My daughter is ruining her hair!!

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  • 1 Post By Firefox7275
  • 2 Post By Korkscrew
  • 2 Post By Blueblood
  • 1 Post By Imani530
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  • 1 Post By curlymamakc

My daughter is 15 and she is so not interested in taking care of her hair properly. If i had to guess I would say her hair is 4B. She got relaxers for about a year but would ALWAYS wear her hair in a pony tail. She hasn't got a relaxer put in for about 6 months. With the warnings of her stylist and me about how wearing it in a pony tail will damage her hair, she still continues to do it. She made the decision to go natural. Last night I had her wash and condition her hair and I styled it. I noticed her hair pattern is messed up. At the roots the new hair is coming in and below that it's straight, then curly, and her ends are straight. She has some breakage on the hair closest to her neck. I warned her again about how the ponytail is damaging her hair and breaking it off. So i had to flat iron it, I didn't see another way of getting around it. So I did that and put it into a french braid. this morning when i saw her she took out the braid and has it back in the ponytail. I refuse to spend money on another relaxer to further damage her hair. What suggestions does anyone have on how to get her hair healthy again and to fix up her curl pattern? the way i see it, she will have to get the big chop. Thanks in advance
3B Curly Spirally
Botticelli Curls - Deva Curl
Low porosity, medium length

Current Products
DevaCurl No Poo and SheaMoisture Coconut and hibiscus Curl and Shine Shampoo
DevaCurl One Condition
Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture
GVP Conditioning Balm (Sally's)
SheaMoisture Yucca & Baobab Thickening Growth Milk (leave-in)
Miss Jessie's Pillow Soft Curls (styler)
I used to get relaxers, so I know how transitioning hair can be a pain. Especially when dealing with the 2 curl patterns. Honestly, you should cut off the relaxed ends, because those are just going to weigh her naturals down. Also, the relaxed ends tend to get knotted up & tangled more easily, and they're prone to breakage. Second, you should stay away from heat! No flat irons, curling irons, and no blow dryers (unless it's a diffuser). All of those things will just damage her hair even more. You should also consider trying the CG method. This will allow her to put better hair products in her hair that will make it much more healthier. The CG method also helps to enhance the curls, because you don't have any of the silicones or waxes weighing the hair down.

Also, you should tell her to try putting her hair in looser ponytails, or a bun instead! That way, she can still have it up, but the hair won't be breaking off as much. && Make sure the hair ties don't have metal on them, because that pulls at the hair and causes breakage. Hope this helped (:
Hey Anissa thanks for your comment. I use the CG method on my hair and have began doing it on hers as well but we have 2 different hair types. So I have to learn hers and go through all the things i went through for my hair. Mine is thin and curly but hers is thick and curly. Not so much kinky but her hair is very thick and beautiful! I would hate for it to get ruined anymore. It is soft tho so it's not completely damaged. I'm getting her products today! She always uses the cloth scrunchies on her hair but combing it is a chore and she just rips right on through it. Getting her a good conditioner and detangler should help. She wants to keep getting it braided but I'm also going to try twist outs on her hair. Only thing is that her hair is still pretty straight so hopefully once those relaxed ends are gone her hair will curl up some and get her a good twist out. Thanks again!
3B Curly Spirally
Botticelli Curls - Deva Curl
Low porosity, medium length

Current Products
DevaCurl No Poo and SheaMoisture Coconut and hibiscus Curl and Shine Shampoo
DevaCurl One Condition
Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture
GVP Conditioning Balm (Sally's)
SheaMoisture Yucca & Baobab Thickening Growth Milk (leave-in)
Miss Jessie's Pillow Soft Curls (styler)
My daughter is 15 and she is so not interested in taking care of her hair properly. If i had to guess I would say her hair is 4B. She got relaxers for about a year but would ALWAYS wear her hair in a pony tail. She hasn't got a relaxer put in for about 6 months. With the warnings of her stylist and me about how wearing it in a pony tail will damage her hair, she still continues to do it. She made the decision to go natural. Last night I had her wash and condition her hair and I styled it. I noticed her hair pattern is messed up. At the roots the new hair is coming in and below that it's straight, then curly, and her ends are straight. She has some breakage on the hair closest to her neck. I warned her again about how the ponytail is damaging her hair and breaking it off. So i had to flat iron it, I didn't see another way of getting around it. So I did that and put it into a french braid. this morning when i saw her she took out the braid and has it back in the ponytail. I refuse to spend money on another relaxer to further damage her hair. What suggestions does anyone have on how to get her hair healthy again and to fix up her curl pattern? the way i see it, she will have to get the big chop. Thanks in advance
Originally Posted by curlymamakc
At 15 IMO just let her make her own decisions and have control over her own haircare, she is old enough to learn about consequences. Damaged hair is not the end of the world, she doesn't have to get a big chop she can carry on wearing a ponytail if she so chooses. Eventually she will be ready to care for her hair and grow or cut out the damage as numerous teens and curlies have before her. Pick your battles: if she is a good student and has respect for your house rules and the law hair really is immaterial - you don't once say here your daughter is bothered in the slightest.
Korkscrew likes this.
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect
Firefox, you beat me to it. Excellent response

Curlymamakc, when I was 15 - and this probably can be said for many of us - I wanted autonomy, especially when it came to things like hair and clothes. You know, style. I wanted my own sense of style, even though it included partially or completely shaving my hair and practically buying out the Manic Panic" hair color company. Right now the hair on her head is one of the few things she has much control over, as a young adult.

