YES, I'm thin, and YES I do eat. More than you, probably. NO, I don't work out all the time. I was born this way. Get over it. You do not need to point out the obvious EVERY TIME YOU SEE ME (you couldn't handle it if I returned the favor). And don't monitor my eating when I am in front of you. I'm full damn it! I might have just eaten. Do yourself a favor and stop trying to make correlations and "figure out" how I got to be so thin. Here's an idea--keep your eyes on your own plate. Perhaps you can "figure out" your own food issues, mmmkay?

Don't do me any favors by letting me know that my a$$ isn't big enough for you! So what? Entertain the thought that I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot 'bout that?

Don't eff with my emotions, dude. I love you, but I can let you go. Today.

God only knows why I am friends with you. I have concluded that this deed will be my ticket into heaven, LOL. You've never been as good a friend to me as I am to to you. Yes, you are a very attractive man, but so what? I don't want to be with you. Get over yourself. Stop trying to convince me that I am unattractive. Why on earth would you need to do that? Number 1 it won't work, Number 2 its not true. It is not my fault that you are unhappy and insecure.

I love the both of you more than life itself, but please understand that neither of you are my role models. Its too bad that I had to go out and find people to show me how to live a fulfilling life (and not just exist). I'm sorry that this makes me a weirdo in your eyes. Once again, I love you, but I have many issues with the way you put these limitations in my head. Please understand that when I ask you for advice, it is just that. I don't have to accept or heed it. In fact, your put-downs and snide comments are the reason why I don't ask you for your input anymore. I am OK on my own.

Get to know me before you decide that I'm stuck up. I am not. I am not cosmopolitan, or cold or mean or materialistic or high maitenance or any of that. Who I am will surprise you. Yes, I'm a funny chick. But that is not all I do. Please understand that I will not be your dancing monkey every minute of the day. I am not perfect, so please don't expect that. I am a person with feelings and needs. Sorry.

Don't come into my life and try to knock me off my pedestal. Yes, I have high self esteem, and there is nothing you can do to change that!

Yes, we were very good friends, but I no longer want to deal with you. You calling and pleading made it all worse. For all your sweetness, underneath you can be quite manipulative and needy. I don't care about your kids asking about me. I don't care that we had a bond. You just overstepped some lines, and I barely even knew you. I am not an ATM machine. I loved you as a friend, but when you started just automatically expecting things from me, that was the end of the line. And on top of all this, you had the nerve to criticize me! Nah, shorty. Maybe one day I will be ready to deal with you. Till then.....

When I walk into your establishment/work place, SAY HELLO (or something). If you are a business owner, do not hire ignorant-***ed people to deal with the public. It infuriates me to spend money anywhere where I'm treated like crap by some toothless heffa.

Ah....that felt good.
"Don't play me...I'm over 30, and I don't smoke weed"