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Flippit 08-06-2004 06:22 PM

The woes of a Wavie.
Now let me state upfront that my wavy hair has been looking great since I started coming here. But boy is it a lot of work. I had decided to stop blowdrying my hair straight for the summer because it's just too hot. But now I find I need to use the blowdrier (with a diffuser) in order to have decent wavy hair too! If I don't blowdry at least halfway, my wave pattern is limp. So I'm spending just as much time--if not more--styling my hair wavy as I was when I was styling it straight.

Then, when I do achieve nice waves, I can't touch my hair, run my fingers through it, lean my head on anything...without disrupting the wave pattern and turning into a limp, frizzy mess. Heck, I can't even shake my head hard! So frustrated! And forget second day hair. It never happens when I go "au naturale". My curl pattern's just not strong enough to last through sleeping, even on a satin pillow.

Sometimes I feel ready to just give up but then thanks to great products like the Jessicurl stuff, I have an awesome hair day and think, "Maybe I don't need to move my head to be happy in life..." Sigh.

Anyone else frustrated by the woes of a wavie?

Starrynite719 08-06-2004 09:35 PM

Frusturated is an understatement..

I just don't even know what to do with my hair anymore! :?
I tried CG and it looked good for like a week and then looked like crap.. I go back to shampoo and it still looks like crap.. I am just feeling soo frusturated.

And then if my hair does look decent and might have a few curls.. then its extremely frizzy.. there is like no in between with my hair. And its fine so I'm always trying not to weigh it down too much..

Flippit: When I sleep my hair gets ruined also.. I wake up and its everywhere!! :roll:

I am trying to accept my wavy/curly hair.. but its really hard when it always looks consistently good when I straighten it.. sigh.. i just don't even know what to do anymore.. :(

Flippit 08-06-2004 10:15 PM


When I sleep my hair gets ruined also.. I wake up and its everywhere!!
Yeah I totally sympathize. I hate washing my hair every day, or even getting it wet every day, but when I wear it wavy there's no way I can do second day hair. When it's straight, I can go two days easily, sometimes even 3 days in the winter.

Sometimes I consider getting a perm to tighten up my waves into a full curl.

Chelle 08-06-2004 10:53 PM

I'm with ya' and yes, I have many times considered a perm to get more body and curl to my hair. If I had "wavy" hair like Spider or Luck06 I would be very happy but I have inconsistent wavy hair that generally likes to look disheaveled not lay in nice big waves.

And no doubt my curly hair is just as much if not more work than straight hair......and what is really irritating about it is that my straighter hair is much more predictable than the curly. If I blow dry it straight and add curls I *know* what it is going to turn out like but if I diffuse it I can only *hope* that it doesn't look like a rats nest.

I was looking at a Celebrity Hairstyles magazine this evening and it has lots of curly pics in it but almost all of them (even if they are naturally curly) are done with a curling iron :?

In the old days I used to blow dry on high upside down, add some curls, pic it out, spray and I stress and think about my hair all the time.


eastcoastwaves 08-07-2004 08:41 AM


will keep everyone posted on "Perfect Wavy Product Search '04".
These are the things I know for sure:
Wavies are not straight, wavies are not curlies, wavies are sometimes straight and sometimes curly depending on the weather and time of day. Wavy hair almost NEVER looks the same way twice...EVER. This is frustrating in that a product that makes your hair look good one day but not the next. A curl enhancer may woek great one day when your haie decides it is in a 'curly" mood, but the next day it may want to be sraight and the sme product will look gunky & dirty. One day a light leave in may produce full sof waves...add some hunidity next day & you have uncontrollable frizz. wavy hair is extremely sensitive to over/under conditioning and improper use of styling products. Wavy hair can look amazing, but often due to some cleansing/conditioning/styling/meteoralogical imbalance it can also look like hell. wavy haie probably has more "bad hair days" that straight ore true curlies bechuase our hair is largely schzophrenic, two-faced & generally unreliable. People with wavy hair have to have a great sense of humor. Wavy haired people have to be able to adapt at a moment's notice and accept change, because our hair can, and will go from curly to wavy to pin straight just by adding or removing a ponytail elastc or barrette. I think the best wavies can hope for is a styling cream with NO hold, no silicone, no protien that will define & defrizz our waves yet leave one able to run one's fingers completely through it without creating a heap of frizz. I don't know much, but Damnit, I know my hair. Here's hoping someone out there will be creative like jJss McGuinty and develop a line just for wavies...maybe "Wonderful Waves". who knows. one can hope though.

