Building a Cottage for Mom - WWYD?

mrspoppers · 11-07-2009, 02:38 PM

My mom is 81. She's still fairly active and sharp, considering her age and all her past health problems. That said, she is starting to slow down and I worry about her living alone for many more years. She's not quite at the assisted living stage but owning a home is getting to be too much for her. A month or two ago, she started talking about selling her condo and renting a place in downtown Edmonds, a local waterfront town with lots of cute shops and places to walk. She'll probably put her condo on the market in the early spring.

I live in Seattle, about 10 - 15 miles south of Edmonds and about 10 miles from where my mom lives now. Our neighborhood is nice--it's like a small town, with a village, a good mix of people, and safety. We have one of the lowest crime rates in the area. Our house is great in that it's three blocks from the village, two blocks from the grocery store, a block from the library, and two blocks from the church. Yep, we're smack dab in the middle of everything.

Last week, backyard cottages were approved for construction inside the city limits.I was just sort of blabbing away this morning and suggested to my husband that my mom should build a little cottage in our back yard and move down here. Surprisingly enough, he said sure. Then I got to thinking that maybe it isn't such a bad idea.

Would you consider something like this? My mom can be annoying but she's not that bad. I think she'd stay to herself back there and not expect to eat dinner with us every night or anything. My thought was that she could build the cottage then we'd pay for all the upkeep and utilities. Then it would be ours when she dies. I have no idea if my sisters would go for that. We don't have kids, just a dog, so it's not like she'd be questioning our parenting skills or anything. On the other hand, our privacy would be shot.

Thoughts?

RedCatWaves · 11-07-2009, 03:05 PM

I think it's a fabulous idea, as long as you have space on your property to build it. It's wonderful when old folks can stay in their own home throughout their declining years. If you build it with handicapped accessibility in mind, she'll be able to stay til the very end. The main things that lead to nursing home placement are stairs and bathroom inaccessibility. So, just keep things on one level, easy access, wide doorways, zero-entry shower, that sort of thing. Giving MIL's cottage a little kitchen and sitting room, as well as a bedroom and bathroom, will go a long way in keeping your households separate (and private and happy), yet you will still be able to keep an eye on her when/if she needs it.

My SIL and MIL bought a home together for MIL's last years. The other siblings were very relieved that SIL stepped up to do that. When MIL died, SIL got the house, and the rest of the siblings felt she had earned it.

webjockey · 11-07-2009, 04:09 PM

Hubby and I are doing that right now for his mother. We used the Katrina Cottage plans from Lowes and purchased the 576 sq ft plan because it is flexible enough to provide a second bedroom to the plan at a later time. We wanted to do this in case MIL needed a live-in caretaker. The idea is that you can build a small, but beautiful home in little time without huge expense, and you can purchase all of the stuff from one manufacturer (Lowes).

Let me tell you the reality.

1. You don't want to purchase everything at lowes, because some of their stuff (like lumber) is really piss-poor quality.

2. the plans to provide some flexibility. like we are doing ikea cabinets and purchased a walk-in tub that fits well in the space. The air conditioning system is a mini-split. In the attic, we installed a solar attic fan.

3. consider how you want to power the house. We are having all the power pumped from the main house (our house) instead of this house having its own meter and we wired our new house to be prepared for another cottage if we need to build it. As I mentioned, this cottage is for my MIL. But in case my parents need to live with us as well, we want to be prepared.

We should be finished with the house hopefully by end of november, early december (god(s) willing).

Here's where we are now with the house (I bear no responsibility for the color)

WileECoyote - Dissolving Bikini Wearer · 11-07-2009, 04:34 PM

wj...I was wondering how all that was going.
Is that really going to be the color? lol

LoloDSM · 11-07-2009, 05:19 PM

I think it sounds like a great idea, Mrspoppers. I would do it for my in a heartbeat.

Sorry about the color, WJ.

mrspoppers · 11-07-2009, 06:22 PM

Thanks everyone! It's good to know I'm not totally crazy for even considering something like this. I have no idea if my mom would even go for it because I'm sure she's never thought I'd be the kid willing to do this. I need to do a lot more thinking and researching before I even bring this up to her.

