When I was younger, I hated my hair too. I didn't know what to do with it. It was a big frizzy mess. It really was. I tried and tried and nothing made it look good.
I finally got to the point that I just gave up caring. I concentrated on makeup.
Then, I started slowly but surely learning different techniques that improved the look of my hair. My hairstylist taught me how to have smoother curls. Then I found products that I liked. I finally went on this site and found out some more techniques that has helped me tremendously.
Now, I love my curly hair. I would not have straight hair if someone paid me. Well, I guess it depends how much they pay me. LOL
Stick around and you'll find some techniques and products that will work for you. Ask questions, read, and then read some more. Good luck!

Now, onto your self-hatred. Yep, that's what I call it. All colors, all hairtypes, are beautiful. There are many straight haired people who complain that their hair is soooo thin and flat. There are curly haired people that complain about frizz. There's ways to fix what you have without radically transforming it.
I have learned through the years to love the person I am. I had self-esteem issues when I was younger, as well. Through loving myself more, I have appreciated others as well. By opening up your heart to yourself, you begin to open your heart to what's around you. Am I perfect? Heck no! Do I always have "good hair days"? No, but even my bad hair day isn't so bad anymore.
You are who you are. Don't be ashamed of it. Celebrate it!
That's right, I said it! I wear scrunchies!!

I am a sulfate washing, cone slabbing, curly lovin' s.o.b. The CG police haven't caught me yet.