I recently wrote a piece on why I hate my hair right now. It was hard to write and share with others and I even felt like I was doing something wrong! As I was writing, I started to see things so clearly, much more than before. I changed my ways and found that the root of it all was self-love. I used to get so frustrated when someone would say "they practice self-love". It shouldn't be a practice, it should come naturally. Meanwhile, I was beating myself down every day about my hair. Being kind to yourself takes WORK and unfortunately, the world around us does not support embracing beauty just the way we are. My hair has changed and that is that. Instead of trying to compare myself to others, use every volumizing product out there, or fight the way my hair, I finally decided to embrace it.
My hair is thin on top and I'm still SO fine!
I have started complimenting myself every morning, especially my hair. No matter what the positive comment is related to, it helps me start my day (and mind) off on the right note. I won't ever be able to take a compliment from others if I don't even know how to compliment myself. It's fun and has really helped boost my self-confidence about my thinner hair. I find that I am the hardest on myself in the morning because that's when I'm looking at myself most. I stopped meditating at night and started morning sessions which have helped me significantly! It's helped me clear out all the stress that starts to pile into my thoughts about the day ahead.
I can't change the fact that my hair thinned. It's there and will take time to grow back. What I can change though is how I take care of my mind and body. I started taking advantage of the gym membership that my company pays for (I regret to inform you I have had the membership since October), and not only that, but I also started to eat foods that make me feel good. I still eat french fries because, well...we have a thing, but I want to get as many nutrients as I can from my food as possible. I supplement with some vitamins when and where I can and even started reading up on the ones that are good for hair and scalp health (I hope to provide you all with more information on these soon)!
Where are all my real life curly girls on Instagram?! I love when I see an account post a picture of their hair when it's raining, or curls piled on top of their head in a bun because today they "can't". I hope that we can all start having a real conversation about hair. I know we read it time and time again, but it's so easy to see everyone having amazing hair days EVERY DAY on Instagram and that is just not reality. Instead of drooling over someone's perfect locks, I decided to start engaging with those accounts in a positive way by offering up a compliment. After I comment on their picture, I offer myself a compliment as well. Not only does it open up a dialogue with other curly girls, but it also has taught me how to have those conversations with myself. For me right now, it's about turning inward and working with what I have. I have made a promise to myself that I will start taking more selfies. (Say what you will about the selfie, but on days when I am not feeling it, I am taking that selfie!) I acknowledge and allow myself to feel a little down, but I make sure that I say something about myself in that picture that is absolutely stunning. Bad days are a part of the process, but maintaining that self-love is just as important.
Product & stylist overload -- you do YOU.
I am no longer letting myself feel like I have to do things a certain way with my hair. No more comparing and no more scolding myself about a product that I want to use. I have an undying love for Bumble and Bumble thickening spray and beach spray. For my day two hair, I used to always use the beach spray to liven up my curls and give me some volume. I've missed it and haven't touched it in two years because there are chemicals in that product that "aren't good" for my curls. Well, just like I don't deny myself french fries I decided not to deny myself a product that I enjoy so much. I did invest in the Build Up Blaster from DevaCurl and have been using that once a week to be sure my scalp is getting the proper care. I want to use products that work for my hair and in return, I will love my hair with how I care for it. I am obsessed with deep conditioning and have found it to be a huge part of my weekly self-care routine. Also, head massages… if you aren't doing this you should start. These stimulate the scalp and allow for better hair growth. As apart of my hair love journey, I also unfollowed some Instagram accounts that I felt were pushing a product at me regularly. It's fun to see what others are using, but sometimes too many product tests give me anxiety over whether I am doing my hair properly.
With my hair lacking volume on top I felt like it was time for a change. I started researching cuts not based on the volume I thought I should have, but on styles that would work with my new set of curls. I felt pressured for years to find a stylist that "specializes" in curly cuts or DevaCurl cuts. That pressure made me avoid people who knew my hair! My stylist doesn't use hair products just for curls, she doesn't only cut certain curl patterns, and she isn't going to cut every single curl in the exact way it should be. What she has is zero fear of my hair. Far too often a stylist gets in front of my curls and is too afraid to do anything with them. My stylist listened to me! I have seen her in the past and loved how she styled my hair and as soon I saw her again she was able to recognize all of the changes. That is a good stylist. We sat down and went over the issues I was experiencing and she made sure to point out the positives. She pointed out my new hair growth and helped me decide on a cut that would bring out my curls and would work with my lack of volume. The minute she started cutting my dry curls I felt a wave of confidence come over me. Now I have a cut that makes me feel so good about my hair. Does it work every day? Nah. But does it make me excited to get my hair done instead of dreading the outcome? Yes, and that's all that matters.
I am lucky to have curls because in my mind no two curls are the same no matter whose head they are on. All of us wavy and curly girls are so blessed with AH-mazing hair. Through this whole process of loving and hating my hair, I have realized that it is so important for us to all talk about the struggles we have. We see successes every day on social media and we know what is obviously working for people. What we need to see more of is the conversations about hair loss, about stress, about self-love, and about embracing who we are the way that we are! Someone said to me recently that it feels so vain to be worried about their hair and hair loss or to discuss it in the open and we both agreed it most certainly is not. It is a part of you and a lot of times we identify ourselves with our hair. Talk about it and share your story with others no matter what part of the journey you are on. You should own that beautiful head of curls or waves no matter how difficult it is being.
How you do practice hair self-love? Let us know below!