PICTURED: COMMUNITY MEMBER Klasticdayz'S AWESOME CURLS
Our curls are lovely, gorgeous, and unique but not everyone is a fan. I understand that more than anyone because self-love is about loving all of yourself and not just one’s body. Hair is just as judged by others and ourselves. While we say it, hear it, and try to embrace it, loving oneself is a constant work in progress for many women no matter race, age, or continent you reside in. We discuss hair here but hair affects more than beauty as it affects our health and that includes our mental health so when a reader comes along to share her true heartfelt feelings about her hair, we must stop and listen. Klasticdayz shared her hair problems with us in Curly Q&A and we heard her and wanted to help.

Question

I have hated my curls for my entire life. How do I love my curls? How can I get my desired look? This is extremely important to me. If anyone has the slightest bit of advice, please share. I really need help. I probably should have made an account asked this question to the Naturallycurly community a while ago. A long while ago. But I can't do this any longer. So I ask for your help now. I am almost 20 years old and I have never loved my hair. I have tried everything for years. SO many different products and methods. SO many hours of shifting through curly articles. SO many hours of watching YouTube tutorials and information videos. SO many hours of just looking at pictures on Google images and wondering why I can't have beautiful curls. And nothing works. I have attached some photos of my disgusting hair for reference. I think its 3B, but I can never really tell. I almost never shampoo it. I've currently been using Shea Moisture Curl and Shine conditioner. I use a hairbrush in the shower to brush it through. I put it up in a t-shirt for a while, then take it out, brush out the knots, and apply some sort of oil. I will put it up in a bun until I'm done getting ready/ready to leave the house. If I don't, it turns into a giant, fuzzy, triangular afro. I am constantly switching brands to find the one that works for me, and none of them have. Don't get me started on the way I part my hair. It's hideous and it needs to be fixed. But I can never find the correct way of parting my hair. I almost always wear my hair in a bun because I am ashamed of how I look. That, or I am sick of people only knowing me as "the girl with the big hair." I just want to be me. Not my big, fluffy hair. In the video I have attached is my DREAM HAIR. I have tried endless times to follow her styling instructions and my hair never turns out the same. I hate my hair. It makes me feel disgusting and ugly. It is taking a toll on my mental health; I can never stop thinking about it or being paranoid about what it looks like. It's all I ever think about. I'm tired of hating the way I look. Someone please help!

xo, Kyra

Answer

Your hair is everything. I had to start off with that first because you need to hear it and really listen to what I said. I see you and your pain and I appreciate you reaching out to us to share what is bothering you as many other young women face the same challenges and concerns. Here are a few pointers that should ease your pain along with giving you the dream hair you desire.

Try a cut

No one is saying to chop it off but rather give some shape to your hair. Seeking a curl specialist will help you on several levels because not only can they help you with the perfect cut to give you less volume and less frizz but they can aid in styling and hair products you may enjoy. You can find a curl stylist here.

Try a cream styler and/or serum

You said you only add oil to your hair but it seems you need a styler to help tame the volume you do not care for. A cut will help with "debulking" or removing your hair’s pyramid shape, but a styler will also help to calm the frizz and volume.  Take a look over at this year’s Editors' Choice for our favorites. AG Hair Cosmetics Smoothing Balm and SheaMoisture Raw Shea Butter Reconstructive Finishing Elixir (I love this stuff) may help in fighting the frizz you are seeing. Also make sure to use moisturizing products from shampoos to conditioners to styler to aid in calming down frizz. I know you’ve tried quite a few products so let the curl stylist help in finding some brands that will work for you.

The less you manipulate your hair after you wash it, the better. Make sure your hair is fully detangled before applying your moisturizer, leave-in conditioner, and/or oil. Brushing your hair after you wash it is only inducing frizz.

Don’t let hair envy make you hate your hair

Many of us have hair or curl envy but when it turns to hating your own hair then it is damaging to you. The video you shared is a popular one of a vlogger with amazing hair but you have amazing hair too. Don’t let someone else make you feel any less beautiful and know her routine and products may not fare well with you. We all have hair envy occasionally, but just as the grass isn’t always greener, your own grass will grow so much better if you tend to it more than worrying about someone’s else’s. Those just means focus less on others and more on your own tresses and begin to see a huge difference in the upcoming weeks.

Talk to someone

We do not want you hating your hair or yourself to the point of feeling hopeless, so talk to someone whether it is a friend, family member or even your curl stylist to fix the problem and move forward in a positive and productive way. Get out of your negative feeling and onto a path where you can make some real change in the right direction for your hair. Your hair is beyond gorgeous and with a few tweaks you will be out of that bun and into a freedom from frizz and volume in no time.

Do you sometimes hate your hair? Tell us below.