Why do people hang on to dried/damaged relaxed hair.....

Instead of cutting it and working with their natural texture?

I have a friend who has broken off relaxed hair that she swears is close to BSL when wet but in reality it barely touches her shoulders and it is so damaged. I told her about this site in hopes that she will have the courage to go natural. She says that her hair would not look good natural. She would rather hold on to stringy, damaged relaxed hair. *shrug*

I have a cousin who wanted to transition from a texturizer and was all set to do it. I showed her this site, showed her pictures of Webbie's gorgeous curls that were on the home page, album photos, etc. She was going to do it and then she got frustrated and texturized again.

I just do not understand. It is not that I think altering your texture is bad but why continue to do it when it is definitely damaging your hair? All right, I had to get that out of my system. I knew I could rant here.
We're all born mad. Some remain so.

It's a mindset. You have to transition your mind too. Some of us just aren't ready.
Free your Mind and your Hair will Follow
Curli's pics
album pw: bangz
It's a mindset. You have to transition your mind too. Some of us just aren't ready.
Originally Posted by Curlilocs
This is very true.

About my friend, I know she will never go natural. She says her natural hair is like a boy's texture and will not make her look feminine. I am not sure what she meant by boy's texture. She is convinced that African textured hair will not suit her at all and her hair needs a harsh relaxer to be manageable. She plans to marry someone with loose curls or straight hair in hopes to have children with loose curls.

The rest of her siblings did that, too.

She is my friend but sometimes I want to shake some sense into her.

My cousin is not as bad as my friend but I was disappointed that after she asked me for transitioning advice she put a texturizer in her hair, again. I hope she will change her mind later.
We're all born mad. Some remain so.

WebjockeyGuide
Guest
Posts: n/a
because there's no one or right way to transition.
so many complex reasons as to why some are afraid.
honestly, for a long time i was a friad to unitl i found np and nc.
looking at the albums showed me there is so much versatility and potential for our hair.

we need to get over the notin that kinky,coily hair is "unmanageable".
all natural.

my head is full of naps, coils, kinks and thickness.

http://public.fotki.com/missg1013/
because there's no one or right way to transition.
Originally Posted by WebjockeyGuide
This was not really related to how they are going to transition but why they would prefer damaged relaxed hair to healthy natural hair. The friend is not going to attempt to transition.

Personally I would not want my hair to look like straw was glued to my scalp and hair so broken you can see through it. I just cannot understand that at all.

But perhaps she does not see how damaged her hair really is. Once my friend said that hair hair was naturally layered. It is like that because the hair broke off unevenly. For some reason she cannot see that.

The cousin's hair is not visibly broken off (has some straight ends and is dry) but it is frustrating that she asks for advice and then relaxes again.

I am just ranting. These two frustrate me the most because they are ALWAYS asking me for hair advice. I have gotten to the point that I ignore their questions and just direct them to hair sites.
We're all born mad. Some remain so.

In some peoples mind, any length of straight, socially acceptable, relaxed hair is better than natural hair. Even if their hair is broken, dull, and damaged, at least it's still straight.

I agree wiith Curlilocs, transitions should start in your mind in order to be successful.
Shampoo: Herbal Essences-NOYF

Conditioner: Herbal Essences NOYF Conditioner mixed w/ Coppola Keratin Complex Conditioner

+ TJ Nourish and Olive oil combo.
"naturally layered?" buwahahahaha

For some people, going natural is simply NOT an option. They look at you like you're crazy...lke you suggested they amputate an arm or something.

* that was crazy in the arbitrary insult way, not the legitimate MI way. :P
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

My roommates are the same way. They have VERY damaged relaxed hair that is so short they could probably BC in 5-6 months and have the same length of natural hair as they do relaxed hair now. Their hair looks like dried frizzy straw -- Its relaxed, split, dyed and fried. It's horrible.

One of them said she could never go natural because she can't comb through her hair. There is no way in hell her hair is thicker than mine and I can comb through my hair. I tried to explain to her that you never comb through ur natural hair when dry but instead comb it out at night in the shower with a lot of conditioner in it then, re-wet it in the sink and gel it in the morning.

My other roommate believes that black people are "cursed with ugly hair." and unless you're 1/2 white u "CANT" go natural. She is always staring at my hair bug eyed and trying to touch it because she thinks its fake (Because I'm not 1/2 white and I have 3b/3c curls). It's sickening how some black women feel about the hair they were born with.

