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I'm so frustrated with my frizzy 3b hair I broke down today, Please Help!

Hi, thanks so much for clicking on this :) Please try and read everything, it would mean so much, I spent a lot of time writing this :)

I'm 15 years old and I have super thick, frizzy 3b hair. 

Past: Around 4 years ago, I stopped rebonding/relaxing my hair, I had already done it 3 times. My hair was a total but I cut off the last 3 inches of my straight ends last year in November.

It has been 8 months since I've been completely curly.

Present: Every 2 days, I co-wash my hair with Burt's Bees More Moisture Conditioner, wait for 5 minutes to let it settle and comb it out with a wide tooth comb or my tangle-teezer. I then apply coconut oil to my hair and let it sit with the conditioner for about 10 minutes. I then wash my hair out with freezing cold water.

I don't use a towel, I simply squeeze the water out because my thick curls dry surprisingly fast. 

I then section my hair off into 4 sections on the sides. To each section, I apply about 5 drops of coconut oil, half a squirt of Aveda style-prep, a squirt of Ouidad's Curl Quencher Moisturizing Styling Gel, a couple drops of the Burt's Bees More Moisture Conditioner as a leave-in and 3 more drops of coconut oil as a sealant.

I deep condition every 2 weeks. Sometimes, I make hair masks out of egg and yoghurt.

This still leaves my hair frizzy and I cannot comprehend why,

I usually let it air-dry but today my Mom got me the Braun Satin Hair 7 HD 770 hair dryer with a diffuser attachment as a last resort, because from watching endless Youtube videos of curly girls doing their hair routines.

I tried it out and it made my hair EVEN FRIZZIER. 

I broke down and cried my eyes out. I hate my curls.

I try so hard to accept my hair. Everyday, I do research on how I can take better care of my hair. I've done everything I can. I cannot spend an hour plus washing my hair every 2 days and obsessing over the frizz the subsequent days.

I get the most frizz 'in-between' curls if that makes sense.

I don't have access to DevaChan, Shea Moisture or Kinky-Curly Products because I don't live in the States anymore, I live in Singapore. Everyone has straight hair. Plus, no one knows how to cut curls here. No one. No one understands.

My Mom is gifted with beautiful waves, and my Dad has short curly hair, he doesn't get frizz.

Please help me, I'm so desperate I've actually researched shaving my head bald. :'(

7 Answers

Hey hun!! Believe me I know where you're coming from, I am 30 now but fought and fought my hair FOREVER. One thing I've learned with mine is less is more, as in the more I do to it the worse it looks, my routine now is to wash and condition wrap in a towel for 10 minutes or so take it out of towel and put my gel and curl cream in. Then I do my makeup to let the gel start to set, then I use only my fingers to style. Mines short now but only for about 6 months, it was past my shoulders before that. I hope I've helped even a tiny bit-again I'm 30 years old and there are days it still threatens to put me in an awful mood

I have the absolute same problem, lovely. It's just our hair. Granted, we watch a lot of those beautiful naturals on YouTube wishing that we had their hair, but the truth is everyone's hair is different but beautiful. What works for one person may not work for you. I can say one way I reduced my frizzyness is by deep conditioning every week, at least once. Leave it in for about 30 minutes and then wash it out with COOL water. Another way, honestly, is to refrain as much as you can from leaving it open. Protective styles are key in the humidity. I would LOVE to walk out of the house every day with a wash n go or a curly perm-rodded fro, but the humidity will attack my hair and I will look NOTHING like how I did when I left my house that morning lol. For instance, I used perm rods this weekend on my hair after deep conditioning, but decided to pin my hair up in a nice updo for work, so the humidity won't ruin my manual curls.

Above all, lovely, you have to love yourself and your hair. I had a breakdown at the beginning of my journey too, but once I began nurturing and loving my hair we began to agree with each other (for the most part). Some days are still frustrating, but I wouldn't go back to the creamy crack for anything.

Okay it sounds like you have high porosity hair. Therefor all of your moisture is coming out. On curl talk there is a section specifically for high porosity hair, so make sure you read that and reserch how to take care of high porosity hair. And try and following their advice. 

Or you can just apply like a lot of gel or mousse when your hair is still wet and then plop for like until you think your hair is dry and see what happens. Gel has polymer that help the hair clump together, preventing a lot of frizz. My curls/waves are looser than yours, but I still do get a lot of frizz. Whenever I use like a lot of gel, it tames the frizz pretty well and gives me nice, defines waves/curls. But if you don't like the "wet" look, you had just scruntch it out when your hair dried and it should be fine. Some friends of mine have a similar hair type to you and they just use a lot of product to tame their manes and this usually helps.

But remember to love your hair. Yes, it can be frizzy, crazy, and disobedient, but its your hair. Love it and it will love you

Enthusiast

this video is just what you've been looking for ! 

I understand your frustration but don't give up. As curlies we all have different routines. I agree with NifaDean, try braiding it at night. When I started my journey six years ago I was a mess. I couldn't find anything that would work. Through trial and a lot of errors, I learned that a good conditioner is your friend, finger detangling works best and sectioning hair then twisting/braiding works. Try using a little gel at the roots when you twist and cover your hair at night. It took me a while to understand that also but it works. Oil also helps with shine and retaining moisture. Good luck on your journey and don't give up.

Perhaps you can try coconut oil and braiding the hair in sections at night. Also, stop washing your hair so often, the hair needs time to dry and stretch out. Once a week is fine. I would say braiding at night is the key thing. No fancy cornrow, just pig tails.

On accepting your hair-- I am BLESSED with 4C hair and I would change nothing. You can spend millions of dollars on "fighting the frizz". I have found no products out there that will give me frizz free curls. Do you know why? My hair just is not fine and silky. Your 'frizz' is your hair, and you should not let the world make you feel sad about it. Your hair cannot start wars, so stop worrying. Honestly, your Mama should be telling you this.

If you shave your hair off, that 'frizzy' hair will grow right back where it came from. Your parents (God) gave you that hair, remember that.

These products that say 'frizz control' rarely work. I have browsed all kinds of stores, spent all kinds of money- even when my hair is flat ironed, I get 'flyaways'.

Good luck to you- your hair is a dead protein  coming out of your head. Don't let it rule your life.

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