straightening guilt

I'm not totally cg. I straighten every once and a while (just got it pressed yesterday). I sometimes feel that straight hair is better for certain looks and certain situations. You know what? I don't really feel bad (I fear heat damage a little, but that's it). Here's my point of view. I now (since being natural) see the beauty in all hair types. I no longer feel ugly with my hair in its natural state. And I LOVE my hair and all its versatility. I don't think that u should feel bad because u like straight hair. But I do think that you should allow yourself to accept and love what god gave you. I don't knock girls who only rock straight hair, but I do wish that they could appreciate the beauty in their kinks and curls (at least once and a while). I wear make-up and a push-up bra on a regular, but I still feel just as confident when bare-faced & braless too. That's just my 2 cents.
Originally Posted by MissKinkyCoily
Right On!
4/b with 4/a kinks at the back of my head.

Keep it kinky, curly, wavy- whatever.
Just keep it natural and keep it you, from head to toe ^_^


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This is one of those "does anyone else out there ever feel this way?" posts. This may get long so forgive me... I need to vent. For the first 20 years of my life, I hated my hair with a passion. It was the cause of many tears throughout my teen years, being the lone curly in a family full of stick straight hair. There was no one to teach me how to care for my hair and as a result, I cared for it completely wrong and hated my own reflection for a long, long time. I blame my hair for the reason I spent middle school and part of high school so shy- I felt ugly and freakish and didn't believe I was worthy of male attention. In eighth grade, a friend showed me a flat iron and I was hooked. I destroyed my hair, trying to burn it into submission and only getting fluff, and as a result, decided to give up straightening my junior year of high school. I went curly, cold turkey and slowly began to feel okay that way. I discovered this site my sophomore year of college and went CG shortly after. I have now just finished my senior year of college. I am engaged to an amazing guy and am pretty content and confident with myself....except for one thing.

My hair. While CG definitely got my hair back into healthy shape, I still find myself searching for that product or method that will make me feel beautiful. I so desperately want to love the way I look with my curls, I forbid myself from straightening for 2 years. Recently, I found myself reaching for my Maxiglide after reading about new products to protect my hair from heat. I've also found myself ditching CG, as heat protectants have -cones. My hair has been straight for the last month...and I love it; I feel beautiful. But I feel guilty for loving it; I feel guilty for ditching CG. While I've altered my routine to incorporate knowledge I learned from CG (I stay away from -zanes, use a very moisturizing conditioner, let my hair airdry, and only wash and flat iron 1 time a week, etc.) I still feel guilty for using cones and sulfates at all. A little part of me feels fake- this isn't really what I look like. It goes so much deeper than hair and it's something I think only a fellow curly can understand. The truth is I feel better about myself with straight hair. It's easier- my hair turns out the same everytime I straighten. With my curly hair, I can do it the exact same way each time and never know how it's going to turn out. Why then, do I still have this guilt for not being able to love my curly hair!? Why can't I just be happy with my straightened hair? Does anyone else ever feel this way? Am I just crazy?
Originally Posted by curlybrunette5
I know EXACTLY how you feel! I'm going through the same thing right now. I just started straightening my hair about 2 weeks ago. Everyone who knows me has been complaining about how they miss my curls (I wear it curly probably 2 days out of the week, then straighten it and leave it for the remainder.) I always remind them, you always want what you can't have! Now I can have it all... curls, wavy and straight hair!

However, I feel beautiful with straight hair. As bad as it sounds, I feel like I get more attention from guys with it that way. Whether it's my hair itself or the confidence I feel with my hair straight, it's a definite difference.

I do feel guilty though. I kind of miss the constant "oh your hair is goooorgeous" comments (even though they were mostly from 80 year old women...) and I feel like sort of a sellout. Like you said, there is no telling what my curly hair is going to do and sometimes it really affects my self esteem when it looks subpar.

It's quite a dilemma, but we'll figure it out. I guess you just gotta do what makes you feel best and not worry about what other people want.