eastcoastwaves 08-07-2004 09:09 AM

I, for one, an tired of trying to be something I am not. My hair is not straight. My hair is not curly. My hair is not consistent. My hair is my hair. I do not want to be constantly trying to make my hair do things it is not meant to do. Sometimes people criticize curlies for blowing out their curls all the time & using straightening balms and flatirons. The same for straighties who repeatedly get perms to be curly. I think I as a wavy am the biggest faker of all, for we are constantly either straightening our waves & trying desperately to keep it from frizzing up, or be are loading on curl enhancing products or forgoing washing our hair and sleeping with our hair in certain 'positions all to make it look curly (which it is NOT). We put ourselves through the most hell because we are in neither category and we don't know what to do with our hair. If you are awavy then you already know that your hair is schizophrenic, you can be a bouncy curly girl one day and a sleek straighty the next, and a pouffy fuzz ball more often than not. Did you ever notice that a straighty is usually always straight, and a curly is usually always curly? (more or less, ther are some exceptions as I am sure will be brought to my attention) I am throwing in the towel. I WANT to move my head, I WANT to touch my hair, I WANT my children to youch my hair, I really want my husband to touch my hair, i WANT to sleep on my hair & not worry about it. Thanks to you wonderful women i have discovered the value in becoming ingredient literate when it comes to hair care products, and I am learning constantly through other's experiences and advice. I have decided i am not worrying about my hair anymore. I am commited to using the best product ingredient-wise to cleanse and condition and deep-treat my hair. I am no longer going to use more than one tyling product on my hair or attempt to contort it into styles and textures that it is not meant to be. I am freeing my waves. freeing them to be what they are and to keep them as healthy as possible. if i have a frizzy day I will not be dousing my hair in products or diffusing or moulding anything. i am putting it in a ponytail. My hair will not be more important than my life. I am only speaking for myself, I do not presume to speak for anyone else, wavy-haired or otherwise, so please do not be offended. I will always love to try a new product, but I'm slowly identifying what my hair needs...a leave in conditioning-type that will help controll the frizz & create some shine & define loosely, but NEXT-TO-NO HOLD. For me, hold = bad hair. because my hair changes so much throughout the day, hold is counter-effective. If i use a product with lots of hold in it, mu hair will "appear" curly in the morning, but through the day if i tuck my hair behind my ears or touch it or put it up, my hair looks horrible, really horrible. stringy - half & half & gross. My hair needs to be free to switch personalities through the day, and so far, no holding products have helped, they may look great for awhile, but it is short lived. I find the leave in conditioners tend to be more what I need. I am soooo excited to find out that jessicurls new cream product will be!!!!!! anyway, I am done my catharsis, if you have read this entire rant, please treat yourself to a cookie or some ice cream, you deserve it!

Mip 08-07-2004 10:12 AM

My hair is curly/wavy. It's definitely wavy at the back, but the sides are loose curly, with tighter curls at the very front. This is a source of some irritation to me, as when I was a little Mip, I had 3B hair. Yes, fellow hair didn't go curlier at puberty as it did for so many of went straighter and slowly got straighter throughout my teens. It's my fault really - I spent many years hoping and wishing for straight hair.

My hair is definitely a very long way from straight though, whatever I do with it. My main aim is to achieve maximum curliness. I straightened my hair once, and it really didn't suit me.

