wild_sasparilla, you write so well! I am captivated. It's like reading a novel from my favorite author/writer. I hope what I said didn't offend you. I am very sorry about your grandpa.
Originally Posted by dramaqueen04
I'm not offended! This is a totally awesome compliment and considering I am most definitely going to be spending more time spilling my guts out on here, it's nice to know that my coping mechanism is putting something good into the world instead of just transferring the bad, if that makes sense. Also, I would absolutely love to be anybody's favorite author/writer and am gonna need the universe to let me get on the completion of various projects because I love having readers too much to keep going without...which now I think of it may actually be the reason why any diary I tried to keep as a kid always petered out soon after I started it. Anyway. Thank you for the compliment and the condolences, drama.

Oh, dang, you're banned? Well...IDK what happened, but maybe you're on a 3-day time out? I may be talking to nobody. Oh well.

Maria, I'm glad you're doing better and I'm glad you ranted! Please don't feel the need to apologize, we all understand. [I say this, BTW, having had quite a few moments in which I look at my post, realize how long/angry/sad it is and feel the urge to apologize for it. Lately, I've been reminding myself that it's SIIDY, where you can say whatever and people can just ignore it at their leisure and it is not that deep.]

I know I'm late, but.....


I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm here if you need me.

As for my family that was driving me insane, they don't exist to me anymore. They tried to call but I don't pick up. Unfortunately, I do have to reach out to them soon to check on the status of my mother's tombstone. (man that feels weird to type)
Originally Posted by scrills
Thank you very much, scrills. And I am so glad you're not picking up the phone to subject yourself to that nonsense!

It is very strange to think about these practical details of what happens to the bodies of our loved ones. Grandpa's urn, which is more of a cherry wood box to me, arrived a few days ago. There was mention made of how this same urn was double the price somewhere else, and it just struck me as so bizarre even thinking of a box for my grandfather's remains in shopping/bargain terms.

The box is very nice and has Navy insignias on it. Thinking of him being ashes in a box up in the fort place most of him will go to (Grandma will keep some of him - which is also so very strange) doesn't even make enough sense for my mind to form any impression of it. I keep getting this image of his body as it was when they took him away going into a furnace, but even that is so far-fetched that it can't inspire any strong reaction, just more of a "No thank you. I don't want to see that" feeling. I tried to make the urn more real by touching it, running my hands over the insignia deeply engraved in the top and feeling the smoothness of the wood around it, but maybe because I was doing so furtively before Grandma quickly packed it back up (can't say I blame her), that didn't do much of anything. I can't really associate him with the Navy in general, seeing as he served long before I was born, so I hadn't even thought that there might be military stuff happening with his remains. I hadn't thought of his remains at all, though I'd known he would be cremated. Death is the ultimate dividing line - how could there be anything after?

...It's a siggie.