No one understands!!

Okay, so I've been transitioning from almost 7 months (YAY ME) and I don't think anyone (my family especially) understands what I'm doing. I'm a college student and every time I come home my parents are like, would you like for us to set up a hair appointment for you. NOOO PEOPLE I DONT!! I tell them no every time they ask. Well I'm home for Christmas (WHOO! Loads of fun!!!) and one of the first things my dad says to me is " The girl that works out at them gym with me, she does hair and she does a good job (blal blah blah), I told her what your doing and she said she can look at your hair." I guess he's trying to be nice and get me some help, but I've been dealing with this for almost 7 months now and my hair has yet to fall out. I dont know if I should go or not most she can do to my hair is wash it cause I dont want any heat in it...well I had to rant cause I'm 5 degress past frustrated!
First of all, congrats on making it to 7 months. I laughed reading this post! I've actually been pretty fortunate to have a supportive family but outside of my parents and brother, no one gets it. The last time I went to my hair dresser we had a conversation about my decision to go natural...I decided to try a sew-in, for the first time, as a protective style while I was there instead of the usually touch-up (obviously). She is explaining to me that she has to relax the edges and crown before braiding up the rest. um, didn't we just discuss this no relaxer thing? I'll also get a lot of friends who offer to take me to their hair dressers for touch-ups even though I've taken the time to explain this transitioning thing to them. I just don't get why they don't get it. It's not that difficult to understand. Unless it's their way of telling me they aren't supportive of my decision. Meh, whatever.

I've been transitioning for almost a year and trust me, you'll learn to not let it frustrate you!
I can totally agree with you all on everything that was said. My mom HATES my hair; during the first 2months everyone thought I was crazy (mostly because I didnt know what to do with it) But still when I tried to explain noone understood.

The only real support I have had is my fiancee`. He is the one that encouraged me to go natural. I had gotten to the point to where I was weave queen; he didnt like that at all. So after doing a little research I decided to give natural a try...I wanted to be my NATURAL self!!

I love it!!

I have come to realize I dont really care what people think about it...Although they like it more now than before. All except my mother of course; which doesnt surprise me at all.

I said all of that to say---Do whatever makes you happy. If that means natural or whatever do it!! Dont let others ignorance dictate how and what you are going to do with yourself...

Hair style is such a personal thing, and it sucks to get reactions from people that make you feel self-conscious. Although my hair is a different type, I had one guy I used to work with blurt out "so that is what is going on with your hair, you are allergic to your conditioner!" when I was just trying to tell a gal-pal that Suave Coconut gave me itchy bumps at the hairline. I said to him "Well, actually it is also a new cut and style" and wanted to say (but didn't)..."I'm trying the healthy hair thing rather than the product heavy frizzed and flyaway thing I was doing before to fake volume"....but I didn't.

I think our society has gotten so used to unhealthy and unnatural things that we don't know what is "real" anymore. Think about it boobs, airbrushed models, fake teeth veneers, Spanx... we try so hard to look like something we don't.

When you get to the point in this journey where you feel like you've reached your goal, you will radiate that feeling and you will have made a move toward giving real beauty a visual. So, hang in there. Oh, and some folks say stuff like that because they're jealous. So, you can always try to brush it off as just that.

Come to think of it, that guy is "in the closet" and also bald. Maybe he was lusting after my baby fine glossy waves - ha, ha

Or, the next time someone says something, you can tell them that you are still wearing a bra, but could stop doing that if it would give them something else to talk about instead of your hair !
Kayhali, I so TOTALLY get your post, as well as the others above. I'm a 3a, but it's the same thing for me, only I sometimes struggle against myself as well. Time and time again I reconnect with my natural light brown curls, only to be seduced away again by sleek, blond images in the media or comments from well-meaning friends, relatives or even strangers!.

Every time this happens, I enjoy the transformation for a while, but inevitably I start longing for my natural self again. I think this time I finally have it out of my system and won't let myself be swayed by others again.

Folks may not understand your reasoning, but ultimately you're always going to invite criticism from someone, no matter what you do. Your true self will eventually shine through and even the most sceptical onlookers will simply have to start adjusting their perception of beauty.
Kayhali,

Congratulations to 7 months of transitioning (I'm going on 8 months). Keep your head up and stay positive because we have a long way to go. As an older adult, I also get comments but I turn it around and tell them its their problem for thinking I need a relaxer to comform to what society dictates. After that comment, most people are dumbfounded but I smile.

I'm really sick and tired of straight hair vs. kinky hair but what's even worst is when the people closest to you don't understand or support you.

Like I said before, keep your head up, and hopefully things will change but in the meantime, your natural hair represents you and your curls or kinks are beautiful!!!
Live For Today!

Last edited by cysyca; 12-16-2008 at 09:29 AM.
The only real support I have had is my fiancee`. He is the one that encouraged me to go natural. I had gotten to the point to where I was weave queen; he didnt like that at all. So after doing a little research I decided to give natural a try...I wanted to be my NATURAL self!!

