As our coils, curls and kinks grow, some of us may find ourselves experiencing feelings we never had with straight hair. If at any point you were confused about them keep reading to see if they fit into any of the categories below and get a free hair therapy session.
Natural Hair Therapy
Hairdresser-a-phobia
The fear of having ones hair styled by a hairdresser.
Diagnosis:
Oh look it’s a hairdresser! If that phrase made you break out in a cold sweat and look for the nearest exit then you may just have hairdresser-a-phobia. This syndrome is a newly diagnosed one and stems from the horrifying stories of hairdressers who did many a curly wrong. Once stories started to circulate the natural hair forums about hairdressers who detangled from roots to end on dry hair, used no heat protectant before frying their client’s hair and took naturals from bra strap length to TWA it seemed curlies everywhere began to become weary of stylists who clearly had no clue about how to care for our hair. But what really sealed the deal was when curlies began to speak up about sly hairdressers who texturized their hair under the guise of a “conditioning treatment’. After that, many naturals vowed to never set foot in a salon again.
Treatment:
Whilst the fear of an untrained hairdresser is valid we need to understand that not all hairdressers are alike. There are plenty of well-trained stylists who have made great efforts to become knowledgeable about our unique hair types and learn how to style our hair. Research is very important when entrusting your hair into the hands of a stylist so prior to booking your appointment go on forums and ask curlies who does their hair? Also, make sure you have a consultation with your stylist before your appointment so that you have the opportunity to grill them to find out if they know what they’re doing.
Hand in hair syndrome
The inability to stop playing with your fro.
Diagnosis:
If some of our fros could talk they would probably tell us to quit playing around with them. A twist out today, a braid out tomorrow and my package just arrived so even though I washed and styled it this morning I’ve got to wash and restyle this afternoon. It can sometimes be too much. Some naturals just have this love affair with their hair- myself included. But even I recognize that at times I need to back away from the mirror and put the denman brush down to save my poor strands.
Treatment:
First you need to recognise that playing around with your hair too much can damage it so if you just can’t resist then try putting it in a protective style for a while to give it a break.
Product Junkyism/ Hoarding
The impulsive buying or stockpiling of natural hair care products
Diagnosis:
Look, you know yourself. You’re the curly who has converted her hall closet into the product closet and the one whose products have now spilled over into her husband’s side of the bathroom cabinets. You can’t help but browse the hair aisle of any store you go into and you’re always on the prowl for a product to experiment with. If there is nothing you haven’t tried then you’re a product junky.
A hoarder, unlike a product junky, buys a lot of or massive amounts of the same product. If you have enough of your favorite products to see you well into your old age and could even start up your own beauty supply store with what you already have then you may just suffer from this.
Treatment:
Frankly, I can’t judge because I know that if I lived in the US and had access to all the natural hair care products I’d probably be broke right now. I’d be homeless, but I’d have the flyest hair there ever was. So you know what? As long as you can pay your bills then continue to experiment. Trying new products ‘just because’ is probably the best part about being natural.
As for the hoarding, if you know that should your favorite product be discontinued you’d have a large enough stash to hold you over for a year or two then consider yourself ahead of the game. But if industrialized sized bottles of product grow dust in your cupboards, because you have since moved on, then you might want to save your money and invest in smaller sizes.
Blog and YouTube-atitis
The constant need to be plugged into the online natural hair community
Diagnosis:
If there isn’t a blog you don’t know about, a YouTube channel you’re not subscribed to, a forum you haven’t joined and you were present from beginning to end of the natural hair drama with the 200-plus page forum thread; then you may be in too deep and suffer from Blog and YouTube-atitis. But you can’t be blamed since the natural hair world can be addictive. You begin to check out what’s new on one blog and YouTube channel and just a few clicks later hours have passed. Plus with the constant emergence of new YouTubers and bloggers there is always someone or something new to see.
Treatment:
I know it’s hard but if YouTube and blog surfing is taking you away from school work, sleep or life in general then you need to learn to moderate your time spent in the online curly world. So if you need to, time yourself and learn when to say when.
Guru Obsession
The unnatural infatuation with a natural hair guru
Diagnosis:
It seems like some of you have studied some of the popular natural gurus for years, have advanced degrees in them, and have become the leading expert in their lives. If a guru’s name is mentioned and you can, off the top of your head, give a books-worth of personal information about them with names and dates then you may have passed general curiosity and wandered into the realm of stalking. If you reach for a pen and paper to take notes when watching YouTube vlog videos you might just be obsessed. Don’t get me wrong, I love my gurus just as much as the next natural for their creative videos or drool worthy hair but knowing their favorite brand of deodorant, how they take their coffee, or if they prefer boxers or briefs is a bit too much.
Treatment:
While I can’t tell you what activities to engage in during your free time let me advise you to love from a far and return those dark sunglasses and trench coat.
Hair Envious
A serious case of hair lust and envy to the point of insanity.
Diagnosis:
Raise your hands if you ever had thoughts of shaving off a natural’s hair in her sleep and making your own personal wig from it. Don’t be ashamed we’ve all had those thoughts at some point. However, if you have already mapped out your route to said naturals house, have a floor plan of her home and have the wig maker on standby then you definitely have a serious case of hair envious. But I can’t really fault you, some naturals have hair that would have you contemplating sacrificing your first born for their volume, shine, definition and overall awesomeness.
Treatment:
Go to your nearest mirror. When you get there look into it and look at yourself through the eyes of someone with unwavering self-esteem and self-acceptance. Then acknowledge the fact that your hair is beautiful because it is the best version of itself that it can be. While some women may be blessed with certain enviable hair characteristics it doesn’t take away from the fact that your hair is gorgeous.
While this post is highly exaggerated for giggles I’m sure we can all admit to suffering, from time to time, with at least one of the “syndromes” above. My name is NaturallyChelsea and I suffer with Hand in Hair Syndrome. What do you suffer with?
MORE: How To Deal: Hair Envy
