I've decided not to mess with my hair too much. It turns out best that way. I've had several people at work ask me if I have curled/waved my hair. I reply.."nope, it's natural!". I know how frustrating it can be as well. Half the time it's wavy the other half it's pretty straight w/out any effort. You can't win...I can't win. After 26yrs I've come to accept it. I try not to use too many products. Lately I'm into Infusium, though it has 'cones. My 'poo and condish are 'cone free and that's what works best for me.
Good luck trying to find your calm place. We wavies all know the drill.