I say let her do her thing when it comes to her hair, regardless of what you think of it, or how you think it may reflect on you. If you don't want to pay for relaxers, that's reasonable. Those contain chemicals that can be harmful. She can earn her own money if she wants to keep getting relaxers, would be my approach.

When she starts complaining about her hair at some point, you can simply repeat your advice, very calmly, couched as "Here's what can help ... " and then change the subject. I would also consider no longer handling her hair so much. No more emergency flat-ironing (which further damages hair), no more emergency French braids, etc. unless she expressly asks you to. She's a young adult now and - sorry if this sounds harsh, but - try not to micro-manage her. She'll thank you later.
Firefox7275 and Krystalmyth like this.
3b/c?

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Last edited by Korkscrew; 08-30-2013 at 06:58 PM.
I agree with Firefox and Korkscrew.

I was going to post exactly what has happened with the teens in my family - if one of their parents tries to tell them what hair style to have they get into a massive argument.

There as if the kid is left alone they will try lots of things and eventually turn to a conservative hair style like the parent wants. The kid works out if they want a part time job or are going for a work placement they better look more conservative.*

It's actually better to just point out to the 15 year old her pony tails are giving her traction alopecia (using the exact words "traction alopecia" and don't explain it to her unless she comes back and asks) and then change the subject.

*Conservative doesn't equal straightening it means dying your hair a colour that it's possible for humans to have and growing out your shaven bits.
Korkscrew and Firefox7275 like this.
I am fifteen years old and I was ruining my hair with relaxers. The only solution for me was to transition for three months and then I big chopped. Since my hair was short I couldn't just throw it up in a ponytail. I was sort of forced to take care of my natural hair. Now I love my short hair and I have learned so much about my hair.
Korkscrew likes this.
Around HS is when I got free reign of my hair. By 16 I got tired of the chewed off look and took the health of it into my own hands including going natural. I think if you step back she just may end up coming to you on her own. Especially if she sees your hair thriving. Maybe for now you can give just her some tips about taking care of her hair (without necessarily going natural if that isn't what she wants ). If she doesn't listen let her learn from her own mistakes?

I just think when it comes to that kind of thing it's hard to convince anyone that what you say is right. Especially if it involves a big change from what the're doing now. And especially if they're teenagers lol.

My cousin is a little younger than me and would never listen to my hair tips, until one day she was upset because her hair was matted and she couldn't detangle it. I gave her one of my conditioners and you would've thought I had invented sliced bread. Now she listens and is even going natural lol. Doesn't hurt that I'm natural and she's seen my hair grow a lot since my big chop.

I know as her mom you want her to look good, but let her start straightening her own hair too. If she's not going to listen it's not your burden. It's just hair so it's not like you're letting her truly harm herself.

If she does want your help right now my advice is to have her stop the relaxers and learn "braid outs" or "twist outs" until she's ready to cut the damage off.
Korkscrew likes this.
thanks for the tips ladies. nothing was harsh. i'll just let her do her thing and be done with it...
Korkscrew likes this.
3B Curly Spirally
Botticelli Curls - Deva Curl
Low porosity, medium length

Current Products
DevaCurl No Poo and SheaMoisture Coconut and hibiscus Curl and Shine Shampoo
DevaCurl One Condition
Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture
GVP Conditioning Balm (Sally's)
SheaMoisture Yucca & Baobab Thickening Growth Milk (leave-in)
Miss Jessie's Pillow Soft Curls (styler)
Good luck curlymamakc hopefully she will see sense sooner rather than later. You may have to change your profile picture if you point her in the direction of this site.
she was the one who said she wanted to go natural, i didn't force anything on her. i'll leave it alone until she figures it out. everything i said on here i've said to her so i have nothing to hide.
3B Curly Spirally
Botticelli Curls - Deva Curl
Low porosity, medium length

Current Products
DevaCurl No Poo and SheaMoisture Coconut and hibiscus Curl and Shine Shampoo
DevaCurl One Condition
Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture
GVP Conditioning Balm (Sally's)
SheaMoisture Yucca & Baobab Thickening Growth Milk (leave-in)
Miss Jessie's Pillow Soft Curls (styler)
Does she try twist outs or roller sets. Maybe she just doesn't want flat hair but doesn't want it too short.

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