Seriously- Why don't men like Curly hair?

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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 271
Guys like my curls. I always get positive feedback when I wear my natural hair. I would never say no to a good weave though. With weave its less maintenance for me...I like how I can just wake up and go with little to no preparation from the night before. To each their own though...
Hair is a personal thing. Nobody should make fun or you for that! I think it is absolutely ridicolous. A healthy hair will ALWAYS look good.
FeedYourHead and Hinkypunk like this.
This is a topic that I find very frustrating because I have no idea as to why this is. The boyfriends that I've had just hated my hair curly. My current boyfriend always jokes and says "ahh my hands are stuck" whenever he puts his hands in my hair. My ex hated how curly hair looks and actually made it completely clear when I wore it curly to university once. It seems like whatever guy I meet doesn't like curly hair. I probably know like 2 who actually like curly hair out of like 50 guys I know. It really annoys me because I don't think it looks bad. If you tell me the only reason guys like straight hair is because they can put their fingers through it, is just being unreasonable. You can put fingers in curly hair just be more gentle. When I straighten my hair my boyfriend is like "yes! I love straight, I don't like curly..." Funny thing is he met me as a curly and has the nerve to say something about it? I am angered...
Originally Posted by mdderm
Everyone one has a preference. Some guys prefer brunettes, some blondes, some dark haired and some red heads. Some guys like thin girls and some like large women. Some like Black girls, Some like white girls and some like Asian girls. No accounting for taste and it is something you cannot know or quantify.
Originally Posted by DorothyDalt
I think the point is that if some guy likes something (style, hair, body, facial features, skin) and that's NOT what his current gf is, why does he feel the need to bring it up constantly in a negative way? That is frustrating and upsetting.

I had a boyfriend who said those things to me about my ethnicity, my hobbies, my body-type. He's an ex-boyfriend now. I agree w/ others, hair is personal and it's a part of you--if you knew what someone looked like goin' in, don't act a fool come day 285. Also, it's just rude. I imagine he might stop if he knew how it really hurt your feelings--or bothered you--and understood why it was rude, even if he is your partner.

Historically, men have been given what they believe is carte blanche to discuss, ridicule, praise or make unsolicited advice on a woman's looks--but most especially women they are dating. I feel there needs to be a line drawn about what's acceptable couple's banter and body-acknowledgement (Oh, I like when your beard grows in! / You look great in that dress) vs. (You don't look that great to me when you're at your best naturally).

I have never liked people putting their fingers or hands on/in my hair, even relaxed. I don't like people touching my head or neck, it creeps me out. The idea that some people do this for intimacy, like in the movies, also deeply bothers me personally--I understand other people feel differently. I often wonder if I'm the only woman in the world who thinks that the "hands in hair = intimacy" is utter poppycock.

As for my own experiences with men and my coily hair:
In general, I have found that I get a look of visceral disgust or avoidance from many men who previously saw me relaxed and now see my type 4 hair. There's a YT video about this by user Sava, "Why Black Men HATE Natural Hair (MOST HONEST MALE Perspective)." I was at dinner with someone I thought was a friend who kept glancing apprehensively at my hair throughout the meal and asking me several times why I "cut" my hair (my hair was actually longer than the relaxed pixie-cut I had when we'd met). In general, it's only women (straight, curly, kinky and in between) who have openly and deliberately approached me about my hair and how good it looks natural. Any negative comments? None--women keep it to themselves it looks like.
The only time I was approached by random men and told my hair "looked great" as a general out-of-the-blue compliment was when it was relaxed or weaved with straight hair. Actually, I take that back. I was complimented the first time two months ago w/ my natural hair at Old Navy by a male cashier when I was rocking a puffy and glistening (too much SM Souffle!!) afro; he actually looked at my hair and said, "I love your hair. I wish I could do that." (put that in my pocket and keep it for a rainy day!)

Last Relaxer: 12/24/2012
Weekly Products I'm Using:
Pantene Relaxed & Naturals Shampoo and Conditioner
Blue Magic Hairdress
Grapeseed Oil
my hair is normal-ish porosity / dense / fine+medium strands
Nearly every man I have ever dated has been very into my hair. My SO says it is one of his favorite things about me. He loves when my hair is down and very full. He dislikes my hair straight and so do I.

I dated a jerk for awhile who liked my hair straight and would call my hair a "rat's nest". He was not a good person in general.
-3a+3b, high density, fine width, weak curl pattern, naturally on the dry side-

Like others have said, it is totally a preference. Some men prefer a certain hair color, body type, etc. When they vocalize those preferences, and you don't fit into their preferred type, then it becomes an issue. As long as you like your hair, it really doesn't matter what men prefer on YOUR head.

That being said, I met my current boyfriend with straight hair, and wore it that way often at the start of our relationship. I never wore it down if it was curly because I just didn't know how to take care of my hair. Eventually he asked me why I never wear my hair curly and I had to explain myself. He was a small motivating factor in starting the curly girl method. Ultimately it was for myself because I was tired of the the damage and funky smell from straightening my hair all the time.

