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-   -   My mom hates that I am going natural? (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/transitioning/125070-my-mom-hates-i-am-going-natural.html)

peakingdaw 04-24-2011 08:17 AM

My mom hates that I am going natural?
 
I told my mom that I was going natural 3 months ago when I decided to go natural and she was completely against it from the beginning. She had given me a relaxer since I had been about 7 years old and now i'm 19. She says natural hair looks a nappy mess and that i'm just following the crowd with being natural. She said that natural hair is a fad and I don't need to follow it. In reality I was thinking about going natural at least 6 months before I did start transitioning to natural hair. Then my mom told me that relaxed hair is more versatile than relaxed hair. Do you think relaxed hair is more versatile than natural hair? What should I say to my mom? I show my mom how my hair was growing in and she still said it looked nappy. Where everyone else says it looks curly. What do you think? I''ll leave the link to the pictures here:Image hosting, free photo sharing & video sharing at Photobucket

B-Nessa11 04-24-2011 09:21 AM

Some ppl just dont respond well to change. I dont think its a matter of how your hair is growing in, I think its that being natural is not something she wants you to do cuz its not the norm for her. If your hair grew out super straight or with no curl at all, she shouldn't be concerned. When i did my bc last yr (I was 19) I didn't do a real transition,had ben 3 mo since my last touch up and I just decided to cut it. When my mom saw it she thought I was crazy for cutting it. I had about a inch or so of hair lol. First she said it was nappy, then she said I need a pick, which btw suck an pull hair, then she got over it.

Anyway! Dont let her question your hair and what you do with it or how curly or not it is. Natural hair is equally, if not more versatile than relaxed, plus its usually much healthier than relaxed so you can do more with it. You just wake up an ur hair has more personality.its not just flat and laying there. Don't try to justify it to her, just keep doing ur thing :~)
Sorry its long, I talk alot lol

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pprMACHEheart 04-25-2011 01:03 PM

My mom wasn't the most encouraging either when I first BC'd, she criticized and made snide comments about my hair, but that's when I turned to curltalk to vent and then eventually confronted her about how what she's saying hurts my feelings.

Most women in the generation before us (our mothers) have the idea that straight (permed) is the only way for our hair to look presentable when it's not the case. Just stick with your decision, you'll be grateful in the end.

batgrrly 04-25-2011 01:27 PM

You Go Grrl
 
Yes, don't we just love our mom's negativity? Sad but true. Okay so, are you doing this for you, or your mom? Aren't you tired of doing it for mom? Hate to tell you, it doesn't matter, I am in my late 40's and still hearing it, but it's about what I do coloring my hair that bothers my mom.

Okay, let's have a very big sigh now. You are very young and I am proud of you. I am a teacher, so I am proud of anyone learning anything that is healthier for their bodies and minds.

Here's the appealing to the healthy thing that all moms regardless of country or race will appreciate:
You are trying to stay away from chemicals and things that cause cancer, like lye can be carcinogenic. Wait, don't forget to look that up an have proof.
Frying your hair chemically and with heat damages, burns, and breaks.
Formaldehyde free is great, less cancer risk is great
Okay, if she doesn't believe you, find the data
What, are you using your education to better your health, isn't that what all moms want?

I know, just because you grew up doesn't mean you can take care of yourself.

You keep going, let your hair be. I am still reeling from stripping color and build-up treatment. Now I have to treat hair like a princess. But you have your youthful hair and health. Enjoy!
:coffee2:Janet,
read my rants for sensitive curls and age
sensitivecurl | Just another WordPress.com site

curlsinbloom 04-25-2011 02:44 PM

I don't think relaxed hair is more versatile I think it's more complicated. Having to avoid swimming and the rain. God forbid it rain and be humid at the same time with relaxed hair.

I think that right now you're mom is making those comments because it's new to her but after awhile seeing that you are doing this and how well you take care of your hair you might inspire her.

Let me tell you a story that sound similiar. When I was in high school I remember when boot-cut/bell bottom jeans came back into style and I was school clothes shopping. My mom would not let me buy them because she said that I was getting into the fad. Well, my dad was there too and he told my mom let her do what she wants and so my dad took me into the store and bought them. My mom was so upset that she started crying. There was a couple of times that I seen them on top of the trash. Well, after awhile it grew on my mom and she started buying them and wearing them herself.

The point of the story is is that sometimes it just takes time for people to get used to things. It might be a fad to have natural hair but who knows. But it is a lot healthier and cheaper and more versatile. Continue to read the post and you will find different ways to wear your hair.

ttlolla 04-25-2011 03:00 PM

Hang in there . When I was toying with not relaxing my hair anymore my mum discouraged me saying it will be short.

I tried again in 2008 , I failed she saw short hair and wasn't too pleased

Final time, I transitioned for 6 months and chopped without her knowledge (we live in different countries ) when my was long enough I started sending her pictures ... and now she loves it

Moral of this story is time , and styling options will make her see the beauty of your hair .