I love it!!
Originally Posted by vmocha
You know, I say that I don't care what anyone thinks, and for the most part this is true, but I do secretly care about what my boyfriend thinks. Sometimes I read about boyfriends or husbands that seem to be completely horrified by the fact that their women want to start rocking their natural hair. This really upsets me. I'm so happy that my boyfriend has been super supportive and I feel like he'd think I was beautiful either way, and I think that is important. I can feel beautiful and like I am doing what is right for me but I'd also like my boyfriend to feel that way, too.

Blah, I feel a little bad that I would care more about what he thinks over my parents...but my parents will love me and think I'm lovely unconditionally whether they make bad comments or not. Boyfriends, not necessarily....

So vmocha, I think you're a very lucky woman to have a man that appreciates the natural you.

Last edited by nettabelle; 12-16-2008 at 09:50 AM. Reason: I can't spell. D:
Thanks for the encouraging words! Although I'm still a little frustrated.
You're welcome-
I think the point to these threads are to encourage each other and offer insightful advice!!
You know, I say that I don't care what anyone thinks, and for the most part this is true, but I do secretly care about what my boyfriend thinks. Sometimes I read about boyfriends or husbands that seem to be completely horrified by the fact that their women want to start rocking their natural hair. This really upsets me. I'm so happy that my boyfriend has been super supportive and I feel like he'd think I was beautiful either way, and I think that is important. I can feel beautiful and like I am doing what is right for me but I'd also like my boyfriend to feel that way, too.

Blah, I feel a little bad that I would care more about what he thinks over my parents...but my parents will love me and think I'm lovely unconditionally whether they make bad comments or not. Boyfriends, not necessarily....

So vmocha, I think you're a very lucky woman to have a man that appreciates the natural you.[/quote]


I can totally agree with you about not caring...but caring somewhat about other's thought about our hair. Like you said...I feel the exact same way when I say I care about my fiancee` opinion over my moms...LOL Then again I know how my mom is. She is critical about everything. If she didnt know why Jesus did what he did on the cross, I think she would have something to say about that...LAUGH!!

Ask him about his thoughts on the natural thing...what does he think so far?
Then again I know how my mom is. She is critical about everything. If she didnt know why Jesus did what he did on the cross, I think she would have something to say about that...LAUGH!!

Ask him about his thoughts on the natural thing...what does he think so far?
Originally Posted by vmocha

lol


As for my boyfriend, he is completely down with the natural hair thing. He is really supportive and excited and I'm so happy about that. He is also interested and asks me questions about how I take care of my hair and when I'm going to BC. He also lets me try different products on his hair to bring out his curls... I think he is maybe 3a *shrugs*. But yes, it is important. If he didn't like how I looked with my natural hair I wouldn't feel as beautiful. I'd feel horrible. Even if I said I didn't care on the outside, I would.

Until I dumped him and got over it. Just being honest.

lol


As for my boyfriend, he is completely down with the natural hair thing. He is really supportive and excited and I'm so happy about that. He is also interested and asks me questions about how I take care of my hair and when I'm going to BC. He also lets me try different products on his hair to bring out his curls... I think he is maybe 3a *shrugs*. But yes, it is important. If he didn't like how I looked with my natural hair I wouldn't feel as beautiful. I'd feel horrible. Even if I said I didn't care on the outside, I would.

Until I dumped him and got over it. Just being honest.
Originally Posted by nettabelle
WOW!! He even lets you experiment...hmm...that's too sweet.

It seems to me that black men have a hard time understanding/accepting black women naturally. I know since going natural I have had 40% increase in the intrest of white males...meanwhile, black males intrest are at an all time low...

What grade is ur hair?! I think mine is a 4b..maybe between an 4a...I have some serious shrinkage and some strange lookin z's in there. Although, they are not the curls I thought they would be, I love them regardless

lol


As for my boyfriend, he is completely down with the natural hair thing. He is really supportive and excited and I'm so happy about that. He is also interested and asks me questions about how I take care of my hair and when I'm going to BC. He also lets me try different products on his hair to bring out his curls... I think he is maybe 3a *shrugs*. But yes, it is important. If he didn't like how I looked with my natural hair I wouldn't feel as beautiful. I'd feel horrible. Even if I said I didn't care on the outside, I would.

Until I dumped him and got over it. Just being honest.
Originally Posted by nettabelle
WOW!! He even lets you experiment...hmm...that's too sweet.

It seems to me that black men have a hard time understanding/accepting black women naturally. I know since going natural I have had 40% increase in the intrest of white males...meanwhile, black males intrest are at an all time low...

What grade is ur hair?! I think mine is a 4b..maybe between an 4a...I have some serious shrinkage and some strange lookin z's in there. Although, they are not the curls I thought they would be, I love them regardless
Originally Posted by vmocha
Oh man, I know! Getting hit on by black males is somewhat rare for me now. Like the only time it seems to happen is when its a compliment by a man with a fro or locs, but still. I don't know about you but I live in the midwest...not sure whether or not this has to do with anything, but I don't see many naturals on a daily basis. Any other man is all about me more than ever. My boyfriend is Arab, actually. His family owns a few black beauty supply stores, lol. So we get into arguments about products and things sometimes. Its cute. Sometimes annoying. Anyway, he is more interested about the natural thing and asks questions. I like that.


