Your hair sounds a LOT like mine. I also have trouble with leave-ins weighing my hair down and generally making it misbehave. The best one I have found so far is CJ Beauticurls leave-in. Even that I have to use sparingly, especially now that it's warming up here, it's giving me some trouble. I can't really use leave-in when it gets more humid.
2b/c wavy modified CG since July 2012
medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
hair likes protein, doesn't like oils, easily OC'd

low poo: JCHCC, CJGCS
RO/co-wash/LI: YTCarrots, DB Pumpkin Seed
stylers: a bunch of stylers that are all pretty much the same (KCCC, UFDCM, CRCM, CKCJ) or ArcAngel if I need more hold