I dont think altering your hair with chemicals is bad if you're willing to take care of it: keep up with your trims, condition it, etc. I mean some people look better with straight hair and others with curly. Some look better with wavy hair-- etc. It all depends on how you feel. If you dont feel sexy with your hair a certain way then by all means change it for YOU. High self esteem is important. Don't change your hair texture to go with the grain of society even if it means having damaged hair on your head because you feel that your natural hair is ugly (even though you've never seen yourself with it). I dont care what kind of hair you have -- damaged hair is ugly whether it's straight, curly, wavy, kinky, whatever. There is no reason to hold on to it.
*~Asia~*
All natural for the second time since October 30, 2010 after cutting the last 3-4 inches of t-laxed hair. I am learning to love and style my curly 3C/4A hair without frying it with the flat iron

My goal is to have BSL hair again in 18 months! I'm a PJ and always on the look out for my Holy Grail!
In some peoples mind, any length of straight, socially acceptable, relaxed hair is better than natural hair. Even if their hair is broken, dull, and damaged, at least it's still straight.

I agree wiith Curlilocs, transitions should start in your mind in order to be successful.
Originally Posted by Bianca
I agree. I know of many young teens that keep relaxing their hair even though its broken, dried and fried to the point of no return because they want to fit in with the girls with long straight hair. Also many of them think that their natural hair is ugly and unmanageable.
Yep, my mother has fried and dyed her hair to the point where it looks like dry straw. And it's breaking off. She has a notion that ONLY straight hair is beautiful, even though she tells me all the time how pretty and thick my hair is. Although I have never seen her real texture, I believe her hair has to be close to what her brothers and sisters hair is, which is lightly to tightly waved. I don't get it. SHE would definitely rather hold on to damaged hair than lose any length. It's sad and frustrating, because she never listens to my hair advice, although she asks for it constantly. She is very lucky that her hair grows VERY fast, but she'll never see it looking beautiful if she keeps messing with it.

Cehua, I feel you
Last Relaxer August 15, 2004
Big Chop April 23, 2006
I'm new here and am so glad you started this thread. I'm on a personal mission about this regarding small AA girls. Have you noticed how many mothers relax their daughter's hair and how simply awful it looks. The No-Lye Relaxers literally chew up the edges of these girls hair and their hair looks dry and dull. It's also damaged and broken off. What sense does this make? Does a 5 year old need relaxed hair? My sister was in the hair salon yesterday and she said a 15 year old girl was in there with 4b virgin hair, never had a relaxer. She said the girl's hair was thick and beautiful. And the woman was blowing out her natural hair into a sleek style. Isn't it more important that girls get to teenage years with a head full of beautiful hair that they can then relax (if they want to) and take care of themselves. Isn't that the age when it matters most how you look? Not 5 years old for goodness sake.

I have nothing against relaxers. I love to wear my hair straight. It's straight now. My beef is with unhealthy hair. My own regimen for years has been to give my hair a break every couple of years during the summer months into winter, sometimes longer. This is my year to cut all my hair off and wear it natural for awhile. During this natural phase, I keep my hair conditioned and healthy. When I do relax again, my scalp has had a chance to regenerate and my hair is healthy with no breakage. Right now my hair looks fine, but it's shedding and there is a small area in the back that has some breakage. You can't see it, so people think I'm crazy when I say my hair is damage because on the top it looks vibrant and healthy. But I don't care. Wearing your hair natural sometimes, especially during the summer is a welcomed break and I love the way my hair looks that way, too. People always freak when I do it and then they are amazed when my hair grows back. Even when the proof is right in front of their eyes, the thing is, they simply don't get it: that my hair is healthy because I gave myself a much needed break and cut off my damaged hair. It's almost like they'd rather die than go natural.

Now if that's not the silliest thing!

BTW, I have the coarsest, nappiest, wiry-est, no curl, ziz-zag pattern, 4b hair in captivity. So when I go natural, I GO NATURAL!
I'm new here and am so glad you started this thread. I'm on a personal mission about this regarding small AA girls. Have you noticed how many mothers relax their daughter's hair and how simply awful it looks. The No-Lye Relaxers literally chew up the edges of these girls hair and their hair looks dry and dull. It's also damaged and broken off. What sense does this make? Does a 5 year old need relaxed hair? My sister was in the hair salon yesterday and she said a 15 year old girl was in there with 4b virgin hair, never had a relaxer. She said the girl's hair was thick and beautiful. And the woman was blowing out her natural hair into a sleek style. Isn't it more important that girls get to teenage years with a head full of beautiful hair that they can then relax (if they want to) and take care of themselves. Isn't that the age when it matters most how you look? Not 5 years old for goodness sake.

I have nothing against relaxers. I love to wear my hair straight. It's straight now. My beef is with unhealthy hair. My own regimen for years has been to give my hair a break every couple of years during the summer months into winter, sometimes longer. This is my year to cut all my hair off and wear it natural for awhile. During this natural phase, I keep my hair conditioned and healthy. When I do relax again, my scalp has had a chance to regenerate and my hair is healthy with no breakage. Right now my hair looks fine, but it's shedding and there is a small area in the back that has some breakage. You can't see it, so people think I'm crazy when I say my hair is damage because on the top it looks vibrant and healthy. But I don't care. Wearing your hair natural sometimes, especially during the summer is a welcomed break and I love the way my hair looks that way, too. People always freak when I do it and then they are amazed when my hair grows back. Even when the proof is right in front of their eyes, the thing is, they simply don't get it: that my hair is healthy because I gave myself a much needed break and cut off my damaged hair. It's almost like they'd rather die than go natural.

