You must be really young. You care way too much what other people think. Time, life experience and maturity will take care of a lot of that. Some people in life will push your buttons just because they can. These people know you are sensitivr about this subject. So if you let it get to you then they win. Shadeism pretty much goes with the territory of being black or really of being a minority because of the closer to white is better attitude. House slaves versus field slave mentality. I have seen plenty of it in my family because most of my mom's side is extremely light skin and freckled. The few who are dark get teased. I self identify as black but I have had black, white, asian and the rest tell me I'm not a "real" black person because I'm not dark skin and I have curly hair. My feeling about their opinions is whatever. They don't pay my bills.
Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it.