Lately, I can say I have definitely been frustrated and have expressed feelings of hate towards my hair.
We all go through ups and downs with our hair, whether it be seasonal frustrations, hormone changes or just plain boredom, but my negative thoughts have been swirling inside for almost a year and a half.
It started in the mornings with tears and angry moments and as soon as I finished styling, I would take one look in the mirror and toss it straight up into a high bun. Not being any better, often times I receive a ton of compliments on "how cute" my curls are piled on top of my head, which would then send me into this rambling conversation about how frustrated I have been with my hair. I realized I couldn't even take a compliment about my hair so, I decided to break it down, to look at my specific reasons why I had fallen out of love with my curls.
An initial discovery was that every morning before even saying something nice to myself, I would already be beating myself down with thoughts about my hair and how it was not living up to how curly hair should look!
It's been almost two years since I lost a job that meant the world to me, but not only did I lose that job, but I lost my family and friends too...and I've never felt stress like I did at that point my life. That moment was a total wrecking ball on my body because I allowed myself to be so emotionally distraught that I depleted myself of vitamins and nutrients that I needed to be healthy. And with that came hair loss. I was pulling out chunks of my hair when I washed it, due to the stress of my life causing it to fall out. It was such a soul-crushing experience, that even now that it's growing in I still have fears of it thinning again.
My hair makes me feel unique, so when it started falling out it sent me into a panic. After the sourness of life's circumstances started to wear off, my hair shifted and was no longer something I recognized in the mirror.
I have been working hard at self-love for years and with my journey comes the acceptance of the state of my hair right now. I must admit, I am frustrated with myself though for allowing my mind to control my body. Could I have prevented my hair loss had I been stronger handling that type of emotional stress?
Another thing is social media. I pride myself on having an Instagram account that is completely me, a place for me to showcase my photos and thoughts. I promised myself to never feel pressured to take certain photos or say certain things so that would land more likes. I read all kinds of things about how comparison is the death of all creativity and every time I saw that I would think to myself, "Not me. I know what's good."
But I totally I fell victim to it, just not in the way I thought.
It had nothing to do with my account and everything to do with how I saw myself in others' accounts. I compare my hair constantly to people on Instagram. "Why do they have so much volume? Why can't I find someone to cut my hair in that way? I wish I had that texture." It is an awful cycle that happens almost everytime I see someone with curly hair. I'm sure we all do this to some extent, but when does a question about someone else's process become unhealthy?
I love seeing other curly-haired girls and accounts like NaturallyCurly because they're an amazing resource for topics like this and people like me. Naturally Curly covers conversations about all walks of the curly hair journey and I have found so much information, but I've also found though that I am trying to see my hair as something it's not.
I want volume-- the bigger the better.
When I see others with 3a and 3b curls, I start to convince myself that because their hair is the same curly style as mine it should look the same. I allowed myself to become a part of a false reality of what everyday curly hair looks like.
The Battle with Products and Cuts
Oftentimes with my hair too, I feel like I am doing something wrong styling wise. I used to unknowingly use products that weren't good for my hair to accomplish the look that I wanted. When I discovered that these products weren't good for my curls, I decided to switch things up. Most products I tried after my initial discovery, gave me really soft curls. Sounds great, right? Right! I live on Florida's Gulf Coast where the humidity hovers around 85% almost all year though, and the soft look doesn't quite work here, so my curls instantly lose shape the second I step outside.
I also have a lot of hair, but my individual strands are pretty fine. On my quest to find products that worked for my hair, I have tried everything from gels to leave-in conditioners, oils and just about every DevaCurl product I could find. I even got a Deva cut a few months ago, and while it made my curls look incredibly healthy, the shape of the cut did nothing for boosting volume at the root.
I wish I could say I knew the answer right now to get over my frustrations with my hair, but I absolutely don't and I think that is OK. What matters is that I am conscious of my negative thoughts about my curls. I don't have my 20 something hair anymore, but I'm still fortunate to have the hair that I do. We are all unique and that's what makes this community of curls so much fun. I practice self-love every day and I can truly say that I do love myself. Right now though, this is where I am with my hair-- stuck. I need a good boost of confidence with an amazing cut to help me fall in love with my curls again.
Have you ever experienced frustrations with your hair before?
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