I Hate To Complain About This, But My Boss Is Weird...

Let me start off by saying I feel very lucky to have a job in this economy. It's not stressful and it's close to where I live. I can even come home for lunch.

I won't get into his weirdness at work or in his personal life. I'm not affected too much by this. What is affecting me is his weirdness towards me.

I feel my life is personal away from work. I like to come home and feel that I'm in my safe place and can relax. People know that if they want to come over they need to call 1st. I don't like unexpected guests. That's just me.

My boss is so interested in my personal life. He even did a family type tree, so he would know the names of my children, grandchildren, ex-husband and his wife. I didn't think too much about this at the time. I actually thought it was kind of nice that he was taking an interest. He asks a lot of questions of his patients, also.

Well, now he is much more interested in my personal life. He wants me to bring pics of my Mom and Dad and pics of me when I was in my 20's. His Mom is in an assisted living house that isn't too far from where I live. He will pick her up on Saturdays and buy both of them a milkshake, then drive to my apartment complex. They will sit in the parking lot drinking them hoping to see me. When he 1st told me this I told him I felt a little stalked. He looked surprised that I would say this, but he is still doing it. It's been going over for over a month now.

Today I was telling him about me and 2 of my long term friends going to a dinner theatre that is nearby and suggested he take his wife. He then said he had never met these 2 friends of mine and would like for them to come to the office on their lunch hour so he could meet them. I told him they worked too far away. He then suggested that I make a lunch date with them on a weekend and invite him also.

I know he isn't interested in me other then his employee, but I feel he is trying to trespass into my personal life. My friends would feel really weird if my boss came to lunch with us. I also don't want him showing up at my house. I don't want to spend time with him outside of the office.

I don't really know what to do. I am finding myself not being at home on the weekends in case he is stalking me. I don't want to lose my job, so I'm keeping my mouth shut, but I find this so WEIRD.
Most dentist's are weird, I've worked with enough to know. But in your case he IS interested in you. Not the answer you wanted, I would be very very careful, he sounds too weird!
what an awkward,uncomfortable, bizarre situation! I don't know what I'd do, either. Probably get really angry, lol. Then again, I'm a very private person who routinely screens cell phone calls before answering.

What's really messed up is that he continued the behavior after you told him it was making you uncomfortable. It sucks, because you sound like you like your job- but will the stalker stress be worth it?

Very wierd, indeed.
I think he is interested in me like he is interested in all people. I don't think it's an attraction. He is happily married.

He just doesn't seem to understand personal space. I'm not his friend. I'm his employee. My private life is mine and it doesn't include him. I need to unwind from the work week.
creepy and odd.

I think you put it accurately when you said " I'm not his friend. I'm his employee". I would reiterate this to him.
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You're in a tough situation. I would quietly start looking for a new job. Whenever you can, I'd politely reiterate that you are his employee, not his friend. Has he always been this way since you've worked there? Or did something trigger this behavior?
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It does sound like he is interested in you. Worse, it sounds as though he thinks you guys have a relationship.

He is doing things I would expect a (poss slightly over-eager) boyfriend to do, make friends with your close family and friends. I understand your concern- I would be anxious about it too. More so as you told him it made you uncomfortable but he kept doing it.

I would start looking for a new job which really sucks in this economy. I would also have a frank talk with him, he may get the message and leave you alone. Frankly I find his behaviour VERY odd and unsettling. Picking up your mother every Saturday and watching you? Does he not have his own mother in law/family to spend time with at the weekend? To be clear, he started doing this without your knowledge?

I've never heard of a boss randomly making family trees for employees and asking for photographs.
If you're going to stay in this job, I think you should start asking him "why?" each and everytime he makes one of these strange requests. Ask him why he wants you to bring pictures of your family and you, why he wants to meet your friends, why he brings his mother to your apartment complex to "watch for you", etc. I don't think he's just interested in you as a person, it sounds like he's obsessed. Are there any other employees at your office? Does he do that to them? I wouldn't be able to stand that kind of behavior and would start looking for another job, or look into moving and just getting a PO Box for my mail. That is very creepy behavior. I think he's crossed a number of professional lines. If you do stay there, reiterate that you are his employee, he is your boss and you would like the relationship to be professional and nothing more. Set boundaries and tell him no, about things like bringing pictures to work and arranging lunch dates with your friends and him. Your private life is your private life, all that matters is that you do your job up to standards, he can't ask for more from you. And unless his wife is a total wacko I can't imagine her being okay with her husband being "that into" his employee.
What a wacko!! This even goes beyond being interested in you romantically. Who goes to their employee's home and just waits for her, hoping she'll come out? Weirdos, that's who!

