My hair does this with polyquats, too! It's a horrible feeling -- I remember thinking there was no way my hair would ever get back to normal, I was sure it was wrecked!

I have no advice other than to avoid the 'quats, sorry.

2c/3a, fine, low porosity.

Poo: Garnier Fructis Pure Clean (yes, it has A Sulfate!!, but I have Teflon hair)
Co-wash (when I feel so inclined, which isn't often!): VO5 Kiwi Lime Clarifying Conditioner
same for both -- whatever I have in the shower at the time (I experiment a lot)
Style: EcoStyler Olive Oil <3
Dry: Diffuse or air dry, or both...depends on my mood