Thanks everyone - I'm feeling more hopeful. Here's what I'm going to try.

Washing every other day rather than every third.
Quitting BRHG
Using Happy Scalp and sealing with oil at night and in a ponytail (pineapple?) (on the nights before I'll wash)
Trying a seal - I'm going to try Jane Carter
I just got Paul Mitchel the Detangler and Biolage Conditioning balm - both have good slip, as does smoothing lotion (but few others do - any tips) do either of those have too much of anything or are they okay to use regularly?
I can do one weekly PT with either Elucence or Curl Rehab (or is that more deep conditioning?) - though I may even use Repair me as a LI

I will use more KCCC -

And if I use heavy oils/butters what do I need to do to keep things in balance?

(My hair definitely feels softer and happier after PT)
3b/fine/normal porosity/normal elasticity

LOVES behentrimonium methosulfate
(don't ask me to pronounce that!)

Want to grow it long again!
And simply want to figure out this hair of mine!