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05-09-2009, 11:26 PM
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#21
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 618
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I met my husband with a big afro. He tells me that that was part of the reason he was attracted to me. Although I only dated a TINY bit before meeting my husband my hair was never the subject of discussion with men. They were more interested in my world view, my insane fixation with son lyrics and my grandeois plans to save all African people.
Wearing my hair in it's natural state is non negotiable. I will not straighten it for ANY ONE not even my sexy husband. The only time I'm rockin a striaght do is when I want to. It does help the he hates the smell of pressed hair and when people do it to just ascribe to white standards of beauty.
When my twist out rocks, he tells me my hair is sexy.
When I am in a rush and make chunky twists, he tells me to take my time and make them small.
He encourages me to put my hair in protective styles for growth and if I come to bed without my granny bonnet he reminds me to put it on.
He also says that he wants our daughter to have hair just like mine.
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05-09-2009, 11:32 PM
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#22
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 430
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__________________
PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL IT WILL BE ABOUT NATURAL HAIR CARE / STYLES / TUTORIALS AND COSMETICS I WOULD LOVE FEEDBACK AND SUPPORT
http://www.youtube.com/user/simplycliche
"Shrinkage is only your hair trying to get closer to you...embrace it."
O, medium/course, spongy, mass of beautiful curly hair
pswd rawks
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05-09-2009, 11:38 PM
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#23
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 15
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I have not gotten any negative comments about my hair from black men. If I have gotten any negative comments it has come from other black women. Black men and women suffer with issues of self hate. Oh and this black men are running off to date all these women of other races is all an illusion.
I belong to a message board that is made up of mostly black men and I asked them what were their feelings about women with natural hair and the majority of them was all for it. The problem that I kept running into with them is that they are not aware of all the different ways natural hair can look . Just like women, I know that before I went natural I had no idea that black women had for the most part naturally curly hair. So can you really blame them if some of them are a little apprehensive about it?
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05-10-2009, 12:41 AM
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#24
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 26
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I agree with everything you said here, but the bolded part (my emphasis) really struck me. I do think black men are more open to dating women of other races than black women are, but I think most of them are very happy with us  I just get so tired of all the negativity!
Anyway, what's this discussion board you're on? Would love to join it... |
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05-10-2009, 12:56 AM
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#25
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 155
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My boyfriend is Taiwanese and he told me the exact same thing and started me/supported me into transitioning. He's such a sweetheart, without him I'd still have a relaxer. And I have been noticing the trend of Asian guys and black girls and that makes me very happy  Though I haven't met another couple in real life.
In terms of black guys, most of the guys in my life have no problems with my hair, though they will be less likely to give me compliments than other races. The guy that's had a crush on me forever says he really likes me with my new hair, so I really don't think (at least due to my experiences) that most black guys are as bad about natural hair as you think especially once they get over the mental baggage about hair. I don't think most black guys are much worse than most black women in that regard. (How many black women have scorned you for your hair as well?)
ETA: My dad was also very supportive of my transition/BC and even dug up old pics of his 70s fro recently and mailed them to me for support! : D
__________________
Hey everyone!~ I've BCed! Yay! (13 month transition)
Last Perm: March 23, 2008
BC: April 24, 2009
Goals: To learn how to style my hair and continue to grow it healthy and happy!
Hair type:  4b near the temples, 3c in the back/nape and 4a everywhere! Mostly coily-curly with medium-fine strands and medium thickness.
Last edited by Karua12 : 05-10-2009 at 12:59 AM.
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05-10-2009, 03:02 AM
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#26
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 228
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I would love to date a black guy who appreciates my natural hair. Fredie's boyfriend from A Different World would be my dream man, we could politcal revolutionary babies together  . But honestly I will not wait around for that guy to come. I've read so many statistics stating black women are the least married group in the US. Although there are several social; political; and economical reasons for this, I feel the main reason is that black women are waiting for black men to step up and appreciate them. I say eff that noise! Society with its white patriarchial norms and values has taught women of color to be passive about their romantic/sex lives (and all other aspects of their lives for that matter). Whether your natural, loc'd, or weaved up; being proactive and having sense of self worth WILL allow you to find someone out there is going to value you.
/ end rant
However if we're going to discuss who is more resistant to natural I'm going to say its women than men. My mom forever has a negative comments about my natural hair, my dad on the other hand, never wanted me to relax my hair in the first place. |
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05-10-2009, 03:07 AM
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#27
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 115
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I'm in a relationship, but I've never experienced any negativity from black men towards my natural hair. I find that men of all races compliment my hair. A lot of women also come up to me on the street and tell me that they like my hair and ask me for hair advice (black & white women alike).
