My mother is loving 50 Shades. She thinks it's fantastic.

Screw it. I'm going to find the Spanish translation of the smuttiest piece of BDSM erotica I own and give it to her. I will translate it myself if I have to, but I cannot allow someone I know irl--even my own mother--to be titillated by f'ing 50.
Eres o te haces?