighted, fine, low porosity
modified CG, since April '07
CG since 3/11/08

SE PA

HGs: Anything Sevi; Curly Kinks Satin Roots, Curlycue ReNew and Coil Jam; homemade FSG and okra gel; soap bars; UFD Curly Magic (now Hello Curly Curl Stimulater); Botanical Spirits Jellies, CJ Repair Me, Aloe Fix and CCCC
I think you will be very happy with a Deva cut from the right stylist. The suggestion you contact the persons who recommended the salon for more info is a good one. My hair has a tighter curl pattern -- I'm a 4a -- and I get the Deva cut. I'm not all that fond of the Deva products except for Set it Free and Angel.

I go to Cala Renee in Beverly; she's also quite good with color and highlights, and looks like a walking ad for her skills. She uses organic All-Nutrient color. I was there for a cut on Saturday and her stylist Erin was cutting a little girl's hair that was somewhat similar to yours in look, length and curl pattern but with a lot more volume. She did a beautiful job.
My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
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Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.

Last edited by Suburbanbushbabe; 03-27-2011 at 07:41 PM.
Okay so I have spoken with Marsha and she recommends that I get a haircut brastrap length with layers. I am currently residing in Boston, MA can anyone recommend a good curly hair stylist?? I'm looking to get my haircut properly for my new career.
Oooo also I would like to have my haircolor fixed, can anyone also recommend a good hair colorist in Boston, MA?? It would be greatly appreciated I'm tired of leaving the salon with haircolors that don't suit me and are always uneven.

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