Photo by Juan Manuel Merino on Unsplash

Triggers. They are something that we all have, although, I must say that since I’ve personally being putting forth the concerted effort to get to the root of some of mine so that I can deactivate them (which boils down to figuring out how to find ways to not let them get to me as much), life has been so much more peace-filled. It’s great.

That’s what we’re gonna explore today. The reason why is because, I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who has days when my hair pisses me all the way off — sometimes to the point where it can shift my focus, in a negative way, all throughout the day, if I’m not careful. If your hair emotionally triggers you and you know it, I just want to take out a moment to offer up a few suggestions on how you can stop that from being a regular occurrence — for your hair’s sake as well as your peace of mind.

1. Get to Know Your Hair Type, Texture and Porosity

I’m here to tell you from very up close and personal experience that if you don’t make the time to understand what your personal hair type, texture and porosity are, you are going to stay frustrated on your hair journey because these three things play a direct role in how you care for your hair in order for you to keep it healthy and retain length. While it’s easy to assume that you know what these things are based on what you may have heard someone else say, please devote a couple of hours to doing some thorough research; especially since it’s not uncommon to have more than one type/texture at the same time. To get you started on your journey, we’ve got an article on our platform entitled, “Seriously. What is Hair Type?!” that can help to give you a few ah-ha moments. Also, YouTube is full of women who can offer up some great insights. Angela C Styles (here), lyda Michael (here) and Breanna Rutter (here) are just a few curly haired naturalistas who can effectively assist in pointing you into the right direction.

2. Celebrate What You Know

Knowledge is power, right? Know what else? When it comes to getting information on what your hair is all about, that is a call for a true celebration! Hit up YouTube again to search for women in your hair tribe who have a similar type, texture and porosity as yours to see what kind of hair products to invest in (less is more on the product tip, by the way). Next, take a picture and post it on your socials to let people know what your type/texture/porosity is and that you are learning how to fall in love with it more and more every day (I guarantee you that some of your followers will join into the conversation which can be the best kind of ego boost and form of affirmation). Purchase some hair accessories that will perfectly accentuate your hair. Treat yourself and your hair to a scalp massager, so that you can relax more as your hair and scalp can get the pampering that it needs and deserves. Real talk, sometimes, we get more triggered than we should because we focus more on what we don’t like about something than what we do (hair is not exempt). By putting forth the concerted effort to literally praise, revel in and bless your hair — you’ll be amazed how quickly it can put your mind, body and spirit into a much better space.

3. Accept That Envy Is Futile (and a Total Waste of Time)

My goddaughters are bi-ethnic, so their hair texture basically lands somewhere in “2” world (loose waves) while my hair is mostly between 3c and 4a and b. Every time my older godchild wants to get some cornrows, she gets frustrated because, due to her hair’s texture, they don’t last very long. Meanwhile, when I was around her age, I remember having moments when I would literally wear a towel on my head in order to look like I had hair like her. Moral to the story — we were blessed with what we were blessed with. There is beauty in all hair types, there is purpose in why we have the kind that we do which means it makes absolutely no sense to wish that your hair was different than what it naturally is. Because I promise you that some of the very things that you are complaining about, someone somewhere is wishing that they could experience. Guaranteed.

4. Take “Some Time Off” from Your Locks

Something that isn’t addressed, nearly enough, is that our “connection” to our hair is much like any other kind of relationship — there are good days and there are bad days. There are times when we’re all about putting a lot of effort in and then there are times when we just need a break. Whether you are transitioning from chemically straightened (or color-treated) hair to your natural locks, you are trying to grow your hair out or you’re just having a moment when you feel a bit of a “disconnect” as far as your hair is concerned, there is no time like the present to book an appointment with a reputable stylist to put your hair into a protective style. I recently got some twists and when I tell you that they are one of the best things to happen to me because, with all that I have going on, my hair is the last thing that I want to be thinking about right now…whew. Besides, I know me. After a couple of months, I’m going to be more than happy to get them out and focus on styling my hair again. Right now, though, I need a break — so that I can decompress and my hair can get a bit of rest from styling manipulation too. A win/win all the way around.

5. Stop Trying to Control What You Can’t

A wise person once said, “If you try to control everything, and then worry about the things you can’t control, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and misery.” That said, if you’re really honest with yourself, it’s easy to see that, at least 7 times out of 10, the cause of your hair “emotionally triggering you” is you wanting to control something about it that you simply cannot. So, whether it’s a bad hair day, you wishing something about your hair was different than it is or you can’t wait until you have the time or money to do something different to it — resolve in your mind to control ONLY what you can control. Believe me when I say that surrendering to this alone is a total gamechanger — and definitely a “hair trigger” deactivator.