I just started reading this thread.. Only the last few pages and I can't help saying I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

It sounds like your mother is really your worst enemy-- if you can cut off communication with her for a while it would probably be best. You do not need someone cutting you down when you're trying to build yourself up. Is there any way to stand up to her?

You seem to know a but about the law of attraction. You know that what you believe you will a achieve. You MUST stop berating yourself!! You have lots of brilliant things about you and you need to see these things and focus on them!! Focus on the kind of job and employer who values these things.

Worrying is like praying for what you don't want-- stop worrying!!

Focus only on the good that you are.

Do not allow any poisonous thoughts into your head and DO NOT let your mom abuse you any more (thats what she's doing!)

Good luck and big hugs.