Goodluck

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B-Nessa11 04-25-2011 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlsinbloom (Post 1644558)
I don't think relaxed hair is more versatile I think it's more complicated. Having to avoid swimming and the rain. God forbid it rain and be humid at the same time with relaxed hair.

I think that right now you're mom is making those comments because it's new to her but after awhile seeing that you are doing this and how well you take care of your hair you might inspire her.

Let me tell you a story that sound similiar. When I was in high school I remember when boot-cut/bell bottom jeans came back into style and I was school clothes shopping. My mom would not let me buy them because she said that I was getting into the fad. Well, my dad was there too and he told my mom let her do what she wants and so my dad took me into the store and bought them. My mom was so upset that she started crying. There was a couple of times that I seen them on top of the trash. Well, after awhile it grew on my mom and she started buying them and wearing them herself.

The point of the story is is that sometimes it just takes time for people to get used to things. It might be a fad to have natural hair but who knows. But it is a lot healthier and cheaper and more versatile. Continue to read the post and you will find different ways to wear your hair.

I agree with the versatility, I forgot about rain an all that. If I dont have an umbrella or wana go swimming, the last thing I think about is my hair

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virgo138 04-25-2011 07:22 PM

I know JUST what your going through!! I'm 18 & have been transitioning since March 10, my mom tried to make me get a relaxer the beginning of this month & I finally told her I was going natural & never getting a perm AGAIN.

Well I ended up getting cornered in the bathroom with her cursing me out & she wouldn't let me get a SINGLE word in, the only thing I got to say was "remember Good Hair by Chris Rock!"

In the end when she ran out of breath from screaming she said F it & I can just walk around w "nappy" hair.

It's the end of the month now & she's still mad at me, but has said my hair does look nice & it's getting longer.

So just stand up for what YOU want to do to YOUR hair & don't let others try to talk you out of it ;D

tallbeauty21 04-26-2011 12:32 PM

My mom hates that I'm going natural also. When I told her she said the most offensive, obscene, disrespectful, rude things possible. I told her that it's my decision and it isn't hers. It's crazy because I'm the one who begged her to give me a relaxer when I was in the 6th grade. The chemical burns, the color damage and the breakage made me decide to go natural.

hippiedoll 05-17-2011 07:44 AM

My mom is conditioned to think relaxed hair is better than natural. Three of her sisters (my aunts) have natural hair they never relaxed or colored in their life. My mom's hair has suffered during the past couple of years due to relaxing and using metal clips as pony tail holders. She still won't realize how damaging the chemicals are to her hair. When I was doing my first transition this year before I relaxed in April, she was so heated when I said I was going to BC. She begged me every day to get a relaxer. I think my mom's hair texture and mine shouldn't even be relaxed in the first place. My dad actually wishes we go natural because our hair was beautiful in its natural state

EdenRose 05-22-2011 05:41 PM

My mom was the same way when i first told her. Even told me she'd pay for my relaxers (since i now live on my own) and that since i've had relaxers for so long i wouldn't know what i am doing.
But just remember all the reasons you want to go natural and how you feel about.And it's a learning process and maybe as you continue along she'll maybe warm up to it.

Cheylo322 05-22-2011 08:22 PM

haha i just went CG a few weeks ago and my mom HATES IT! she wants my hair to be curly, but it seems like she doesnt want it to be healthy. oh well.

tamekans 05-25-2011 04:01 PM

Hang in there girl. Just know that everybody is not going to accept you decisions. Just think about it like this, its your hair and if you love it then that should be the only thing that matters.

Sent from my DROID2

wavycurlyria_87 05-31-2011 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peakingdaw (Post 1643468)
I told my mom that I was going natural 3 months ago when I decided to go natural and she was completely against it from the beginning. She had given me a relaxer since I had been about 7 years old and now i'm 19. She says natural hair looks a nappy mess and that i'm just following the crowd with being natural. She said that natural hair is a fad and I don't need to follow it. In reality I was thinking about going natural at least 6 months before I did start transitioning to natural hair. Then my mom told me that relaxed hair is more versatile than relaxed hair. Do you think relaxed hair is more versatile than natural hair? What should I say to my mom? I show my mom how my hair was growing in and she still said it looked nappy. Where everyone else says it looks curly. What do you think? I''ll leave the link to the pictures here:Image hosting, free photo sharing & video sharing at Photobucket

I feel like everything your mom said about relaxed hair is what's true about natural hair. Natural hair is just that.. natural, so why does she believe that it's a fad to go natural. I don't understand how relaxed hair is more versatile either. lol You wear it down... maybe put it into a pony tail, I mean there is more you can do with relaxed, but there's tons more you can do with wearing your hair natural. Please don't continue to let her discourage you. :-) All types of natural hair is beautiful.


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