Help with transitioning and parents

elliejelli · 06-05-2011, 02:20 PM

Ok, so this wasnt doing well in the last section so I decided to try and get help over here =)

Hello everyone

I apologize if I posted this in the wrong section. I'm 14 and I recently decided to go natural after learning more information about how to take care of natural hair. I started transition last summer but didnt't know it at the time. I just knew that I was sick of relaxers. I've always pictured natural hair as a big frizzy mess but one day I saw an above the influence commercial where a girl stated that she was natural. I fell in love her curls and I was shocked that natural hair could look that pretty. immediately started researching about transitioning and natural hair and was overwhelmed at how beautiful it can be if taken care of properly. I started my transitioning process which lasted for about 8 months before my mom FORCED me to get a relaxer. You can imagine how shocked and disappointed I was. She has always been against the process, saying that it wont be the way I want it and that my hair is "begging" for a relaxer. I tried to educate her about natural hair as much as I could but she never really listened. I think the main problem was in the long term transitioning process because of the 2 textures. She said that my hair didnt look right but i told her to be patient and to wait for it to grow out. Is there anyway that I could change her mind about me going natural? Do you guys know of any transitioning styles that do not include braids or weaves? And she's going natural to by the way, but I dont know how long that's going to last with her viewpoints of natural hair being so negative. Thank you in advance and I aprreciate any help!

Sydney23 · 06-05-2011, 11:38 PM

Well Hun the EXACT same thing happened to me. Really the only advice I can give to you is to tell your mom NO. Tell her it's not what you want. I've said it to mine so much she really let's me do my hair how I want it and doesn't care anymore. Now don't get crazy and tell her off or get smart because I don't want you to get smacked all up in the house.

hope this helps a bit.

pprMACHEheart · 06-06-2011, 09:34 AM

Tell her it's not what you want to do. Research the chemicals in perms and tell her how it can in the long term affect the body.

As for transitioning styles. Twist outs, bantu knot outs, flexi rod sets, braid outs, braids without extensions, etc. Check youtube for ideas on transitioning styles or type those that I listed in the search and find a few tutorials on how to do them.

hippiedoll · 06-06-2011, 08:55 PM

When I mentioned transitioning to my mom she was angry and she was highly upset when I said I wanted to shave off all my hair and start over. I think she has mellowed out since then because my relaxed hair is very damaged. My dad supports it because he wants me to have healthy hair I once had as a child. I'm an adult now so either way it's my hair and I can make the choice to go natural regardless of what someone else thinks.

triple_spiral · 06-07-2011, 07:29 AM

My mom did almost the same thing to me! Well I wasn't really that young so she couldn't "force" me, but she conspired with my stylist against me and they cornered me with some relaxer one day and I gave in. I was upset with my mom, my hair and myself afterwards. Heck I STILL think occasionally about how long my hair would be now without that set back.

But you gotta just keep it moving....if you still want to go natural you can just start transitioning....all over again (I know, sounds terrible). I tihnk that if you start AGAIN your mom might realize how serious you are about it and chill a little.

For me, the thing that finally stopped my mom trying to relax me was doing my BC. She wanted my hair long and straight....once I got rid of all that hair she kept trying to "save" there wasn't really much she for her to do, was there? So maybe think about BCing earlier if you're comfortable with it.....it's also easier to maintain, healthier, etc (I believe in an earlier BC though).

Good luck!

reCoiled · 06-08-2011, 02:54 PM

When you say you don't want braids or twists, it makes me wonder if your parents just don't like look of natural hair? Please correct me if I am wrong, I don't want to speak for you. If that is the case, may I suggest the ponytail/bun approach. It will keep the heat of your hair, and may make your parents feel that your hair is still "presentable".

elliejelli · 06-22-2011, 07:32 PM

Thank you for all of your help everyone! I will try your methods and hopefully it works =) @reCoiled I don't know, I know that my dad has no problem with it. He was even on my side but eventually switched over to the the relaxer because how I was transitioning before made my hair look bad. My mom is the real struggle, I think her main issue with me going natural is because she thinks that natural hair can't look good. She even made a point of telling me that she tried transitioning before but it didn't look right. I tried numerous times to explain to her that natural hair can look good with the proper patience and care but she won't listen. @Sydney23 Haha, it's nice to know that there is someone out there that went through the same thing and I'll certainly keep it in mind to watch my tongue =)