On a date, someone asked me why I didn't have 3a curls like another woman we knew. Consequently, I grew insecure.
Only recently I returned to my natural hair. When I started embracing my natural hair I got some insecurities when it came to dating. During my transitioning process, I had many bad hair days. The insecurity only worsened when one guy asked whether I "would have" 3a curls like my other women have. Consequently, I dealt with insecurities when it came to my love life. I am sharing some thoughts I used to have.
"How will he react when he sees me with my satin bonnet on?"
This is just a thought that pops up when I look into the mirror while putting my satin scarf on. Should we worry about him seeing this? I say no, not at all. A potential boo should accept you for who you are, not for what you wear before going to bed in the comfort of your own home. Although on some occasions, it's a nice treat to dress up for him wink, do what makes you feel good.
“If I skipped a wash day, what will he think of my frizzy hair?”
Frizz is part of curly hair: we cannot change it, but we can embrace it. Washing your hair daily will solely result in you stripping your hair. This increases the frizz. But why would you adjust something what is simply part of your appearance for someone else? Frizz is beautiful; you should rock your big hair!
“Does he like my curl pattern?”
In the past, we have learned that straight hair is beautiful and curly kinky hair is not. Many of us have developed the perception that our kinky hair isn't beautiful. The ignorance of others only worsens this perception. We shouldn't worry too much about what makes us different from someone else. Our hair is unique and we should embrace it.
“I should probably straighten my hair before our first date."
Whatever you do, do not straighten your hair for the first date. You are a goddess rocking her marvellous curls and coils. You shouldn't hide your uniqueness, especially on the first date.
My point is...
That, as naturals, many of us worry about what our potential significant other thinks of our natural hair. As a consequence, we decide to hide our gorgeous curls by pulling them into a bun or even heat straightening. I say, don't be nervous. Your hair is only one beautiful feature of your appearance. Bring your smile and just enjoy your date!
Photography by Shauntelle Sposto, follow her on Instagram