Not that situation specifically, but there were times when my MIL would make decisons that I didn't really care for, so I took away the ability for her to NEED to do that by controlling what I or the kids did prior to going to her house...whether it was making sure they were full and didn't get fast food while they were there, etc. or makign sure that they knew that mom still had rules even though they were at grandma's.

It sounds like your SIL is "my way and I don't care what mom has to say" about all of this, which makes it a little more difficult, especially if your ex isn't willing to at least partially work with you on this one. Why he can't tell her, 'You don't need to wash their hair...' is beyond me.

Anyways, i think that in order to avoid confrontation with him or with her, telling him they get home too late is probably the way to go. Especially since it's a Sunday, you can always also blame it on needing to get ready for school Monday, etc. It just makes it easier for everyone/they get a chance to be home and get settled, etc. You realyl could use almost any 'reason' for them needing to be home earlier.

I think I'd also fear your SIL screwing up your daughters hair to the point where it is damaged and costs $$ to try and fix...and she'd likely not help much if you needed to take your daughter to a salon or something, KWIM?
Originally Posted by M2LR
So on my wknds, I can tell him it's too late to bring them to her house for hairwashing.

But I have no control over what he does on his wknds.

Yes, I am def worried about her hair getting damaged, what w/ the chlorine, the bad products and the pressing! That is why I am pissed. My exhd and his sister have problem hair (thin all over, balding, slow growing, etc.)
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
On his weekends, then you might have more of an issue.

You can send some product with your daughter to his house, but that still won't guarantee that your SIL will use it. I am not sure that there is any way around that, other than your ex stepping up and telling his sister to not wash their hair using her cr@p.

if you're not there, and it's not your weekend, then I really don't know how you'd address it. Even if you get mad, talk to her, talk to him, send still sounds like she's going to do what she wants...if not even do it MORE because she knows it upsets you.

I don't know that you could maybe get your daughter more involved, maybe she could tell her aunt that she likes your shampoo better and to please not use her stuff on her hair? Maybe make it look as though it's your daughter's idea, not yours? (I do this with my kids, "Hey, next time grandma asks you about blah blah blah, please tell her blah blah blah." and they do, and they don't mention that I told them to tell her that). Maybe your daughter can communicate that she doesn't liek the pressing, and likes her hair better when it's dried naturally?

I am sure that there is a way around this, but with the dislike that SIL has for you, I am nto sure how you'd address it without making it worse!