I completely agree that wavy hair never looks the same two days running. My hair can look sophisticated, or glamourous, or sexy, or cute, or wild or neat (or just awful), but I'm not able to pick the look I want - my hair decides for me.

I am able to do second day though! This is a fairly recent thing for me. If you wake up and your hair looks dodgy, don't automatically soak it with water. Instead, put a shower cap on and have your shower as normal. Then get handfuls of water and damp down your hair and use a bit of gel to scrunch. Any frizzy areas, or areas you want re-shaping - just wet them and put some gel on. I get really good results from doing that, and it makes my hair curlier. It doesn't take long at all, you aren't walking around with wet hair for ages, and you get the 'finished look' straight away. When you soak your hair, in my experience anyway, it can take until my hair is totally dry to see whether it's a disaster or not.

The back of my hair annoys me the most. It's just wavy and no amount of scrunching turns it into curls. The most I can do is aim for fullness and have lots of layers. Good definition also helps.

miacurl 08-07-2004 10:47 AM

East Coast Waves--you read my mind :)

Chelle 08-07-2004 12:48 PM


Originally Posted by miacurl
East Coast Waves--you read my mind :)

Ditto.........Eastcoast waves, I think you and I need to talk, we sound too much alike. I get complitments on my pictures but what people don't realize is that *most* of the time my hair does not look like that. Like you said, it will be nice and curly one day (like my pictures) and the next could be a frazzly ugly mess, and trying to force it to be curly every day was *so* frustrating.

This morning I tried to style my hair "curly", it carefully did it as to not mess up the curls and spent a fair amount of time diffusing and babying the hopeful curls on my head and you know what happened? It looked like the biggest, ugliest rats nest and felt so gross and grungy.........I could have just screamed. So, I stuck my head back in the but rinsed it ran some Detang. Rinse through it, blotted with a towel and then finger combed through some mousse, shook it and blow dried on high until 90% dry and then finsished the ends with a diffuser. My hair (some waves, some curls) turned out so much better. It was soft and full and wavy and had a life of its own. Like you said, I can finger comb it, touch it, let it blow and just let it be itself.

I dont' think my hair likes me to make a fuss over it, just dry it, add a few curls and let it go, that's what I used to do, I never stressed over my hair until I cam here :D I am glad that I have learned how to take better care of my hair though, hopefully it will be healthier from not using harsh sulfates daily and gentler styling products.

What leave in do you use for styling? and if you have ever looked at my pictures, is our hair similar?


