Trying to get softer hair after using relaxers

lydia ravenswood · 01-04-2011, 04:35 PM

Hi, I've been hovering here for a while, hoping to find help with my hair, but have yet to find any as no one seems to have my hair type. This may be a bit long, so I apoligize now, but it would probably be more helpful if I explain everything from the start so getting to a solution with come faster.

I have been getting a relaxer since I was 9, I'm 25 now. I couldn't afford to get one anymore, so it's been near a year since I have. I had a mother who didn't really know how to take care of my hair. My first stylist who hated that I was mixed/non black (she was black) wouldn't help, and the one after her wanted to charge me a fee to answer any questions. I'm having to learn how to manage it on my own. I don't really know what type of shampoos and conditioners to get. I'm sorta learning through experience. So far the only thing that has worked or one problem was when I'd be taking out gel from my hair I'd have to use a specific conditioner to do it. Other than that, I'm still lost.

I have no clue what hair type I have as none of the types seem to fit me. My hair grows quickly. It's halfway between the middle of my back and my waist. My natural hair is VERY wavy, very close set, but has no curl at all, and I can't even get curls to stay. It frizzes very easily, won't hold any style, and is very coarse and dry. It will also tangle easily, wavy or flat ironed. I have also taken to dying it myself for the last year.

The problem I have is I really wanna find a way to keep my natural waves without it puffing up, and I want to keep it rather flat, kinda the wet look without actually looking wet (hope that makes sense), but I also want it shiny and soft, I don't even want to touch my own hair as it can get soo coarse so fast. Is there a product(s) that can help? Also, buying online isn't possible really possible.

pprMACHEheart · 01-05-2011, 08:38 AM

It sounds like you have a bit of damage from the perm. Your hair may seem a bit wonky since you've never actually cut the chemically altered hair from the hair that hasn't been chemically treated. Also, leave the flat iron alone . . that will only make the situation worse.

You may also want to start with finding a sulfate free shampoo and a silicone free conditioner. There are tons of them listed in the CurlMart store.

But until you are able to cut out the relaxed hair from the hair that isn't altered you probably won't be able to figure out your hair type and then we really won't be able to help recommend products for your hair.

lydia ravenswood · 01-05-2011, 10:38 PM

i checked out the products in the store and everything is over like $10!! i don't have that kinda money, and i can't buy online right now as is. aren't there any products that i can buy in a store?

how would i know where to cut?

pprMACHEheart · 01-05-2011, 11:52 PM

At the line of demarcation (basically when you wash your hair and when it's wet, you can see what's permed (the straight bits) and what's not (which would be everything thats sort of wavy/curly).

lydia ravenswood · 01-06-2011, 01:14 AM

...all my hair is the same when it's wet, there's no difference

pprMACHEheart · 01-06-2011, 12:34 PM

Then I don't know what else to say . . .

Maybe if you posted a picture of what your hair currently looks like then others could chime in.

And also . . the products listed (some of them, anyway) in CurlMart can be gotten on the ground at like a Target, Whole Foods, Trader Joes, health food stores, etc.

lydia ravenswood · 01-11-2011, 01:40 AM

here's a photo of it gelled and moussed:

none of those stores are nearby me sadly

i'm looking for stuff i can find at like a grocery store or rite aid..or something under $6 lol

pprMACHEheart · 01-11-2011, 08:50 AM

Hm, do you use heat ?

lydia ravenswood · 01-12-2011, 02:38 AM

you mean like blow dryers? yes, and flat irons, but been trying to avoid in the past few months

pprMACHEheart · 01-12-2011, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lydia ravenswood

you mean like blow dryers? yes, and flat irons, but been trying to avoid in the past few months

Yes, blow dryers, flat irons, pressing combs, etc are classified as heat.

Well, then that explains why your whole head curls or waves one way. Now that I look at your picture again, you look as though you have heat damage, which means through heat you've altered your curl pattern to the point where it won't curl the same anymore. So you have to treat you hair a lot differently now.

And in your title . . what do you mean by soft hair?

What products do you use? Are they CG? Or if you're not CG . . . are they at least sulfate, mineral oil, and petroleum free?

I know what you'll probably ask next about getting rid of the damage and it would either be by . . . using protein treatments such as Apohgee (you can get it form a Sallys or Beauty Supply store for $2) to see if it helps your hair begin to curl . . or you'll have to cut it gradually to get your hair back to its health.

Most people BC when their hair is severely damaged, but you have to do what's right for you in the long run.

lydia ravenswood · 01-29-2011, 12:16 AM

i don't like how if feels coarse, i want to get it soft feeling, that whole "silky" thing we always hear.

i have no clue what cg is...i see a lot of abbrevations on this forum and have no clue what any of them mean except the before cut now.

i would NEVER cut my hair again. i cut it to just below my shoulders several years ago and i regretted it. i'll never do it again. i don't find short hair attractive on me.

teachermrw · 01-29-2011, 04:50 AM

Hmmm...

When was the last time you had a deep-treatment? I would recommend going to a quality salon for a professional deep treatment. You may also need a cut. Not a severe one, but, as has been said, you most likely have heat damage. If that is not in your budget, applying a mayonnaise treatment, and sitting under a dryer, or even wearing a plastic cap will give you a nice treatment.

It might also help if you posted a picture of your hair in its natural state, i.e. freshly-shampooed, without product. Then we could get a better sense re: your hair.

pprMACHEheart · 01-29-2011, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lydia ravenswood

i don't like how if feels coarse, i want to get it soft feeling, that whole "silky" thing we always hear.

i have no clue what cg is...i see a lot of abbrevations on this forum and have no clue what any of them mean except the before cut now.

i would NEVER cut my hair again. i cut it to just below my shoulders several years ago and i regretted it. i'll never do it again. i don't find short hair attractive on me.

Not all hair is going to be "silky." It just happens that way sometimes.

CG = Curly Girl. The Curly Girl method is washing with a conditioner versus with shampoo, to add moisture to your hair and most cheapie conditioners (ex. V05, Tresemme Naturals, Suave, etc.) have a surfactant that will cleanse the scalp the same as a shampoo. Then you would use a RO (rinse out) which is a thicker conditioner like Tresemme Naturals and wash the length of your hair.

The purpose of this is to remove drying factors form your hair regimen . . like sulfates or silicones which dry out the hair and leave it feeling brittle or hard.

And I know you may not want to cut your hair . . but if the previously mentioned treatments don't help your hair, you'll eventually have to cut it to get it back healthy. Like I said before, it's your choice. Damage = dry looking, damaged hair. Healthy= potentially shiny/ or hair with a sheen to it.