Random list of thoughts, very poorly organized:

Is he in public school and has he had any kind of evaluation? What does his pediatrician say? If he can have an evaluation and get some kind of plan in place, you can make one of the "rules" that the teacher reports about his behavior every day - this relieves him of the need to lie and you of having to depend on his iffy interpretation of the day. My daughter is six. She comes home with a folder every day. There's a calendar stapled to one side. Her "color" is marked every day. I'm told if there are a lot of yellows or a red, there will be a note as to why so you don't have to ask and the kid doesn't feel backed into a corner to lie. They have the same system through third grade, I think. It helps a lot. I know what happened and I can send a note back in the folder to get more info if I need it (or I can email, her teacher is fantastic about responding to email).

As for keeping up with his stuff, does all his stuff have a place? We have found things much easier now that my daughter has an "after school" spot - coat, shoes, school bag, lunch box, library books all go in the same place. It's right inside the door. We don't have to hunt things because those things live there. Same with clothes - there's a hamper in her room. We don't have to track down pajama bottoms or uniform shirts because they all go in HER hamper. She seems to really LIKE knowing where everything goes and having very simple systems/habits for things. VERY simple but they make our lives so much easier.

If I think she's going to be tempted to lie about something, I don't ask "did you forget to blah blah blah" - I tell her what I know (I see you didn't put away your toys last night) and tell her what to do about it (you need to put them all in the yellow basket in your room now). It seems to eliminate a whole lot of lying to save face or avoid punishment. At the end of it, what I want is for her to put her stuff away. "Catching her in a lie" on top of it isn't going to do anything except create another situation I have to punish for.

Does he do well with simple routines and habits? I find that eliminates a lot of chaos and fighting.

Does he get plenty of time outside to be wild and get rid of pent up energy? What is his diet like?

I would really try to figure out what the core of the issue is. It sounds like he is easily over loaded with input and chaos. Soccer may not be his sport. Something individual like running or swimming might be better. He may really be dealing with things he can't help and forcing him into provoking situations won't help him get better about dealing, they'll just continue to over load his already maxed out system.

If he does well with video games - maybe it's because they require total attention and problem solving. Does he also like things like Lego and building/strategy toys and games? He may need that quiet concentration to sort of calm down from the day.

I hope you find something that helps. Talk to his pediatrician and if you think he needs an eval, put it in writing. There may be things they can do for him in the classroom so that he's not SO over stimulated and maxed out on input but the system is not fast. A good teacher will start to work with you BEFORE you have an IEP or 504 (different districts seem to weight one or the other more heavily) in place.

Good luck!
Originally Posted by CGNYC
Trying to answer as many questions here -

Yes he's in public school. In Kindergarten he was evaluated by the ACES program and was observed in class and had one on one time with a counselor thru that program weekly, that seemed to help - but funding was dramatically cut to that program and it is full this year with kids that "are worse than he is" as they put it. Nice, huh.

I haven't addressed this yet with his pediatrician - that is next week and I will be asking for an evaluation with a child psychologist that may be able to identify ADHD or some other type of processing disorder.

His teacher emails us sometimes and sometimes doesn't. We've stressed the importance of communication with her so I truly hope she isn't just dropping the ball here.

His stuff has a place and always has. He has a bucket in his room for shoes, his own hamper, and he knows his stuff goes to his room. It just doesn't always make it there without me taking it myself because he is all over the place. He doesn't seem to care that his stuff has it's own spot.

I wish I could identify when he's "tempted to lie" but he has lied to me straight faced when I already knew the truth and if I didn't know it already, I would've believed him. So I can't tell when he's lying or not. He's an excellent liar.

He seems to work better on structure - like bedtime is bedtime, period, it's always been 8 to 8:30 and he sleeps like a rock at the end of each day, like it just exhausts him to live. He does get to run around - he has soccer practice once a week, he has a big yard at his dad's house, but at mine I feel like he gets shorted a bit because we live in a crappy neighborhood in a trailer park with 15 feet between us and the next trailer and not a lot of room to move. Our evenings seem so hurried sometimes when I don't get him picked up till 5:30 then it's dinner-shower-review schoolwork-bedtime all so fast. Weekends are more relaxed and fun. His diet is like that of an average 7 year old picky eater. Not horribly unhealthy but not vegan or fruits and veggies 24/7 either.

He LOVES soccer and begged to play it so I think he enjoys it, just doesn't know how to/doesn't have the capacity to play well with others yet. It's ironic to me because I've never seen him have a meltdown in an actual game - maybe because he has a goal he's working towards? Not sure.

He does do well with Legos - he got a racecar lego set for Easter and sat down and flipped through the booklet and built the car all by himself by reading the instructions. His mind just works that way, I guess. He was also uninterrupted while building it.

My about to turn 5 yr. old has some difficulties as well. I do identify with your "he has to learn the hard way" statement.

Have you looked at books about sensory integration issues in children? Maybe an evaluation by an Occupational Therapist may help. Also, consider a Montessori-based environment and/or homeschooling to provide the structure he needs.

We're also eliminating dairy. Because we're combining that with other behavioral modifications, I can't say that it's helped, but I do notice that his asthma has been triggered much less.
Originally Posted by webjockey

I have read up on symptoms of ADHD and grew up with an ADHD younger brother and it all seems to fit my son. I know less about sensory integration but his thing about hearing and noise and "headaches" while distracted bugs me. We have no Montessori based schools around here (SMALL town 50 minutes away from a Target even) and homeschooling is not an option as both of us parents work full time, his stepmom works full time, my SO works full time and none of us can afford to give that up. Nor do I have the patience it requires to be an effective teacher. I wish I could afford to put him in our private catholic school here just to see if it's structured differently and would make a difference but I barely crack the poverty limits and unfortunately cannot.

I'm interested in what his pedi has to say next week.
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