He loves the curls and tells me so everyday

Low-Poo (once a week, or so): SheaMoisture African Black Soap Deep Cleansing Shampoo
Co-Wash: As I Am Coconut Co-Wash. Suave Naturals Tropical Coconut Conditioner.
RO: Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Restorative Conditioner.
LI: As I Am Leave In.
Styler: Eco Styler Moroccan Argan Oil Styling Gel.
Of course, personal preferences are a major factor, yet I think most guys are somehow "conditioned" to prefer straight hair these days, but it wasn't always like that. My granddad loooves curls for instance, my grandma has beautiful lose curls. When my hair got straight when I was around 7 I got a little bit of disdain from him, or rather disappointment, because I didn't have my grandma's hair texture anymore. But now that they're wavy again, he started calling me a beauty again (yeah, that's a tough love ).

Another example is my best friend, who is a lesbian, and who always tells me how perfect my hair looks when I let my wild waves flag fly. I guess she never got brainwashed by the media, because the straight hair beauty canon have always been directed rather towards a straight guys audience ...
Amanda.Duart likes this.

Last edited by Hinkypunk; 09-13-2014 at 12:18 PM.
Most men like my curly hair but for the ones who don't like curls, they wouldn't be talking to me anyway so it's a non-issue.
nana_banana and Nero like this.
CG since Dec. 2013
3b/c ~ fine ~ medium porosity ~ low density ~ dyed dark red
No-Poo: Cantu Cleansing Cream Shampoo
RO: Suave Essentials Volumizing Conditioner
Styler: Tresemme Extra Firm Control Mousse & Hairspray
A man saying he doesn't like your hair is a man saying he doesn't like a physical aspect of you.
For me, that would definitely mean he wasn't the one. I mean, you're supposed to love someone for who they are and not what they look like.
Nero likes this.
I find that a guy's age can also be a factor. Guys who are in their late thirties-early forties that I have dated don't seem to mind (maybe going through puberty in the 80's could have been a factor). Maybe if you are in your twenties or above, try dating older guys

Last edited by Curlylollipop; 08-21-2015 at 10:13 PM. Reason: More to add
You shouldn't date someone that doesn't like a physical attribute of yours. I mean God forbid what if something happened and you looked different or had a scar on your face. Would they leave? I've never had problems with men disliking my hair, and my hair is definitely curly, not wavy. Most of them either liked it or didn't care how I wore it. My fiance loves me, and my hair is part of me
FeedYourHead likes this.
I do agree with what has been said but I think it is probably a little different for me in that I didn't know how curly/wavy i was, nor did I know about any of the CG method until I stopped all SLS/ silicones for allergy reasons.( Mine and my daughters)
Then my hair showed its true colours!!

I have only really been doing CG for the last month maybe a bit more. But my husband has been used to me being brushed, straight and longish( he has never liked me with short hair really)
So for him the washing 2x a week, with no poo or low poo and only combing in the shower, is completely horrific and he thinks I am in a fad phase which he is coming to the end of his patience with!
I have to say I personally love my curly 2nd 3rd day hair ( 2c/3A on good days) but he definitely does not, wants me to brush my hair and tells me I look like I have dipped my head in a frying pan! ( I do think I had probably overdone the product that day but it wasn't that bad, and my fringe ringlets were really nice)

So it is difficult, I don't want to go backwards, after all i am still learning and I know I don't get the wash and go look always right and I can end up with really thin curls, ( just started to use the diffuser and think that may be part of the answer) but actually I do have thin hair with low to medium density so I am not sure what I can with that one!

It is hard when the ones you are closet to have no understanding of what you are trying to do and who are convinced they are right( male thing I know!)

So it is all very well for us to think " well you can just go and stuff it, its my hair so, what!"
I can't really do that , or really want to, so some of us just have to find a middle ground, I just don't know what mine is yet
Some of it I think will be to find the right products and method for me to look curly ,soft not wet and crunchy, thicker clumps ,not stringy, hydrated looking and not looking greasy!
now thats easy isn't it????

Sorry for emotional rant no one else curly/wavy to talk to
Thanks for putting up with the emotional one!
I have the opposite problem. Most men I meet fetishize curly hair so I end up trying to suss out if they like me for me or for my genes. This is across the board with guys of all different races. It may be where you live because here where I am curly hair is absolutely the thing to have lol
I've never met a man that didn't love my curls or that preferred my hair straight. My husband loves my curly hair but his hair is just as curly when he grows it out so I'd say he's biased lol. I guess I could see if you started dating a guy while you had straight hair and then at some point into the relationship you decided to go curly because he might have preferred your straight hair look (or he's just used to that look). Then again women change their hair all of the time and if a man can't appreciate her beauty regardless of what her hair looks like then shame on him. Besides every where you look there is curly hair and gorgeous curly hair at that so those that don't like curly hair, sorry for them!
Fine, Long, High Density, Normal Porosity, Normal Elasticity

CoWash: YTC Nourishing Conditioner/AO Honeysuckle Rose
Styler: KCCC
just thought Id post what my hair looks on 2nd day.
This is what he wants me to brush and that I obviously have some kind of disorder if I cannot see just how awful my hair looks.
I kind of like it like this!

sorry still can't post any pics!!!!!

Last edited by 10sylvia5; 12-15-2015 at 06:56 AM. Reason: where are my pics?

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