Now if that's not the silliest thing!

BTW, I have the coarsest, nappiest, wiry-est, no curl, ziz-zag pattern, 4b hair in captivity. So when I go natural, I GO NATURAL!
Okay, I'm one of those women ya'll are talking about, but I just have to give another point of view. Last year(May) I went natural and did the BC. It was great for awhile when my hair was super short, but not everyone wants hair that short.I wanted more length, not much, but more.As my hair grew so did my frustration here is what I was dealing with (1) spending so much time in the shower my skin became so dry that it began it crack and bleed(with lotion ) (2) no one in Houston knows how to cut curly hair much less help me style it (resulted in me hating the way I looked) (3) spending so much money on new products that did not give me results that I was flat broke(4) having a wet collar all day(what's that all about?!) and the biggest (5) I felt really really ugly, not because of my hair texture, but because it was not styled and looked really bad for my face shape. So I relaxed in Feb, but much to my chagrin, I had so much product in my hair, my texure went from a 3c-4a to a 3b-
because relaxers are addicted.I would prefer to have my own hair than damage hair any day.
.As my hair grew so did my frustration here is what I was dealing with (1) spending so much time in the shower my skin became so dry that it began it crack and bleed(with lotion )
Originally Posted by LBGsk8tr
LBGsk8tr,

If you decide to go natural again, you may want to invest in a detachable shower head. I have eczema, so I can't shampoo/condition my hair while I shower because of the products running down my body, so I understand your pain!

I get on my knees and bend over the tub rim (I put a folded towel on the rim to cushion my elbows) and use the shower head. A great time saver and skin saver!

To fix the all day wet hair/wet collar problem, try GabbyC's "Dry" styling method. http://naturallycurly2.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=76309 You can use different products. I have tried the method, and my hair looked okay. I am still experimenting (I tried again on Sat)...I don't think my hair was quite wet enough.

I also understand the frustration of dealing with longer natural hair. Although, I have been natural for almost 4 years, I am just now understanding my hair and learning how to style it instead of wearing it in a bun.

Today, I had a good hair day. I tried the dry method again, but this time used different products and wet my hair more, but it wasn't dripping.

Sorry for rambling...Good luck!
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
Instead of cutting it and working with their natural texture?

I have a friend who has broken off relaxed hair that she swears is close to BSL when wet but in reality it barely touches her shoulders and it is so damaged. I told her about this site in hopes that she will have the courage to go natural. She says that her hair would not look good natural. She would rather hold on to stringy, damaged relaxed hair. *shrug*

I have a cousin who wanted to transition from a texturizer and was all set to do it. I showed her this site, showed her pictures of Webbie's gorgeous curls that were on the home page, album photos, etc. She was going to do it and then she got frustrated and texturized again.

I just do not understand. It is not that I think altering your texture is bad but why continue to do it when it is definitely damaging your hair? All right, I had to get that out of my system. I knew I could rant here.
Originally Posted by Cehua

I can understand it though...I have always wanted long hair...I mean always and it seemed that it took so long to grow. Getting length cut off is really hard. I haven't had a relaxer for over a year...and I was able to blow it straight or wear it curly(which I didn't do very often). I only went and got trims and thankfully I don't have too much damage. My hair is almost BSL and I don't think I could cut it, especially now since I am wearing it curly it would be too short. You can't really tell wear the left over relaxer is, I can't even tell, and I will just grow it out. You are right though it probably isn't good to alter the natural texture of your hair.
________________________
http://public.fotki.com/curlygirl1978/

Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
for me its the lenght and whats more is i have had short hair FOREVER and finally my hair has reached below my shoulders but its all dead, relaxed hair and i DONT WANT TO CUT IT...i am considering to get 2 inchs off, enough to still get a sew in weave ( im wearing one now) which is helping my natural hair grow out without me damaging it..i realize that the hair is dead and wont do much but i think for me its going to be hard cause my hair also is a very tight curl so it looks like it never grows even though it does....
i was doing straight but now i want my curls back...
Long hair, not healthy hair is idolized. Whenever I got damaged her I would tell te stylist to cut it off. Hair grows back, right? Well one day I got tired of getting it cut off (after the 5th time). I was in high school. After I stopped crying and my Daddy talked to the stylist, she decided to work with me, condtioned it once a week and trimmed it off little by little.
4b is me

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