I don't think the problem is so much how you're handling your hair (since you mentioned finger detangling and using a wide tooth comb) but what you're putting in it. From personal experience, my hair is the hardest to detangle if its dry in any way so I've resorted to handling/styling it only while wet. With all that being said, I'd suggest the following things:
1. Wash your hair with conditioner
I know, I know. I tried telling a few family members with the same problem to do the same thing. But ever since I gave up my favorite shampoo for a good conditioner my hair has NEVER been the same. Your tresses will still get clean and you'll be putting moisture back into your hair instead of washing it out. I use V05 conditioner (costs about 2 bucks at Walmart) and Tresemme Naturals silicone free conditioner as a leave in.
2. Put your hair in whatever protective style you want after you've conditioner washed, finger detangled your hair in the shower, and applied your Leave-In. I suggest twists or corn rows - something that your hair can air dry
in which is the BEST way to dry your hair.
3. If you feel the need to soak up any of the water use an old tshirt or microfiber towel. I know this step can seem insignificant but I only suggest it since cotton towels raise the hair follicle and cause frizz.
4. And, of course, wrap your hair up at night.
Just follow those steps for 1 month and see if you find any difference in the manageability of your hair. You can wash your hair as often as you like when handling your hair this way because all you're doing is pampering it with moisture. And keep in mind that as long as you have permed ends you still might experience some shedding - I wish there was a way around it but it comes with the territory.
Let me know if it works out for you