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georgiapeach404 05-28-2012 09:00 AM

rude manager at my job
I've been lurking for a while and finally decided to register and post, mostly to vent right now...

I've been transitioning for about 6 months so I still have some relaxed ends. I'd wear bantu knot outs and braidouts to work and they looked great.

So I thought...

So one day one of the assistant managers comes up to me and says "girl your hair looks a mess!" and I told her it's probably just frizzy and told her I was transitioning. Then she goes on and starts telling me I need to "blow dry it, put a comb through it and a flat iron" and I tried to explain to her that its bad for your hair and that's what I'm trying to get away from now, and she was just incredibly rude about it. Now every day she has something to say about my hair. I'm about to BC in a few minutes and if she says something about it when I come in tomorrow morning I just might come home without a job. ugh.

sunnydiva 05-28-2012 12:33 PM

Omigosh, Georgia Peach, that's awful! :disgust:

Please don't even dignify your graceless co-worker's commentary with a response. If she has something to say to you that pertains to your work, it's perfectly fine to speak with her. Otherwise, just tune her out, because the fact of the matter is that she's being inappropriate with her comments.

If you stop responding to her, one of two things will happen: (1) her words will just keep falling on deaf ears, or (2) she'll realize that her words are meaningless to you and eventually she'll stop wasting her breath :happy4: If she really drives you to madness, a very simple, to-the-point response like "My body is nobody's business but my own" might shut her up and remind her of how unprofessional her behavior is.

adthomas 05-28-2012 11:09 PM

Dont waste your time explaining or justifying yourself to someone who is clearly ignorant. Part of going natural is that you have to develop thick skin and decide you dont give a $:@/ what people think because It is your God given hair and you love it. We call transition more of a mental than physical process because you have to develop a new sense of what is beautiful. Your manager is still in the old mentality.
You are probably going to hear a lot more negative comments from people maybe even family members so you have to decide how you will handle it. My aunt told me yesterday I need to comb my hair. Whatevs especially since She was wearing a tacky wig.

If you need to vent come on here and rant. stay employed.

Goin'Grey 05-29-2012 04:46 AM


I can't add to much to the fine responses you received above, but I just wanted to say when you do complete your tranition you will be SO POWERFUL. I know it, keep it up. And pity your manager, she is without knowledge when it comes to hair.

Keep taking little steps toward your goal. Stay on this board. So much info is here.

Keep us posted.

naturalNstylish 06-06-2012 12:07 AM

Too bad she's being such a witch! The other posters are right... stick to your goal and forget her!

I've been natural for about 12 years but always had a short barber cut. I decided to let it grow out (it's been 6 months now). I've gotten some interesting looks, especially from one of "us" at work. I WISH someone would make a nasty comment to my face, especially that one with her fake ponytail and shlumpy clothes!

Keep the faith and don't let anyone slow your roll! Come back and let us know how things are going.

MotorCurl 06-06-2012 09:15 AM

Georgiapeach, is your hairstyle in violation of your company's dress code or appearance policy? If so, that assistant manager needs to address it with you formally as an HR issue. If it's not, then YOU need to talk to your HR manager, because that is harrassment. If your company doesn't have an HR department, talk to the assistant manager's boss and tell that person what is going on and that you want it to stop.

So sorry this is happening to is NEVER okay to remark on an employee's personal appearance if there is no violation of company policy.

proudcurlygirly 06-07-2012 05:21 AM

:mad:+1 to all of the above posters, I was open mouthed reading this, how incredibly rude of your manager to comment in this way georgiapeach. Hold your head high, you've got lots of support here!:thumright:

jeepcurlygurl 06-07-2012 12:46 PM

To all the wonderful answers above all I can say is ditto!
You will feel so free and strong and will look so great when you are done! If this rude woman says anything else to you about your hair, just give her the hairy eyeball, turn, and walk away. She's not worth a second of your time.

Auntie Bubbs 06-07-2012 02:05 PM

I second what MotorCurl says. This mgr's comments border on harassment - sexual or otherwise. It's not ok to make verbal derogatory comments on a person's physical appearance, and your choices about how you wear your hair are as personal as your religious or sexual orientation preferences. If she made comments about your sexual orientation, you wouldn't think twice about reporting her to HR, I hope, so ongoing derogatory remarks about your physical appearance that make you feel bad should be regarded in the same manner.
If the comments make you feel bad, they should be reported. What I would do (and have done in a similar situation) is, ask the person (politely) to stop making the comments, explaining that I do not appreciate them and that they actually make me feel bad, explaining it in the context that just as I do not make observations of a personal nature about anyone else in the workplace, because that is unprofessional and against the company's policy's on harassment, I expect the same courtesy.
After that, the very next time a comment comes my way from that person, I'd report it to HR.

Sorry you have to deal with that. I hate people like that. It's so rude and unnecessary.

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