I live in an area where the norm is weaves and/or relaxed heads. But I've actually found that I get lots of attention with my curly hair. I travel quite a bit, and no matter what city I'm in- New York, ATL, Boston, Detroit, etc...black men seem to really like my natural hair. Latino men tell me they like my hair a lot as well.
I will admit that most men that approach me think that I'm biracial or Latina and state that as the reason why I have what they refer to as "good hair." This used to bother me, but now I just use it as an opportunity to explain different hair textures and the versatility/beauty of natural hair.
I've only flat ironed my hair once since being natural b/c I'm just plain lazy and I found that I got the same level of attention with straight hair that I do w/ curly hair. The only difference was men thought I was wearing a weave, LOL.
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05-10-2009, 03:50 AM
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#28
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 106
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i never get approached by black guys,
ive only had one black guy tell me "girl you can get away with wearin yo hair natural"
i stopped wearing my hair natural in highschool bc i got sick of the scary spice, side show bob comments.
now that im older most of the compliments i get about my hair come from mostly white guys wich is kinda ironic.
my white friends' comments actually encouraged me to go natural,
all i hear from black people is girl you need a relaxer.
one of the reasons i love this site is bc im finding out that their are actually black and biracial people who embrace our hair as it is.
__________________
hair type: 3c
my hair is puffy, curly kinky, wavy, straight all at once
Products: garnier frutis sleek and shine leave in coditioner, coconut oil, shea butter, IC styling gel, aloe vera gel,Tresemme straightening gel, IC heat protetor serum.
favorite styles:wash and goes, twist/knot outs, sleek and straight,and curlie fros bc they make me look taller
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05-10-2009, 05:20 AM
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#29
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 102
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No one hardly ever say anything about my hair for the most part not blacks, whites, asians, latinos, and etc. 
During the first year or so I did get some negative comments which were all from blacks (children, teens girls, and "grown" men)
My ex/now friend likes my hair he's black btw.
Of course I get occasional stares I can easily see their eyes moving towards my hair. |
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05-10-2009, 08:15 AM
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#30
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 447
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Preach it! I'm so tired of people complaining that there are no black men, who ever said you NEED a black man! There are so many attractive people of every race why limit yourself!
I've noticed the "young" boys (the 50 cent, Jay-z, saggy pants and bling) pay less attention to me. But I'm ok with that! I didn't want a mini rapper ANYWAYS  |
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05-10-2009, 09:19 AM
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#31
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 26
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So many sweet stories here! You know, I think I got the worse comments when I was trying to transition. And when I think about it, they weren't really mean comments. I got of "Girl, it's time for a touch up." But that's exactly what I would have told myself if I hadn't been trying to grow my hair out.
Also, I do get way more negative comments from women. I don't get silly comments in the street like some of you, the comments mostly come from my mother and aunties. My mother is constantly badgering me to straighten my hair, and every time I see my closest auntie she's always trying to drag me to the salon for a press n curl. My uncle hasn't said anything about it, good or bad.
When I did my first set of twists, I got 5 compliments in about 1 hour. (I was walking down Hollywood Blvd in LA) 4 were from black men and 1 was from a black woman. I was so apprehensive about wearing my hair like that outside of the house, so that really made my day.
Anyway, I think a lot of times us natural girls are overly conscious about our hair, and I think that shows. We wait for someone to say something, and when people stare we think it's a negative (Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Who cares!) Then if no one says a thing, we think it's negative as well... I agree with all those who have said confidence is key. When you're confident about how you look, no one can tell you nothin'! I really value my mother's opinion, so all her negative comments about my hair could really hurt if I wasn't madly in love with my hair. LOL
BTW: I'm still waiting for some more positive stories, LOL
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05-10-2009, 09:59 AM
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#32
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 430
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You're right...
Here's one...
For the winter I had been wearing my hair flat ironed because my schedule was very hectic with school, work and extra curricular activities... And so much other crap... The guy I was seeing had no clue I was natural... And when the weather got warmer and I could do Wash & Go's again... I realized that he never saw me with natural hair.... So he called me and wanted to hang out... and I told him to come over... And I'm in the house with PJ pants and a tank... rockin my fro and a flower... He looked at me and said... I never seen you look so beautiful... Kissed my forehead and gave me a huge hug...
Men like that... who appreciate you for who you are... can make your day... I hear all the horror stories about black men hating natural hair but there I was... shrinkage and all... and he loved it...
Being in college I have found a lot more men accepting natural hair than when I was in High School and they called me "Scary Spice" No matter how fly my hair looked that week...
__________________
PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL IT WILL BE ABOUT NATURAL HAIR CARE / STYLES / TUTORIALS AND COSMETICS I WOULD LOVE FEEDBACK AND SUPPORT
http://www.youtube.com/user/simplycliche
"Shrinkage is only your hair trying to get closer to you...embrace it."
