Thank you all for your responses... I had to sleep on it, get away from my computer, and not even look in a mirror. Haven't left the house today either.

But I haven't cut my hair off or run to the store (mainly because I look like a crazy person), I haven't made a hair appointment (cause I can't afford it), and I haven't renounced being natural.

I still don't know what it is that I'm doing (why I'm natural, why I'm a slave to this crap), but I'm not going to do anything major to my hair before figuring it out.
Originally Posted by bharjala
If that is you in your avatar, you are very pretty! I tried to go natural and after about 6 months of attempting to transition, I relaxed...bummer. I feel like such a chicken. But I plan to try again someday. Don't beat yourself up. Not everyone can be natural, at least not right away.

Sometimes the journey is longer and more difficult for some people. But don't give up. Whether you decide to relax or not is up to you. You will be beautiful no matter what your hair looks like. And whether one's hair is natural or relaxed, that has nothing to do with being "black enough". I share the same struggle you do with my hair. I worry too much about what others will think. But don't be will figure out what works for you.

Take care.