eastcoastwaves 08-07-2004 03:04 PM


What leave in do you use for styling? and if you have ever looked at my pictures, is our hair similar?
I honestly have not found one product yet that I am %100 happy with. I am still in the process of letting go of all of the ideas in my head about how my hair "should look" and focusing now on how it should feel. I have ordered a beauty without cruelty revitalizing leave in recommended by wonderlywroughte (sp??) and i await Jessicurl's new product this fall, it sounds great. what I am doing now is shampooing every 2-3 days, depending on how sweaty my hair gets :wink: . I am using aveda sap moss shampoo which has no cones and no sulfates. it doesn't lather much, but more than most sulfate-free poos I've tried. I am really enjoying biolage conditioning balm, and i rinse it only half out. I have been experimenting with regular conditioners as leave ins until my bwc arrives. I take about a pea size ammt of aloeba or avalon lavender condish & mix with water in my palms, then rub my hands together to thin it out & distribute through my hair. then i may add a dot of rockin ringlets which is a sample and too expensive (17.50 plus taxes & shipping). No mater what i put in my hair after I shower product-wise My hair gets a bit fuzzy on the canpoy. There is nothing I can "add" that will make a difference, so i wait awhile til my hair is about %80 dry, they I sweep it up into a pony or a pony twist and leave it for awhile. when i take it down it is wavy & smooth & natural. if my hair frizzes up during the day, a pony twist for awhile works wonders for me...smooths it out while allowing my waves to so their own "random" thing. no product but leave in works hair feels soooooo soft! I love it!! next morning I put it up in the shower & when i'm dressed & eat etc I take out the pony twist & dampen the canopy & ends with a bit of water. THAT'S IT. back up into a twist or bun to dry for about 1/2 hr while i clean the kitchen etc, take it down & awesome smooth waveyness again!. same on day 3!!! I have looked at your pictures, my hair could look this curly but only with a lot of product & diffusing (I don't heat dry ever). I have to say, I love how my hair looks now more than ever because it feels so good, healthy, product-free & I can touch it, put it up, go out in the rain, whatever and just by putting it up ito a bun or twist it looks great product needed! except a leave in or a light...VERY light styler, maybe a dot of bouncy cream? Anyway, I'd love to get into more specifics but i'm hosting a b-day party soon and will check in later. This is my personal hair revolution, I am making the best of what nature gave me from now on, no fighting it, no trying to make it something it's not, and no spending ridiculously absurd ammonts of money on styling products that you wash out anyway! (I will always be a shampoo, condish & DT junkie though!!) . Complete detox. If it doesn't work, I don't want it. all of the crap under my sink is outta here, I have lots of curly & straight friends who would love it, and if it didn't work for me when I bought it, it won't work now, or 2 months down the road because guess what? My hair is not going to change. but the ammount of respect i show it has. (again, a HUGE thanks to this board for opening my eyes to the many intircacies of hair care product ingredients!)

miacurl 08-07-2004 08:01 PM

OMG--Eastcoast, good for you. Acceptance is key to happiness in life--I am following down your path as well. :)

Csarac 08-07-2004 08:19 PM


Ever since I had my baby, almost 6 months ago, my formerly 2c/3a hair is now stuck firmly in 2c mode. It's still coarse, frizzy and thick but now it's wavy. And also? It's short. I cut it 3 months after the baby was born because my hair was looking stringy and thin. The cut did wonders for the thickness but I truly cut all my curls out. So now I kind of have no real style since I am growing it.

At least if it was long I could safely cut long bangs into it (no worries about them curling up anymore!) and longer layers and just go with it. But now, not only am I dealing with it's new texture, I am also growing it out.

I guess I should be glad it looks healthy.

Currently I am using Netrogena Silk Touch Leave in and Biolage Gelee. I apply both products to soaking wet hair, then I wrap my hair in a towel (I don't have to "plop" anymore since I don't have curls) for 5 minutes then I let it air dry for 15 to 30 minutes (however long I have) then I diffuse upside down on high speed for 1 minute for volume, flip my head over and on low speed diffuse for 2 more minutes sort of scrunching with my hands - never a brush since my hair is so hard to blow out straight. Done.

I am dreaming of it long now and want to take advantage of the fact that it's just wavy and get bangs and stuff. Like you, Chelle, I think the less I do to it the better. I am just working on accepting that my hair is not curly anymore. If my curls come back someday (and I look back on pics of me from 10 years ago and it looks like I was bordering on 3b hair! Go figure) then I will deal with that.

If anyone finds the perfect product for us wavies though, please let us all know!

Christine :)

Flippit 08-07-2004 08:46 PM

I'm pretty much happy with the way my hair looks, whether it's looser or tighter curls on a given day. I'm just not happy with the effort it takes to keep it that way. It goes from nice clumpy moviestar waves to frizzy witchy snake-hair with the slightest provocation! :?

