If the person and I are having an argument and they say "You're a *****!" I get angry. If the person and I are joking around and I say "You're such dumb***." [...]
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
About using a generic slave name to hurt a fellow black person: First - and I fail to understand how some don't realize this - you aren't just putting down that person ... and you're not just mimicking, honoring and copying the actions of white slave owners ... You are also putting yourself down at the same time, as someone else who is black. I wish I could find a way to make this sound less judgmental but this is just one of those issues that pushes a major button for me. I do respect that many people - including you - do not hold this strong opinion. And I'll be the first to admit I'm no saint when it comes to words. The word "mulatto", for example, is one I have deep ambivalence about and have labeled myself with, at times ... People from my generation and older often still use the word. And for me, it's been hard to break the "mulatto" habit - being raised on it. I feel the same thing could be happening w/some people who use n***er a lot.

We won't get mad at each other because obviously we are joking and it's not causing harm. It all depends on the tone of ones voice.
According to your personal rules about "tone", technically anyone, from whatever background, in any situation, can "playfully" call a black person by his or her generic "slave name" (n***er), as long as that person is using a "playful" tone. But one of the weaknesses with this argument is that tone is completely subjective. It isn't always obvious that someone is joking. It isn't always obvious that someone is being malicious. And then it brings back the question of what it means to "joke" about using a self-abusive term.
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
I do not say the n-word but when a friend of mine who I know says it I do not mind. If you have not realized "gga" has become more acceptable and friendly then "ger" I don't mind the "gga" even though I see no need for it. It's something I've come to accept: