I think you may be inadvertantly sending the wrong message by sending her to daycare even though you're home. I would think a child would subconciously feel jealous and hurt b/c you're home, and the baby is home, but she gets sent away. She may feel replaced in a way, or that you would rather spend time w/ the baby and send her away.
Originally Posted by babywavy
i respect your opinions. but i disagree with this. i NEEDED our son to be in preschool after we brought our newborn home. it was a tough transition for him (see my post above about him trying to push her out of my arms). and if i was going to relax during my maternity leave and get used to a routine with an additional baby, i needed him gone half the day so that i could accomplish that. just being able to sleep for an extra hour in the morning gave me enough energy to handle both our kids' needs in the afternoon before my husband came home.

him forming new relationships in preschool was exactly what he needed to take his little mind off of any feelings of being cast aside or left out, even if it was just for half a day. had he been home all day with us, we would have had more conflicts with my time-management of two needy babies, me needing rest, me needing to prepare meals, clean, doctor's visits, etc.

my husband only had 2 weeks off after our daughter was born, so after that, i was flying solo. i would have returned to work a mental, emotional, twitching hot mess if my son hadn't had a structured outlet for half the day.

plus, our son had been kept by my mother for his first 3+ years. he was an only child and didn't have enough consistent interaction with other children his age. he benefited from being in preschool at just that time (almost 4 years old).

so on the contrary, i think that him being in preschool was perfect timing for us all.
Originally Posted by rainshower

It's one of those controversial subjects that some people are either emphatically for, or against. Personally, I don't agree w/ daycare. Even though my child my do very well in it, it's just not for us.

Granted, children, situations, parents, are all different, so what works for one may not work for another.

I too am often flying solo w/ the kids, and my child is a complete maniac at time. So yes, I am sometimes a twitching, emotional and mental mess- but I don't go to work, I stay home which is why I feel like my kids should just be with me.

But again, agree or disagree, everyone has their own opinions about that subject.
Originally Posted by babywavy
Yeah, but spidey works and is going back to work, and her child has been in daycare in the past and will need to be there in the future since both parents work.

From what I have read, it is best to get children on the long-term routine they will be in before a major change like a new baby, and to maintain that routine no matter what, which is what spidey is doing by sending her daughter to day care. Many experts think it is good for children to have their own life and peer group so they do not completely rely on their parents for validation and attention.

I think it sounds like typical 3-year-old behaviour as well (no 3-year-olds myself but I know and have known plenty!) My mama said we all went through mama stages and dada stages. The changes of pregnancy and a new baby may have increased it a bit. I would do what you can to show Q she is loved - try to have a bedtime routine with her (bath, story etc.) - get hubby to watch the baby for that half hour or whatever. Find something for her to do with you while you nurse the baby - Mama used to read to one child and nurse another at the same time, or let the other children snuggle beside her while she nursed, or we would all sleep/rest together. You can get her involved with you and the baby by "letting" her help you with little things and make little decisions (like what the baby should wear.)
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