Okay, so um...y'all know my official title here is "Copywriter", right?

As in, it's not "Makeup Artist"?

Grace might have done well to keep that in mind when she asked me to do an Anti-Valentine's Day look for her on our YouTube channel. I actually have a boothang for the first time this Heart Day, but I still decided to take out my residual bitterness on someone else for once.

April stands behind Grace caressing her shoulders as Grace looks uncomfortable and an image of Darth Vader pops up

Grace assumed something more goth, or vampy was going to go down, but my goals for her Anti-Valentine's look were more along the lines of zombification. After all, the opposite of love isn't love in black eyeliner, it's apathy. And what creature of the night gives fewer effs than a zombie? They don't want your heart, they're only after your braaaaaaains. Besides, turning people into the walking dead is literally my heritage. How hard could it be, right? Right? Mm, well.

Pretty much everything started going south after I did her waterline.

Grace looks at the camera and tries to smile with her smudged red eyeliner

I mean...how do you even get someone's eyelids to move for you?

Actually a lot of my mistakes were just due to not thinking of color theory. Grace and I are...somewhat different in skintone, and shades that would make ME look "slightly off" shockingly enough stood out much more against her skin. Go figure. It seems obvious now, but when I was mapping out what I'd use at the time, our skintone differences literally did not cross my mind even once.

"I don't see color," am I right?

No, I'm not, I was actually very wrong. See for yourself!

Let's see, I probably used all the wrong brushes for all the wrong things, put her bottom lashes on upside down (meep!), didn't blend properly, mm. Call this the cow pie exhibit because it was kind of a...manure show.

Grace in her final look with an added scarf and slicked back hair

As an aside, these results are why it's worth it to hire professionals. I know a lot of makeup artist gripes include their customers asking why their services cost so much when it's "just makeup". Meanwhile, I'm over here with a complete inability to draw a straight line, or compensate for lighting, or mix shades and what have you. If it's cheaper to just do things yourself, do so, but this was HARD for me as an ameteur, so I gained even more respect than I already had for the people whose job it is to make others look their best (or their most dead).

You may not believe it, but my intentions really were pure!

I just wanted to give Grace kind of a zombie-chic look that'd make her exterior match her cold, dead interior. The problem is that I have no earthly idea what I'm doing. It's too bad that my good intentions sent Grace straight down the road to Makeup Hell, but at least she forgave me. Meanwhile I'm looking forward to applying what I've learned here to my next victim, er, volunteer!

Curlies, what are your Valentine's Day plans besides roasting me in the comments section? Let us know (and be gentle)!