You just gotta tell him you like to keep your personal life, personal. How much further could his lack of boundaries/sense of entitlement go?

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That is bizarre behavior, IMO. I think you just need to continue to tell him that you want to keep your work life and your private life separate. Tell him it keeps you balanced and happier that way. If he doesn't/can't take a hint and lighten up, then you'll have to make a decision.
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...drive to my apartment complex. They will sit in the parking lot drinking them hoping to see me.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
you ARE being stalked!

and i would enlist the help of a neighbour... the next time someone is sitting outside your apartment watching the door, have them call the police to report suspicious people outside.
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That is really weird. I mean, REALLY weird.

Actually, it sounds as if he might have Asperger's or some other condition where he doesn't pick up on normal social cues.

If he weren't your boss, I would consider asking him (nicely) what the heck was going on, but in the circumstances that might not be the best thing. If you don't want to find a new job, you might need to just stop telling him anything about your personal life at all. That doesn't get him and his mom out of your parking lot, though. Hmm.
That is bizarre behavior, IMO. I think you just need to continue to tell him that you want to keep your work life and your private life separate. Tell him it keeps you balanced and happier that way. If he doesn't/can't take a hint and lighten up, then you'll have to make a decision.
Originally Posted by 2poodles
+1 Everything everyone else said I agree with. This is bizarre, creepy, and you can't allow it to continue. You can try once VERY firmly telling him that you need to keep your work and home life completely separate because you need to unwind from work but frankly, I think he is mentally disturbed, and this is only going to end if you get another job. That totally sucks but I'm afraid if you don't transfer to another job it will escalate. Is there anyone at work you trust to confide in? Please take care and don't brush this off - he's a stalker.
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To answer a few questions. I'm the only employee. His wife is in the office some because she uses a room here for her work as a speech therapist.

I think he's weird with some of his patients too. He's very nosey, plus he loves to talk about himself. I don't think I'm being singled out. I'm just here all the time.

I've been able to ignore everything except his coming to my apartment complex. That really irritates me. He knows the apartment #, but hasn't been able to locate it, so he's not parked in front of my door. He drives around the lot, then parks as they drink their shakes. His Mom has dementia, so she has no idea what he is doing.

I've told him that if someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting them, then I would probably not answer, unless it was family. I feel it is rude to show up unannounced. I agree, I think he has social issues.
This would drive me crazy! I'm so sorry you are having to deal with a wackadoodle. Just because he is married, doesn't mean he has no feelings for you... Maybe he is just weird, and trying to make "friends". It is not acceptable though how he is behaving as your manager. I wouldn't be able to handle it for long. I wouldn't want to stay there. I'm afraid if you start looking for another job, he will be watching you do it! I think this is really scary...I hope everything works out ok.
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Yeah. Wow. Troubling.
Easy fix for him parking outside your house: say your neighbors have noticed someone sitting in the parking lot and it's making them nervous, please stop. They are all getting really freaked out and they will be angry with you if they find out that it's because of you.

In a perfect world you could say, hey, freakazoid, back off and stay away from my house but I understand not wanting to rock the boat at work. Sitting outside your home is just BEYOND weird.
You are feeling stalked because this is stalking behavior. Whatever his intentions/issues are, even if he means no harm and just doesn't read social cues, the behavior just has to stop. Period.

I like the idea of telling him he has to stay away from your apartment because of the neighbors. Tell him they'll call the cops.

I also like the idea of not telling him any personal information at all, and couching it as your need to keep work and life separate for your own mental health.

If he's incapable of respecting your boundaries, then you may need a new job.


Are you the only two in the office all the time? Are there other dentists and assistants? Is there anyone else seing this behavior? Is there no one to complain to?

Does he exhibit this lack of social awareness in all other areas? Does he do this in front of his wife?
I thought he was weird when he drank his bowel-prep drink and then came to work and had explosive diarrhea in the office all day. That isn't normal.

I agree that most dentists are weird. Gynecologists are almost-always weird too. There must be something about spending your day looking at orafices that messes with your brain.

ANYWAY...I think you should just be vague and non-committal with him about everything.

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