WJ, that cottage looks great! That's exactly what I was thinking of. Thanks for the tips. I hear you about Lowe's lumber. Home Depot is even worse. How long did it take you to build? Are you doing it yourself or did you hire people?

big hair 50 · 11-07-2009, 07:15 PM

I love Edmonds,that's where I work!

mrspoppers · 11-07-2009, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by big hair 50

I love Edmonds,that's where I work!

It's such a cute little town and she could walk everywhere. Right now, she has to drive everywhere.

RedCatWaves · 11-07-2009, 07:57 PM

I'd look into pre-fab buildings if I was in your shoes. Cheaper and faster.

VTmom · 11-07-2009, 08:16 PM

I think it's a great idea WJ. I wish I could do it for my mom, but she would never leave her hometown. She was born in a house about 2 miles from where she lives now, which is the same house she has lived in for 52 years. She is 83, looks about 70; she's smart as a whip and sharp as a tack; she gets around good, but has just started to experience some medical issues this last year for the first time in her life.

mrspoppers · 11-07-2009, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VTmom

I think it's a great idea WJ. I wish I could do it for my mom, but she would never leave her hometown. She was born in a house about 2 miles from where she lives now, which is the same house she has lived in for 52 years. She is 83, looks about 70; she's smart as a whip and sharp as a tack; she gets around good, but has just started to experience some medical issues this last year for the first time in her life.

What makes this easier for my mom is that she sold the house I grew up in when she was 64, after she had breast cancer and we had all moved out. She realized she couldn't take care of it anymore. Since she doesn't have much of an emotional tie to her condo, it's not as big of a deal to move again.

webjockey · 11-07-2009, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrspoppers

Thanks everyone! It's good to know I'm not totally crazy for even considering something like this. I have no idea if my mom would even go for it because I'm sure she's never thought I'd be the kid willing to do this. I need to do a lot more thinking and researching before I even bring this up to her.

WJ, that cottage looks great! That's exactly what I was thinking of. Thanks for the tips. I hear you about Lowe's lumber. Home Depot is even worse. How long did it take you to build? Are you doing it yourself or did you hire people?

Our situation is a little different. MIL is handicapped and Hubby has power of attorney and pretty much cares for her full time. She's physically mobile for the most part and can cook/clean and function on her own, but that's where it ends. We get her groceries, take her anywhere she needs to go, take her to the doctor, do her taxes etc. She has no social interactions except us and her children, nor does she want any social interaction beyond us and reluctantly her psycotherapist (believe me, we've tried - her disabilities make it next to impossible). She's completely dependent on us and if anything happens to DH, I'm next in line to take care of her - not his siblings. Basically, she has no choice in the matter - unless she wants to live on the streets (she has no money and is on medicaid).

My parents, on the other hand, have their mental and physical capabilites and I do not have power of attorney. They are quite independent. The agreement right now is that we'll build one for them if they finance it. I think it costs around $35 - $45K to build the way we're doing it w/ green building points, handicap amenities and other upgrades.

It's taking us many months to build it because we're building our homestead at the same time. I think if it was just the one house, we could have it up within 3 months.

Not to be totally morbid, but you can always turn it into a vacation rental home after she passes.

Forgot to mention- my husband is the general contractor and is doing some of the construction himself - like putting in the flooring, insulation and probably some other stuff that I'm not aware of. It's probably the biggest way we're saving money and able to afford the amenity upgrades.

If you can swing it financially, I'd stay away from the cheapo prefab houses and trailer homes. If you look at it as a long term investment with opportunities to rent it out or have it as a vacation home in the future you can charge good rates and create a good profit.

Also, as an alternative to the Katrina cottage model, check out the Austin Alley flat initiative - which was a collaborative effort to address issues folks like you face. http://www.thealleyflatinitiative.org/index.html

CurliLocks · 11-08-2009, 01:29 AM

I think it's a wonderful idea. We share our home with my dad. He's 77 and very active, often travels, so he doesn't impose on our privacy. He has his own kitchenette, bedroom with TV, bathroom. We share the large family room (he's downstairs [finished basement], we're up, mostly).

I like the fact that he'll be safe and comfortable as he gets older and isn't as active, etc. The only problem later might be the stairs, as you enter and either go up or down. We share some meals as we please, he'll offer to cook sometimes too.

medussa · 11-08-2009, 11:27 AM

I think it's a really good idea. If my own mom didn't drive me insane, I would love for her to live with us or very close to us. It sounds like you could both benefit from such an arrangement.

Good luck with your decision!