eastcoastwaves 08-07-2004 09:19 PM


I'm just not happy with the effort it takes to keep it that way.
This is what got me startd. The fact that I thought my hair had to be an "effort". That I had to "make" it look a certain way. This is the dualit of wavy hair. it will not look or behave the same way throughout the day because of so many external factors. With wavy hair, if the wind gets at it, it changes. if you tuck it behind your ears, it straigtens. if it gets humid, it curls or frizzes up. products will not change this fact about wavy hair. Myself, I have thrown in the towel. my hair wins. i'll just do my best to keep it healthy and thank God I have it at all and don't need a wig or a head scarf. I've spent too much money and too much time trying to change what "is", and searhing for some wonder-product that will solve all of my hair's doesn't exist for me (other than a good leave in and possibly a no-hold styler) because my hair changes from morning to night, day to day. The most 'fussing" with my hair I am willing to allow is a good 30 min deep treatment once a week. So bring on the rain, wind, sand, and fingers, I for one could care less because i have my new secret weapon...a ponytail elastic! (seriously). Mind you, if jessicurl's new product is as great as it sounds, i'll have to give that a try, that would be perfect, a smoothing no-hold cream with no silicones...*sighs hopefully*.

Flippit 08-07-2004 09:56 PM

eastcoastwaves, I'm glad you've come to accept your hair! I thought I had, back when I started coming to this site. But it seems to go in cycles for me. I get to a point of surrendering to the will of my hair, and then slowly the frustration just starts building up again.

Starrynite719 08-08-2004 12:48 AM

I'm am also glad that you guys have come to accept your hair.. i'm getting there.. its just taking awhile :? But I am really happy for you guys!! :D :D

mischiefmanaged 08-08-2004 01:08 AM

I've decided not to mess with my hair too much. It turns out best that way. I've had several people at work ask me if I have curled/waved my hair. I reply.."nope, it's natural!". I know how frustrating it can be as well. Half the time it's wavy the other half it's pretty straight w/out any effort. You can't win...I can't win. After 26yrs I've come to accept it. I try not to use too many products. Lately I'm into Infusium, though it has 'cones. My 'poo and condish are 'cone free and that's what works best for me.
Good luck trying to find your calm place. We wavies all know the drill. :D

eastcoastwaves 08-08-2004 08:52 AM


I've decided not to mess with my hair too much. It turns out best that way.
ITA. I think sometimes all of the product experimentation can make one's hair look awful. I remember awhile back I was trying Redken All Soft, which REALLY frustrated me because it smells heavenly, and fro the firs week or so my hair looked and felt incredible. i thought I;d found my perfect poo & condish. then it turned on me like a striking union worker
(no offense to any striking union workers). Things got ugly fast as with many of the "popular" salon lines. my hair began to look really dull & dry, so I loaded on the All soft Deep treatment...much worse. I could't figure it out! I was only pooing every 2nd or 3rd day and I don't blowdry or heat style...why was it looking so bad? My much more enlightened self now realizes that the silicones were the issue. silicones in the shampoo & silicones in the condish & even in the DT and more in whaterver styling product i was using (I believe it was PM styling glaze). So basically I was coating my hair with silicones every 2 days and never washing it off. Nice mess. This happened with drugstore lines and salon lines alike. it was all about the ingredients. once i found appropriate products (thanks in large to the great ladies at this site!) i haven't had a build up problem since. and by limiting what I put on it for syling I have noticed a change in my hair, it is more consistent now. maybe it doesn't look as "fabulous" as the one day a month I could coax it into looking like I wanted with 3 different products and convaluted washing & styling techniques that began the night before & carried on into the next morning, but it looks healthy and soft (though I'd like a bit more definition) and basically the same day after day. i don't have to worry anymore each day what my hair is going to "do" and what products i should use to attempt to convince it otherwise. I will always be on the lookout for a reasonably priced creamy styler with no silicones and minimum to nil hold, so if you know of any, please share! It may be one that I've never tried.

kw 08-08-2004 11:17 AM


Flippit 08-08-2004 11:36 AM

I feel your "flip" frustration, weberkm. That's originally where my username came from! All my cowlicks and my loose wave formation encourages lots of little flips. When my layers are long enough, this looks pretty cute. When it's too short, all those flips and cowlicks turn into a weird puffy helmet of uneven hair.

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