Trying to reclaim my hair after damage and illness-any tips?!

Hello all!
I have naturally 3a-ish, a little longer than shoulder-length hair. I have always had curly hair, but it was especially long and thick before age 10. I am now 20 (obviously I know hair changes as you get older) and after spending most of my teenage years straightening and dying it, it's pretty damaged as one would expect. It was not a problem (I had some heat damage but nothing too dramatic) until I had a series of surgeries that triggered three periods of telogen effluvium (rapid periods of significant hair loss). One period will thin the hair, but three over the last two years has left my hair much thinner and prone to damage (my split ends are now out of control, even shortly after trims!) It also will not grow longer than the length it is now, no matter what I do, and the bottom inches are drastically thinner than the top, because the hair I've lost is in various stages of regrowth. My hair is naturally very dry (I can comfortably go 5 days without washing or dry shampoo), so it helps that I don't have to wash it often. When I wash it, I use a cleansing conditioner (Wen) and almost always let it air dry. What can I do/what products can I use to give my hair life again? Do I need protein or moisture or both? Should I use a deep conditioner? I'm going into my hairdresser soon to get rid of the split ends.
Thanks for any help, and sorry this was so long!

***note: hair is obviously straight in photo. I straighten it once a week with heat protectant if at all and only for special occasions***
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Welcome! Honestly if your hair is not growing (mid shaft breaks) I would cut off far more than just the visible split ends. If you leave significant damage it will travel up into healthier hair, also tangle on healthier hair damaging that. Hair is dead so cannot really be repaired only patched up, but there is a point where hair cannot or should not be salvaged.

Please stop using the flat iron for a while, heat protection reduces damage a little it does not prevent it and your hair is clearly too vulnerable. If you must straighten for a special occasion practice some heat free methods like wet wrapping. Also WEN is great but it likely won't remove a good silicone-based heat protectant so it can build up, are you not shampooing that out?

You may need both hydrolysed protein treatments and a deep conditioner, since your hair is quite fragile you might be best starting with a weaker protein not a hardcore treatment that might make your hair more brittle. For deep conditioning coconut oil is amazing for damaged or porous hair, I like it with honey which is a humectant (attracts water). Your WEN should be able to wash out the excess after an overnight treatment. Other beneficial ingredients for damaged hair include ceramides and panthenol.

Are you being super gentle with detangling using only fingers or a wide tooth comb, only when hair is soaking wet and coated in handfuls of WEN? Do you brush your hair at all?
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect
Thanks for your advice! I am done with the flatiron for a long while--it was my sister's graduation so I decided to do something fun. Besides that, I can count the number of times I've used any heat on my hair in the last two months on one hand. I made an appointment with my hairdresser (who specializes in curls) today because although I want to grow out my hair after all my hair loss, it's going to be better in the long run to get all the yucky ends chopped off and start fresh.
I am not shampooing the heat protectant out, I hadn't even thought of that!
I have coconut oil already at home (it's a miracle product!) but I haven't used it for my hair. I will definitely try that!
I do not even own a brush, haha! I have a wide-toothed comb that I rarely use--as a kid, my mom never brushed my hair so I have picked up the habit.

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