Wow. I had myself all calm and okay with things and then I decided to go get water from the kitchen instead of the nearby bathroom sink and was blindsided by my dad's presence there. Of course he then had to launch into another rendition of Worst Possible Things to Say to Anyone with Depression Ever. Now I'm trying not to cry, begging myself to feel worthwhile and believe in the progress I've made and finding myself unable to do it, so mad that I went out there without considering the possibility of the lurking troll under the bridge and even madder that my dad has *secretly* been medicated AND gone to therapy for depression in the past and has THE most f***ed up views about mental illness I have ever seen. When he's not the one having the problem, all you have to do is just stop having it, and you are a terrible person for continuing to exist in a manner that displeases him.

My friend and I are going to Barnes & Noble again today. We always stay until it closes. I wish we had done this on Saturday because later today, my dad will be miles and miles away and that constant threat will be gone and it sort of feels like a waste of an escape.

I want to run away with that awesome dude Saria quoted upthread.

When I joined this site as a teen, I know I made a beeline for threads marked "ADULT" - and honestly, it was often about just wanting to learn valuable information that I couldn't get elsewhere. Like, it took seeing a picture of an unrolled condom in an issue of Seventeen for me to know they DID unroll and weren't just like a little hat or something. I'd wondered before how they stayed on. I liked being able to duck into an "ADULT" thread and find out how people talk to their partners and how actual people feel about different birth control methods and stuff. My sex ed in high school wasn't even the "SEX IS BAD YOU'LL DIE DON'T THINK ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL" kind, but their approach to talking about birth control was basically to list the types as if we already knew what they were.

...It's a siggie.