O, medium/course, spongy, mass of beautiful curly hair
pswd rawks
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05-10-2009, 10:03 AM
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#33
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,135
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Whick black dating site did you join, and how was your experience? Did you find good matches?
The only man who has ever objected to my natural hair was my father back in the day. Everyone else was okay with it.
Last edited by Suburbanbushbabe : 05-10-2009 at 10:05 AM.
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05-10-2009, 10:13 AM
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#34
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 620
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oh god! i love seeing pics of parents when they were young. im always like "you had a life before you became Daddy? que???" my dad had a frohawk. thats what i call it anyway. a nappy mohawk 
__________________
head full of wild crazy kinks and curls  "Make your choice adventurous stranger;
Strike the bell and bide the danger.
Or wonder, til it drives you mad,
What would have followed if you had."
"I've often thought the Bible should have a disclaimer in the front saying 'this is fiction.'" -Ian McKellen
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05-10-2009, 10:17 AM
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#35
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 620
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definitely agree. black men statistically date out at twice the rate that black women do. i say its time to even out the score ladies!! lol i mean if you find someone you like outside your race that is.
have you all seen that movie Something New? its a cheesy film but i love it : )
__________________
head full of wild crazy kinks and curls "Make your choice adventurous stranger;
Strike the bell and bide the danger.
Or wonder, til it drives you mad,
What would have followed if you had."
"I've often thought the Bible should have a disclaimer in the front saying 'this is fiction.'" -Ian McKellen
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05-10-2009, 10:19 AM
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#36
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 620
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girl where are you from? i keep hearing your experiences and black people where you live seem to suck a bit, yeah?
i got the scary spice too! lol that was from a white gay guy though. i love scary spice so its all good 
__________________
head full of wild crazy kinks and curls "Make your choice adventurous stranger;
Strike the bell and bide the danger.
Or wonder, til it drives you mad,
What would have followed if you had."
"I've often thought the Bible should have a disclaimer in the front saying 'this is fiction.'" -Ian McKellen
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05-10-2009, 10:31 AM
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#37
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,569
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I haven't experienced any negative comments from men nor women really. My teen daughter makes remarks sometimes but is always rubbing her hands thru my hair whenever she passes me . I just try to educate her as much as possible. Most people that I know are just super shocked that I cut all of my hair off (locs). The reaction has been OMG you cut off all your hair and/or you look good with short hair !!!
I have been natural for about 6 years or so. I found that when I got locs, more black men tried to talk to/approach me than when I was relaxed.
__________________
BC: cut BSL locs/shaved head 1/09; LOIS (OS); cottony; no -cones 
shampoo: shampoo bars
conditioner: tj nourish, tigi moisture maniac or oatmeal honey, kenra, aohr
leave-in/styler: oyin honey hemp, oyin juice & berries, ecostyler clear (replaced kccc)
moisturize/sealants: raw, unrefined shea butter, tucuma butter, sheamoisture
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05-10-2009, 11:02 AM
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#38
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 126
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This post could go in so many different directions, but this is very interesting. So far, my husband seems to be ok with my transition.
Honestly though, where I live, the black guys really don't seem to check out a woman's face too much anyway. A friend of mine recently cut all of her hair off, and she thought that would stop guys from approaching her. Honestly, most of the time they are too busy staring at her very shapely rear. I've seen some guys check out a girl's backside for a good 15 minutes before they even think about looking at her face, hair or anything else (my brother is no exception, shame on him! Lol).
I would be lying if I said that I didn't think that a lot of black men have a more European standard of beauty, because they do. Whenever I would go to the salon to get that sleek, silky, bone straight look, the men would come out of the wood work. I would cringe whenever I would hear: "Wow, you are so beautiful. Are you mixed?"
Really???? Is that the only way a black woman could be considered beautiful???
Ok, I'm done. Lol.
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05-10-2009, 12:19 PM
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#39
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,926
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I have had nothing but positive words said me to about my hair by strangers and by people I know.
I am a tad sad for all of the women who seem to get negative comments most of the time.
__________________
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
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05-10-2009, 12:21 PM
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#40
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 15
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@ Erijan
I sent you a pm.
I don't want to take this thread into a whole different direction. But if any of you wants to get the real honest truth about black men than I suggest that you listen to Tariq Nasheed podcast macklessonsradio.com. And check out his books. If you decide to check him out keep an open mind, because he can be very curt and he does not pander to any audience.
This was the podcast that he did on black women and hair.
http://ia331414.us.archive.org/3/ite...onsradio33.mp3
Back to the topic. I have a guy friend that I didn't see since I did my big chop. When we finally saw each other again he was like "ohh I never seen you with your fro, its looking good girl" |
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