I thought long and hard about this thread for a while, and came to a conclusion: It was never what a random passerby/stranger said to my hair that ever really bothered me. ...It was more what "friends" and close relatives would say.

I have 3cish hair and am african american/native american background, with hair that was always considered by my friends and relatives to be "good" hair.

But it has always been a MURDER to straighten. I mean, it looks so loose that hair stylists always think that it just needs "a light/kiddie relaxer" or "a little heat" to get it straight, when really it needs a LYE relaxer bordering on the COARSE side and/or extreme heat.

But I always get fed "those lines" from one of my best friends that "all u have to do is <insert "simple" trick here such as flat ironing> to get your hair to be straight." When really, it would take hours upon hours of hot hot heat of flat ironing to get it straight EVERY DAY. So I would get a relaxer to make it easier to get it straight, and promptly get reprimanded by my ex best friend "girl, you did NOT NEED a relaxer! all u needed was to flat iron it every day!" "Girl you got that 'good' hair! you don't need to do all of that!" It was so annoying.

And my mom always makes comments that my hair is so "good" that i "just don't know WHAT do to with it."

It was my other friend (with stick straight hair) who would watch me sit in the mirror spending hours straightening my hair before a trip to the mall (u know u have to look hot, fine guys are there!) and exasperatedly say: I JUST WISH YOU WOULD LEAVE YOUR HAIR ALONE! to make me realize how much time and effort it was taking me to fix it. She would make attempts to show me how to fix my hair nice without straightening. (Bless her heart, she didn't quit know what she was doing being that she has stick straight hair and no experience with curly hair, but it was the thought and effort that counted.)

I do get some irritating comments from my husband sometimes. He finally sees the beauty of my hair naturally, but sometimes he "misses the way my hair was when we met me (relaxed)" and i can't get him to see any beauty at all in locs, and doesn't understand why I feel that woman should stop trying to change themselves and assimilate into straightness and love their hair as it is naturally. We have big arguments over that. He's still somewhat stuck in a "straight" mindset and doesn't even see it...