I have no idea. 3c/4a with random 3b. I've cut off so many small pieces since transitioning. Meh, I don't know if I care. I'm scared I won't know what to do with it regardless of type, but I'll learn here. Your hair looks beautiful, my friend. Very healthy looking as well. I'm glad you love it. You don't have to have curls for that... it's all you and natural! That's awesome...

lol


As for my boyfriend, he is completely down with the natural hair thing. He is really supportive and excited and I'm so happy about that. He is also interested and asks me questions about how I take care of my hair and when I'm going to BC. He also lets me try different products on his hair to bring out his curls... I think he is maybe 3a *shrugs*. But yes, it is important. If he didn't like how I looked with my natural hair I wouldn't feel as beautiful. I'd feel horrible. Even if I said I didn't care on the outside, I would.

Until I dumped him and got over it. Just being honest.
Originally Posted by nettabelle
WOW!! He even lets you experiment...hmm...that's too sweet.

It seems to me that black men have a hard time understanding/accepting black women naturally. I know since going natural I have had 40% increase in the intrest of white males...meanwhile, black males intrest are at an all time low...

What grade is ur hair?! I think mine is a 4b..maybe between an 4a...I have some serious shrinkage and some strange lookin z's in there. Although, they are not the curls I thought they would be, I love them regardless
Originally Posted by vmocha
Oh man, I know! Getting hit on by black males is somewhat rare for me now. Like the only time it seems to happen is when its a compliment by a man with a fro or locs, but still. I don't know about you but I live in the midwest...not sure whether or not this has to do with anything, but I don't see many naturals on a daily basis. Any other man is all about me more than ever. My boyfriend is Arab, actually. His family owns a few black beauty supply stores, lol. So we get into arguments about products and things sometimes. Its cute. Sometimes annoying. Anyway, he is more interested about the natural thing and asks questions. I like that.


I have no idea. 3c/4a with random 3b. I've cut off so many small pieces since transitioning. Meh, I don't know if I care. I'm scared I won't know what to do with it regardless of type, but I'll learn here. Your hair looks beautiful, my friend. Very healthy looking as well. I'm glad you love it. You don't have to have curls for that... it's all you and natural! That's awesome...
Originally Posted by nettabelle

Sorry it took so long getting back w/you...I was sick (AH! I missed the board!) LOL

Yeah, I live in the south. It seems like everyone down here wears some kind of weave. Quick weave, wigs, long fake ponytails...hardly anyone is natural even when they press it out---it's all fake. I get a lot of stops and stares-- folks saying stuff like, "Your hair looks so good, everyone cant rock that style" or "I wish I could do that"

But, it wasn't always like that...LOL

It's cool to have a supportive bf...even when he thinks he knows products better...LOL Mine does to and his fam doesnt even own a hair store.>><<


Thanks for the compliments chick!! You got any pics???

WOW!! He even lets you experiment...hmm...that's too sweet.

It seems to me that black men have a hard time understanding/accepting black women naturally. I know since going natural I have had 40% increase in the intrest of white males...meanwhile, black males intrest are at an all time low...

What grade is ur hair?! I think mine is a 4b..maybe between an 4a...I have some serious shrinkage and some strange lookin z's in there. Although, they are not the curls I thought they would be, I love them regardless
Originally Posted by vmocha
Oh man, I know! Getting hit on by black males is somewhat rare for me now. Like the only time it seems to happen is when its a compliment by a man with a fro or locs, but still. I don't know about you but I live in the midwest...not sure whether or not this has to do with anything, but I don't see many naturals on a daily basis. Any other man is all about me more than ever. My boyfriend is Arab, actually. His family owns a few black beauty supply stores, lol. So we get into arguments about products and things sometimes. Its cute. Sometimes annoying. Anyway, he is more interested about the natural thing and asks questions. I like that.


I have no idea. 3c/4a with random 3b. I've cut off so many small pieces since transitioning. Meh, I don't know if I care. I'm scared I won't know what to do with it regardless of type, but I'll learn here. Your hair looks beautiful, my friend. Very healthy looking as well. I'm glad you love it. You don't have to have curls for that... it's all you and natural! That's awesome...
Originally Posted by nettabelle

Sorry it took so long getting back w/you...I was sick (AH! I missed the board!) LOL

Yeah, I live in the south. It seems like everyone down here wears some kind of weave. Quick weave, wigs, long fake ponytails...hardly anyone is natural even when they press it out---it's all fake. I get a lot of stops and stares-- folks saying stuff like, "Your hair looks so good, everyone cant rock that style" or "I wish I could do that"

But, it wasn't always like that...LOL

It's cool to have a supportive bf...even when he thinks he knows products better...LOL Mine does to and his fam doesnt even own a hair store.>><<


Thanks for the compliments chick!! You got any pics???
Originally Posted by vmocha
Hope you're feeling better!

Compliments; you're very welcome. Natural looks very nice on you. Nah, no pictures online at the moment. I might start a fotki next month. I already know I'd be terrible about updating it though. I'll let you know if/when I do if you're still interested.

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