<3 Kirsten [KEER-stin]

3b

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Last edited by k33rstyn; 01-01-2009 at 09:19 PM. Reason: pics too big!
Your curly hair is to die for.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: If my curls were pretty like yours or the curly hair of other people I've seen, I wouldn't straighten it. I love curly hair, I think it's much more interesting than straight hair.

That said: My curls are not pretty, they are ugly, and no -- no number of routines or products or books can change that fact. (I ought to know as I have tried them ALL.) Since Christmas I've been wearing it straight about 70 percent of the time (the other 30 percent I just wear it pulled back in a knob) and I'm totally over the guilt for this. I had to stop reading this site for a while, to be honest, but it was a big step in accepting what my hair can and cannot do, and what's possible for me.

Also, I don't spend one-tenth the time obsessing about my hair that I used to, and that can only be a good thing. There are far more important things to think about
Modified CG. You'll pry my 'cones from my cold dead fingers! Mixed waves, coarse, below shoulder length, dark brown. I hate my hair but I'm trying to learn to accept it.

Gels: LA Looks Wet Look Styling Gel, Garnier Fructis Wet Shine Gel. Condish: Alberto V05 Free Me Fresia, Tresemme' Flawless Curls, LVPNG, Neutrogena Triple Moisture. Shampoo: Tresemme' Flawless Curls. Silicone Serum: Whatever is on sale, but I don't leave home without it.
Thanks Pretty! I get that a lot and I always tell people you always want what you can't have! It's very hard to manage and it's anyone's guess if it's going to turn out well on any given day. When it looks good, it looks GOOD, when it looks bad, it's a hot MESS. haha.
<3 Kirsten [KEER-stin]

3b

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Totally agree with all of you. I was GC with nice curls for 2 years - then really one day woke up and decided I was going shorter (my hair is so thick iti took forever to dry) then decided to straighten the front and let the back go curly. I love it. I still don't shampoo, but I do blow dry and flat iron the front - now the back has nice short curls; sometimes I straighten iti all (only during non-humid weather) and I love it. I also love the fact that we can wear it both ways; straighties can't - be happy. don't feel guilty
between Botticelli & Corkscrew curly-very thick, coarse hair
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When I get to be 'Queen of the World', I will absolish WIND!!!
Ok, here's my update. I first have to say I'm overwhelmed with the amount of responses...you guys are so incredibly sweet!

Here's the conclusion I've come to: I straightened for about 3 months straight. While everyday isn't a perfect hair day and I do tend to like it better, for the last couple weeks I've been itching for my curls even now and again. So I go back and forth...which is actually really nice. The main thing I really miss when my hair is straight is the fresh clean gel-y smell of my hair when its curly. When my hair is straight, I just can't wash it as often as when it's curly so when it starts to feel a little greasy but I can't straighten it again (I only allow my self to use the iron once a week), I can just wash and go curly. I'm just really enjoying having options right now and that's what I think we curlies have to remember: it doesn't matter whether you go natural or straighten every day, the beauty of curly hair is the choice and variety of looks we can have. A lot of straighties don't have the choice...I look at my best friend who has the kind of straight hair that no amount of curling irons or hair spray can make it hold a curl for more than an hour and feel lucky I can change my look just by hopping in the shower. So yay for curls!
3a on top and sides/3b underneath...lots of hair

My HG: Sabino Lok & Blok
I don't think you should feel guilty either. I do it sometimes when I know I won't be able to touch up my hair, like when I am travelling. I think you should just do what you are comfortable with. I personally like my hair curly because it feels more like me, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated with my hair and wish it were straight. I've worn it both ways, and I agree, that we have it better because we can wear it both ways!

I have to admit, a flat iron can be addictive (been there), and that's the reason I have restricted myself to only using it once in 6 months.

But whatever works for you, I think it's an individual decision ... Don't feel guilty !!!
3A. Total PJ ! Modified CG (low poo 2-3x a month)
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Biotique Biowalnut/BioKelp, VO5 Condish, Aveda Be Curly/Aloe Vera Gel, Aveda Phomollient (day2 and 3),Water w/ AVG +Rosemary + lavender DT: Macadamia oil w/ Rosemary + lavender EO

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